Take Me or Leave Me
by RosesAndSkulls
Summary: Naomi and Emily had a fantastic trip to Goa, but when they got back to reality they found that their problems hadn't magically disappeared and they eventually broke up. Now they're standing face to face again, but with another girl involved and with walls rebuilt around them again, will they be able to find their way back to who they used to be? Lightly based on series 7.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

Okay, here's the deal guys. First, thank you mysterious reader for hopefully reading on in a bit, it means tons! Secondly, as stated in the summary this story is lightly based on the series 7 of Skins. This means that I've included a few of the spoilers for the series (just so you're warned). Also, I saw some exclusive behind-the-scenes from set and it looks like they've let Lily keep her brown hair, so I guess Naomi's a brunette now? That explains her color of hair in the story, just wanted to explain that so you don't think I'm completely color blind or something. Thirdly, this is my very first Skins and Naomily fanfiction, so please keep that in mind. Also, I haven't published in soooo long, simply because I didn't think my work was worth it, but I've had this story in my head for a while and I thought I'd put it out there. Fourthly, I know the chapter is quite long, and there's a lot of emotion etc. but we have to start somewhere, right? So bear with me, I promise I'll try and write shorter chapters if you read on. Oh, and it's from Naomi's POV.

I would love some feedback from you guys, so don't be shy and enjoy! xxx

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**Take Me or Leave Me**

**Chapter One**

It's funny how life never turns out the way we thought it would. Life changes right under our noses and we never notice before it's too late to do anything about it. If someone had told me four years ago that this would be where my life would be today, that this would be my life, I would've told them to go fuck themselves.

"Eff, stop fucking staring at me, it's creeping me out." I said to my flatmate Effy Stonem, without opening my eyes.

Yes, believe it or not, she's still alive and breathing despite the endless pills, fags, alcohol and a few 'minor' mental breakdowns. And yes, she's my flatmate and though I've never been much for labels or anything like that, I guess you could say she's also my best friend. Not that there're really anyone else in the running.

When there was no answer, but I swore I could still feel someone staring at me even with my eyes closed, I slowly opened them. Sure enough, Effy sat in the chair across my room and stared at me with her piercing blue eyes.

"Fuck's sake Eff, did you forget to take your meds this morning or something?" I asked annoyed and turned my head away from her.

"You're certainly not a morning person, eh?" She asked.

"You're just figuring that out now? We've been flatmates for God knows how fucking long and this is my fucking room so if you don't mind I'd like some fucking privacy. " I said and pulled the covers over my head.

Those piercing blue Stonem eyes that looked right through you and into the dark secrets of your soul were just not something you wanted to wake up to. Don't get me wrong; I love Effy to death, just not as much in the mornings, especially not when I have a killer hangover.

"Do you need me to point you to the door or something?" I asked annoyed from under the covers when she still didn't get the hint.

For most parts Effy was a brilliant flatmate. She usually knew when I needed my space and vice versa. Over the years we both found that we were more alike than either of us thought. We were both under the impression that we didn't need anyone, that we would be fine on our own. We both had walls around our heart and soul that kept our true and vulnerable selves locked away inside. We had both let someone special break down those walls and we had both loved and lost. So yeah, for most parts she understood me better than most people, almost like she knew what I was thinking half the time, but I reckon that's just Effy for ya. She sees what no one else does, which was exactly one of the less attractive sides of having her as your flatmate. She had never bothered to think about what people thought of the things she did or said in the past, and she sure still didn't. Not even when it came to perving on your flatmate sleeping.

"I met Katie for coffee last night." She simply stated.

"Congrats Eff, I hope she was as delightful as ever." I said indifferent, "Now piss off."

She didn't answer for a few minutes, but I knew she hadn't moved an inch, because I could still feel her eyes on me, studying me.

"You were a lot less of a bitch when you were with Emily." She finally said matter-of-factly.

I flinched from her words. I knew she wasn't trying to hurt me, but was simply just stating the obvious. Sometimes she had moments like these when she was so lost in thought that I doubt she knew what she was saying half the time. And it wasn't like it was a lie. For most of my relationship with Emily I had been less of a bitch, less angry. I had simply been a better person, but that had ended up hurting me so bad in the end that I had put those walls up again where they belonged and I wasn't planning on letting anyone see beyond them ever again. If I had to be a sarcastic bitch to spare me for the obvious shit that followed love, then so be it. It was worth it.

It took every ounce of my self-control not to fire back some stupid remark about her not being the same as she was when she was with Freddie, but I knew that would be lower than the lowest. We may both have lost the one we loved, but she didn't have a say in it, and I knew she up to this day still walked around with the guilt of Freddie's death. So with a deep sigh I came out from under the covers, looked at her and simply asked: "Did you want something Effy?"

"Yes, I did actually." She answered, clearly still lost in her thoughts.

When she didn't elaborate but simply kept staring at me I gave her my best "_well?" _look I could muster up with the hangover I was having.

"Right," She finally said, shaking her head as if she was shaking the thoughts away, "Are you gonna do anything productive today?"

"Define productive." I answered.

"Like, I don't know, clean up this mess you call a room, get a job or even just take a shower?"

"I already have a job."

"Please, I think we both know you have a lot more potential than being a waitress at a bar, Naomi." She said annoyed and when I didn't comment she went on, "Look, I have to get to work, but please, just take a shower will you? You smell like an ashtray."

And with that final comment she left the room and closed the door. For a second or two I didn't move. Whether it was because of what she had said or my massive hangover I wasn't sure of. Most likely the latter, but it was true though. Not the part about me smelling like an ashtray, but about me supposedly having more potential than being a waitress at a bar. I would've at least thought so four years ago, but as I said, life changes.

After sniffing my hair and indeed finding myself smelling like a freaking ashtray, I decided to take Effy's advice and take a shower. It did wonders for my hangover, not to mention the smell. As I stood and looked into the mirror I found Effy's words about having more potential were stuck in my head, but all I could see was a brown haired, azure eyed girl who was so far from the girl she was in college that she could barely recognize her. It was like someone had taken a balloon filled with her beliefs, her passions and her will and simply popped it. There were nothing left.

"Fuck's sake." I whispered and wiped away the tear I'd noticed running down my cheek.

_Pull yourself the fuck together_, I thought as I walked back to my room to pull on some clothes.

The rest of the day I spent doing pretty much what I did everyday, which was nothing. I smoked some fags, zapped between channels and looked out on the streets of London filled with people who had these high expectations for their lives. If only they knew it would never turn out the way they thought.

When Effy came home around five, I was splayed out on the coach watching something I wasn't even sure what was. I wasn't going to work for a couple of hours still, so I was dressed in sweats and a hoodie with a fag in my hand.

"So you've actually managed to get from your bed and to the coach today. Impressive."

She said as she took off her coat.

"Innit?" I simply said without looking up from the antelopes running across the screen.

She didn't say anything else; she just came to sit in the armchair at my feet and started staring at me again.

"You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were starting to develop a crush on me, Stonem." I said indifferent, "I know I'm quite fuckable, but let's just be friends, kay?"

"Emily's in town." She simply stated out of the blue.

I'd nearly choked on the smoke I'd just inhaled and fallen down the couch when she said that.

"'Scuse me?" I said coughing.

"I said, Emily's in town," she answered as matter-of-factly as before, though with her 'I'm studying your very soul right now' stare.

I couldn't believe she was saying it like it was no big deal. I mean, it wasn't really; I was just chocked, is all. I hadn't spoken to her in about a year now, and back then we didn't really leave things in a good way, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised she hadn't let me know she was in town. Last I heard she was in a relationship, so I'm sure I'm the last person she wants to see anyways. Don't get me wrong, it's not like we can't stand to be in the same room together, quite the opposite really. After we broke up, we tried with a clean break, you know? Like, no calls, no texts, no nothing. So when we got together because of some event we were both invited to because of our shared friends, the past bitch-slapped us _hard_ in the face and we could barely control what happened afterwards. It was like, one second we were politely small talking about how things went, what we were up to and whatnot and the next second our clothes had magically disappeared and we were tangled up with each other like we were in college again and nothing else mattered as long as we were together. The first few times it happened we always cuddled and behaved like we had never been apart afterwards, at least for a couple of hours until reality would hit us, but as we got older and the get-togethers with the gang happened less and less frequent, we started sneaking out the next morning like what we had done had been wrong. I'm not even sure who started doing it, though from past experience I'm guessing it was me.

The last time it happened though, it completely screwed up her relationship at the time and I think she blamed me, but, I mean, it wasn't like I raped her, so she can't completely blame me.

It was at JJ and Lara's wedding (yes, they got married already, but then again, they kind of already have a kid, so…), and to be perfectly honest I acted like a kid on Christmas Eve the week up to the wedding because frankly, I just really missed Emily and I couldn't wait to see her. So, imagine my surprise when she waltzed in to the church with a 5'11 gorgeous brunette on her arm as her date. Fuck's sake, of course I got fucking jealous, no one had even bothered to tell me she was seeing someone, not even Emily herself, so I was not in the least prepared to see her with someone else, let alone a girl who looked like she had been picked from a freaking catalogue.

Needless to say, I got pretty pissed, like, I think I might have tried to snog JJ's mom at one point, but I'm not a 100% sure. The whole night is kind of a blur. However, I do remember Emily finding me on the stairs in the hotel lobby where the reception was being held. Apparently Effy had tried persuading me to go to my room and sleep it off, but had sent Emily after she failed miserably and only got me as far as the lobby.

* * *

_"You okay there, Naomes?"_ _She said as she sat down next to me on the stairs. _

_"Just fucking peachy." I said as I took a swig of the bottle I was holding. I think it was Vodka. _

_"I'm sorry," she said quietly after a while. _

_"You could have at least fucking told me, Ems!" I nearly yelled, "Or was it some kind of sick plan to rub it in my face, huh? To punish me some more perhaps?" _

_"What? No! Of course not, Naomi." She answered and looked down on her feet, "I just didn't know how to tell you…"_

_"Great, well that's just fucking great." I said as I tried to stand up and get away from her, but with the amount of alcohol I had in my blood I nearly fell on my arse had it not been for Emily steadying me with her hands._

_So there we stood, my skin on fire from where her skin touched mine. We locked eyes for a second or two before I pushed her away from me as if she'd actually burned me. _

_"Don't." I said on the edge of tears, "Don't fucking touch me."_

_And with that I walked past her and up the stairs to my room, hoping I would be able to even find it in the state I was in. I thought I heard her call after me, but it wasn't until I reached the hallway my room was in that I knew she had followed me. _

_"Please, would you just wait a minute," She begged as she gripped my wrist, "Please, let's just talk about this, okay?"_

_I pulled my wrist from her grip harder than was necessary, and it was obvious, even in my state, that it hurt her that I couldn't stand her touch, that I could barely look at her._

_"What's there left to fucking talk about, Emily? You're with someone else and you couldn't even be bothered to fucking tell me about it." I spat viciously, tears running annoyingly down my cheeks now. _

_"I know, and I'm truly sorry, I really am. I should've told you." She answered, clearly trying not to cry herself, but why she would be crying beat me. _

_"You think?" I said with my best 'That should be obvious to anyone'- look and turned around to look for my room again. _

_"I just… I didn't think you would react like this…" she said behind me, not moving. _

_I turned around immediately again, not believing what I was hearing, and walked back to where she stood. _

_"How did you think I would fucking react, Emily? Did you think I would just congratulate her, whatever the fuck her name is, on getting the only thing that has ever made me feel the least bit of real happiness, huh? Did you think I would give you my blessing and ask if we should all go out for coffee one day? Is that it, is that what you would have done?" I yelled at her, not caring if I woke any of the other guests. I barely knew what I was saying; it was just rolling off my tongue. She didn't answer; she just looked up at me with confused, sad brown eyes that I used to love getting lost in, but not anymore. Now they represented everything I had tried to protect myself from before she waltzed into my life and broke through the walls like they were made of fucking jelly, "I guess you would, 'cause you've clearly moved on." I added and turned away from her again, but before I could make it down the hall she asked the one thing I couldn't answer. _

_"Haven't you?"_

_I stopped immediately in my tracks. It was a question I'd asked myself every day since we broke up, and deep down I think I knew the answer, but I couldn't tell her the answer, let alone admit it to myself. Admit to myself that I was as much a slave for my feelings for her as I'd been since I was twelve. I had to rebuild the walls; otherwise I'd die loving her. _

_I turned around to look at her, to tell her something in the lines of 'It didn't matter' or 'what kind of question is that', but I'd hesitated just long enough for her to know the answer, to read my thoughts the way she always had been able to. She knew me too well. _

_The moment I turned around I was met by her lips crashing against mine, her fingers instantly and familiar in my hair and though I knew it was wrong, that she would regret it in the morning, I just couldn't stop myself. My hands flew around her waist and I pressed her against me like it was the last time I might hold her, which for all I knew it might've been. _

_She gasped from the closeness and pushed me hard against the wall then, her tongue begging entrance to meet mine, which I gladly granted. Suddenly it was like it always had been, nothing else mattered but us. I couldn't think clearly, I couldn't think rationally. I couldn't think past her familiar taste I'd missed for months, I couldn't think past her familiar touch, how we always moved so brilliantly synchronized, the way we fitted each others bodies, her smell of vanilla mixed with her own sweet scent… It was all too much. I wanted her to be happy, I truly did, and I knew that though she might've wanted this, wanted me right then, she would hate herself in the morning for what she'd done, but it didn't matter, she was mine. She always would be, no matter whom she was with. _

_As the last few rational thoughts slowly gave up their miserable attempt of getting past my desire, my love for this one girl, I pushed her hard against the opposite wall of the hall so I was the one pinning her against the surface, like I was trying to keep her from ever leaving. She moaned into my mouth as her back made contact with the wall and I pushed her against it with my body. Her hands were still in my hair. I'd moved one of mine to her cheek and the other one was slowly making its way up her bare leg. I started trailing kisses up the side of her jawline to under her earlobe and down the side of her neck, just as my hand reached the fabric of her dress and I wrapped her leg around me so my own thigh pressed harder against her centre. She threw her head back up against the wall and moaned gratefully as she breathed heavily. One of her hands was now pressed against my lower back, begging me for more. I breathed heavily into her neck as my hand that wasn't holding her leg slid down her neck, past her collarbone and cupped one of her tits. She moaned again as I squeezed softly. It was like fucking music to my ears. _

_"Which room?" She asked almost impatiently in a hoarse voice that did more to me than I could ever explain in words. _

_There was no going back now, I thought to myself as I was frantically trying to remember my room number. _

_"Um…" I tried, completely short of breath and distracted by her hands pressing me more fiercely against her and my own hand nearly below her sweet bum, "I think… It's…."_

_"Naomi!" She moaned, definitely impatient, as my hand reached its destination._

_"2….206." I finally stammered between breaths. _

_She immediately pushed herself off the wall and I let go off her leg. Her lips were on mine again, not wanting complete loss of contact. We made our way down the hallway, kissing, as we reached my room. I pinned her against the door again with my body, as I looked for my room-key in my purse that had been hanging across my body. When I finally found it I tried miserably to multitask as I tried finding the keyhole while kissing her, no pun intended. Now it was my turn to get impatient. _

_"Fuck's sake," I groaned as I reluctantly removed my lips from hers and concentrated on finding the damn hole. _

_She laughed a soft hoarse little laugh that I hadn't heard in such a long time, it just did it for me. I finally heard the very welcome click that informed me I know had full access to do whatever I wanted. I almost smashed the door open, making us practically stumble into the room, but luckily I managed to steer us over to the bed before we fell on the floor. As I fell on top of her I heard the door lock itself very conveniently, but before I got a chance to do the things I wanted to do to her she pushed me around so she was on top, straddling me with a knee on each side of me. She looked down at me with pure desire before she leaned down to kiss me, but I met her halfway and grabbed her hair with my hands, pulling her to me as her hands went around my neck. We kissed feverishly like that for a few minutes. It almost resembled how one would breathe in the last few breaths of air knowing there would be none left after that._

_I started sliding my hands down her neck, past her collarbone, down her sides, to her thighs where the hem of her dress had been pushed up a bit. I took a hold of the dress and started pulling it off her, slowly letting my hands drag the dress up her bare stomach. She broke the kiss to raise her arms so I'd be able to pull it off her completely, but just before I pulled it off her we locked eyes, and when I'd thrown the dress somewhere far away from her, we didn't resume kissing immediately. _

_She put her hands around my neck and pulled me closer. I put mine on her lower back and did the same. She looked into my eyes and for the first time since she kissed me in the hallway I noticed the tears very slowly running down her cheeks. For the first time I noticed the look in her eyes that beyond desire and want looked genuinely sad. _

_"I can't stand it… I can't…" She echoed my words from years ago and started kissing me again through sobs. As she said those words, I knew what this was and the tears started running down my cheeks again as well. This was goodbye. _

_"It's okay… it's okay." I echoed her words between sobs and kisses. _

_She then went on to pull my dress off me more aggressively and when the dress joined the other somewhere in the room I lifted her up slightly and turned us around so I was on top again. Somewhere inside me an unwelcome voice was telling me she was doing this for my sake, that this was closure for me, and as I could feel her trying to get on top of me again to make _me_ feel good, the voice grew stronger. But if this was the last time I was ever going to make love to the only person I'd ever loved this way in my entire life, the only person I would ever love like this in my lifetime, then I sure as hell didn't want to be at the receiving end. I wanted to see for one last time the things I knew I could make her feel despite everything. I wanted to see her under me, clutching the sheets, my hair, crying _my _name and not some other girl's who didn't know her like I did. From the wrinkling of her nose when she first wakes up in the morning, to the way I can tell she misses her family even though she'd never admit it, to the exact places I know drive her crazy with pleasure. The thought of never experiencing these things again, experiencing her, almost split me right open with heartache right then and I grew more aggressive in my kisses as the tears kept coming faster and faster and her taste tasted more and more like saltwater. _

_I slipped my hand behind her back as I'd done so many times now, and quickly unclasped her bra, dragged it off her and threw it away. I went to trail kisses down her neck again as I parted her legs with my knee and pressed my thigh against her centre as I'd done in the hallway. I was strangely relieved when I felt how wet she was and felt how she ached her hips up to meet my thigh, and more I was more grateful than ever when I heard her moan softly in my ear. I started trailing kisses further down her body until I reached her tits. I started licking and sucking gently as her pushed her hips further into my thigh._

_"Please…" she begged, breathing heavily. _

_If it stood to me, I'd let this go on and on until it was simply nothing but torture, just so I could be with her longer, but I knew that would be selfish, which I was already being by letting her doing this knowing it would kill her tomorrow. She wasn't the cheating type. I was, or I had been at least. So I obeyed and started making my way down her stomach, kissing every inch like it was the last time, which it was. When I reached her knickers I quickly pulled them off and traced my fingertips ever so lightly up her legs and inner thighs. _

_"Fuck. Naomi, please…" she moaned, aching her hips involuntarily again. _

_I parted her legs a bit further and pulled her hungrily towards me. I kissed her inner thighs teasingly a few times, only because I knew she loved it, before I went to work on where she really wanted me. As I held her in place with my arms I started doing nothing but magic with my tongue if you took her approving hums and moans, as any indication of what I was doing was right. She grabbed fistfuls of my hair, begging me for more._

_"Naomi… I can't…I'm gonna…" she said between heavy breaths and moans. _

_So I mixed the sensation and magic of my tongue with a finger that started doing its own magic, but she was so wet that it was soon joined by a second. I found the familiar place almost instantly and was rewarded with her breath hitching and erotic soft moans that were the sweetest, sexiest thing I would ever get to hear in my life. As I felt her body quiver beneath me I knew it wouldn't be long. I replaced my ravishing tongue with my thumb and started kissing her up her body again. I wanted to see her come - I needed to. As I reached her mouth I swallowed her sounds with my mouth before I simply looked down at her. Just before I felt her tense beneath me we locked eyes again and I couldn't stop the tears that started running down my cheeks involuntarily again when I saw the tears on her cheeks. When she clutched the sheets around us, threw her head back and cried out my name I was sure the sound pierced right through my heart, so I had to swallow it with a kiss or I was sure I'd die right then and there from heartbreak. _

_"Please, look at me, Ems." I said sobbing just before it was over._

_She looked up at me, brown and red puffy eyes and I thought to myself that I didn't really deserve her. This was my punishment, my ultimate punishment for fucking it up when I had her and for ultimately letting her go. As our breathing slowed I slipped my fingers out of her and kissed her like my life depended on it. The kiss tasted too much of saltwater and too little of her. _

_As she started kissing my neck and trying to remove my bra I nearly broke down completely. _

_"Don't." I said sobbing, and removed her hands. She looked at me confused, sniffling. _

_"Just… Please, let me hold you for a while. That's all I want." I said crying. _

_She did what I asked, a final wish if you will, and we just lay there, crying and holding on to one another one last time until we fell asleep in each other's arms. _


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

Hey guys, a quick update for you seeing as I can't get this story out of my head. Also, I want to thank you for the feedback I've gotten so far, it really does mean a lot, so keep at it!

The second chapter starts of with the second half of the flashback Naomi was experiencing in chapter one. It's a bit tough, and I'd really rather write all of the sappy stuff, but we all know that would be unrealistic. I hope you like it though. Enjoy! xx

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**Take Me or Leave me**

**Chapter two**

_When I woke up very early the next morning, it was just before dawn, I completely panicked. Everything from the night before came rushing back, I couldn't feel her beside me, only empty sheets, and all I could think was that I couldn't say goodbye, I couldn't lose her. _

_I opened my eyes and frantically looked around the room for her, for those beautiful strands of red hair. I relaxed a bit when I saw her sitting on the edge of the bed, but it lasted about two seconds before I realised she was putting on her clothes in that quite way as not to wake me. She was going to just leave me here in bed, without saying anything, without waking me, fully knowing that this was the last time we would be together. Knowing this was goodbye._

_Tears started running down my cheeks again. I swear the amount of tears I've shed for that girl throughout the years would fill up an ocean. _

_"Please don't leave me." I said in a voice that I barely recognized myself, cracking on the word 'leave'. It sounded so pathetically desperate. When did I get to this point? When did I become this pathetic weak person? _

_Emily tensed of the sound of my voice, of the desperate words uttered. Somewhere in my mind I thought that I should've just pretended to be asleep, let her go without a fight yet again so she could find the happiness she so deserved instead of being stuck with a mess and an emotionally damaged person such as myself, but the thought of never stroking that beautiful face with my hand again, never looking into those big enchanting brown eyes and never again kissing her soft tender lips was too much to take. The thought of her in another woman's arms… It was unbearable. _

_She turned her head slightly in my direction, as if to say something, but she didn't. She didn't even look at me. After a moment or two she got off the bed and started looking for her dress. I couldn't help but stare at her. Was she really just going to walk out that door without a word, without even as much as a glance at me? _

_"Please, Em… Please just stay here with me." I tried again sobbing, pretty much begging at this point. And when she still didn't answer or look at me but only tensed more at my words, I got off the bed and continued, "Don't go back to her. I can't… You don't belong with her."_

_This seemed to be too much for Emily to hear. She turned around to face me for the first time since I'd woken up and stared at me incredulously with tears in her eyes that threatening to spill over. _

_"Oh no? Well where do I belong then, Naomi? With you? Because despite what you might think, meaningless drunk sex from time to time isn't what I'm looking for."_

_I couldn't believe she would call last night meaningless. It had meant everything to me, like every time I was with her did. Never once in my life when we had sex had I thought of it as less than what it was. Love. In the beginning I might have been running as I did the first time at the lake, but despite me leaving her that morning it had meant the world to me, and it still did today. _

_"Meaningless?" I managed to choke out, "If that's your definition of meaningless then I… Then I guess you truly have moved on." I continued, the realization hitting me like a cold bucket of water splashed on my face. _

_Emily's stance relaxed into a softer one, her eyes looking defeated as they looked at my desperate and hurt face for a moment or two. _

_"Naomi, what is it that you want from me?" She asked tiredly._

_I didn't answer right away. Not because I didn't know the answer, but because I knew there would be no going back if I spoke them out loud. If I let the few walls I'd managed to build back up around my heart since we broke up fall down again, and I got the reaction I feared down to my very core, then I'd be truly, completely and utterly broken. There would be nothing left than pain and heartache, but I knew that if I didn't try with honesty for once, if I didn't take that risk then I'd always be haunted by 'what ifs' for the rest of my life. Not to mention I felt like I owed it to her somehow, to put my heart out there for one last time. _

_"Isn't it obvious?" I started with half a sad smile and crossed my arms over my chest as to protect me from the reaction my next words might cause. With tears running down my cheeks, and all humour gone I added, "I just want _you_."_

_The intake of a sharp breath and the tears spilling over and running down her cheeks had me thinking for a moment that my fears had been for nothing. Maybe this was just what she needed to hear, I thought to myself hopefully, maybe, just maybe, she would realize that what she wanted was right in front of her. _

_Of course life and love wasn't that easy, at least not in my world. It never had been. So as I watched her expression change from a soft shocked and thoughtful one to one of pure disbelief and hurt I slowly and painfully broke inside. _

_"No. No you don't!" She cried angrily as she picked up her dress and pulled it over her head. She ran a hand through her red hair once in frustration and looked at my confused expression, "You only want me right now because I'm with someone else, because you can't really have me. It's a fucking challenge for you, innit? For you to see whether or not I'm the same pathetic girl I was in college that would ask 'How high?' if you told me to jump, but I'm not Naomi. I'm over you, I'm over us and I've moved on. It's time you did too." She spat viciously, but unable to stop her tears though she angrily wiped at her face to make them go away. _

_Nothing had prepared me for those words. Like, I knew it would hurt when she eventually rejected me, but not in the million years had I thought it would feel like this, like someone had literally sliced open my chest, ripped out my beating heart and squeezed it with such a power that it would never beat again. _

_If Emily noticed my whole body, my whole being, break violently in front of her she didn't care, she continued her endless torture of words brutally, "You know, I just can't believe you. I can't believe you can stand there, look me in the eye and tell me that when you've made it perfectly clear time after fucking time that you don't want me when you finally have me. You want the chase, Naomi, and you can fucking have it. I'm done. I'm just done…" She said defeated and continued after a beat, "I'm going to try and salvage the relationship I've royally screwed up by doing exactly the same thing you did to me and when I walk out that door that's it. Whatever this is," She said furiously and gestured between us "It's over."_

_I know I should've probably said something, but I was just so dumbfounded of the way she'd come to think of me, of us, that I didn't know what to say. I couldn't find my voice. I was so hurt of the words she'd uttered, so completely broken that I honestly couldn't think of a single thing to say to her even if I could find my voice. It must've been so obvious to her how this affected me, how she was hurting me inside out, but she still showed no mercy. Somewhere I thought some of the rage she was feeling was directed towards herself for doing the same unforgivable thing to 'what's-her-name' as I did to her. I'd corrupted her somehow, and she couldn't stand it. _

_Just before she walked out the door she stopped for a second. She didn't look back, but simply turned her head slightly in my direction, "This was goodbye, Naomi. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for."_

_And with that she walked through the door and out of my life forever. _

_The moment the door closed my body couldn't take it anymore and I collapsed on my knees, still clutching my chest as if to try and protect my broken heart that couldn't possibly hurt more than it did right then. I cried uncontrollably for hours and hours, scratching and pressing at my chest in a miserable attempt to make the pain go away. _

_At some point I'd settled my back against the bed and pulled my knees to my chest. I was still crying, though a lot less hysterically at this point and rocked back and forth trying to soothe myself. My head was thumping against my skull from crying, but I barely noticed. The pain in my chest was overruling everything else entirely. _

_I had no idea how long I sat there, just rocking back and forth crying, but at some point I heard the door click open. I could just make out two or three silhouettes standing in doorway from the corner of my eye that was fixed on a random spot on the floor. _

_I thought I heard a shocked intake of breath, someone saying something in the lines of 'We've found her' and the next I knew arms were around me trying to comfort me. _

_"Fuck, Naomes, what happened to you? I've been so worried." The voice belonging unmistakably to Effy said. _

_I couldn't talk, couldn't find my voice. I couldn't do anything but rock back and forth and stare at the same spot I'd been staring at for hours as my tears ran all too familiar down my cheeks. _

_"I have to call Ems," another unwelcome familiar voice stated, "Promised I'd call when we found her." _

_This statement snapped me out of my broken state and I looked up to find Katie standing in the room next to an unfamiliar face in uniform, most likely the staff member who let them into the room, but I couldn't concentrate on anything except what Katie had just said. _

_"Please don't…" I tried choking out miserably. My voice was not my own, it couldn't be. It sounded so entirely broken that it couldn't belong to me. Yet, when I tried speaking again it was the same voice that spoke, "Please don't tell her."_

_I knew Katie would understand. Understand that I didn't wanted Emily to know the state they'd found me in. That would be too much to take, not that she'd care, but I did. I didn't wanted her to know she could make me feel like this, that I truly did love her so much it was killing me. It hadn't just been simply words when I'd said them in Freddie's shed; it had been the truth, whether or not she believed that. _

_Katie frowned for a second, and then the realization hit her the same time I could feel Effy realizing it beside me as well. This was about her, about Emily. Katie nodded once and walked out of the room. _

_"It's going to be okay." Effy said and pulled me to her chest, "You'll be okay."_

_She kissed my hair then and started rocking me back and forth soothingly when I started crying hysterically again. It was very uncharacteristically of her, like, I could barely believe it. Nonetheless I felt cared for, I felt worried for. I felt loved and it comforted me. _

_"Please, get me out of here." I cried desperately, not wanting to smell Emily's scent in the room for one more second._

_Effy didn't hesitate for a second, she pulled me to my feet, steadied me and led me out of the room. _

* * *

That was how we became flatmates in the first place, when I couldn't go back home, I thought to myself lost in thought.

I'd almost forgotten to breathe while taking a trip down memory lane, so when I took a deep breathe to calm my thoughts, Effy's voice startled me.

"Ah, you're still breathing." She said amused, "Thought I'd lost you for a second."

I shook off the last agonizing memories, composed myself and retorted, "You wish, Stonem. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not gonna need mouth to mouth this time."

She smirked at me and went back to staring at me.

"Well?" She finally asked when I didn't say anything.

"Well, what?" I asked, fully knowing what she meant.

"Don't play dumb with me, Campbell." She said still amused, "You know what I mean."

"Look, I was just shocked to hear she's in town, is all. I honestly don't care. She can do whatever she want." I said and started to walk past her to my room.

"Right…." She said like she'd just realized something obvious as I walked by her, "You're lying to yourself." She simply stated.

"You might want to get your psychic abilities checked, Eff, they're clearly not working." I said unconvincingly as I walked into my room and closed the door.

I sat down on the side of my bed, trying desperately to ignore the loud thumping sound coming from my chest.

A minute or two after I'd closed the door Effy opened it again. She kept standing in the doorway, staring at me. She really did that a lot lately, I thought before I spoke.

"When someone walks away from you and closes her bedroom door it's usually a sign that she wants to be left alone, Effy." I said annoyed.

"You still love her, don't you?" She asked, but it didn't really feel like a question, more like a statement, "After all this time, you still love her… Interesting."

I flinched at her words. How could she even think that? That I still loved her? I'd clearly moved on… clearly. I mean, maybe somewhere deep down I still cared for her, like anyone would care for the one they'd loved and lost. But love, as in the present tense… I couldn't. The walls I'd built up around me after that painful event at the hotel made sure of that. They made sure no such feelings had access to my heart. She was wrong. For once Effy Stonem was wrong.

"That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard," I said, trying to sound like I actually found the statement amusing.

"Love like that doesn't just disappear, Naomi. You can't just wake up one day and stop loving someone." She said with a thoughtful, but almost sad look and I knew she'd thought of Freddie that moment.

"Guess I've proved that theory wrong, Eff. Besides, it's been almost a year. A lot can happen in a year." I said, and when she looked like she didn't believe me for one second and just smiled her annoyingly knowing smile I practically shouted at her, "Fuck's sake, I don't fucking love her anymore!"

"Whatever makes you sleep at night, Naomes." She said laughing and started turning around and walk back to the living room, "I take it you don't want to know what she said then, when I met her for lunch today..."

I stared at her, mouth hanging open, as she closed the door behind her.

Effy _fucking _Stonem. She always knew exactly what to say, which buttons to push. Leave it to her to completely turn my day around. I lay down on my bed with a thud.

_What the fuck_, I thought to myself, _you're not supposed to care about what she said. You're not supposed to care about her, period. _

But as I lay there trying and failing miserably to not be the least bit curious as to what she was doing in town, to what she had said to Effy and whether or not she'd said anything about me, I finally gave up. I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight unless I knew.

So with my tail between my legs, figuratively speaking, I made my way out to the living room again.

Effy pretended to be watching the TV screen, but I knew she noticed my presence and was just waiting for me to speak up, to ask her what she knew I wanted to know.

"So, um…" I started slowly, crossing my arms over my chest protectively, "What did she say?"

Effy looked up at me then with an annoying satisfied look on her face. I had to restrain myself to not cross the distance between us and slap it off her face.

"Oh, you know, she just told me what she was doing in town, how things were going, what she's been up to. That kind of stuff." She said, smiling knowingly.

"And?" I asked, willing her to go on.

"She's in town for a job interview. She's staying with Katie for now." She stated, and I frowned a bit.

I didn't know how I felt about that. Emily possibly getting a job in town meant that the odds of us running in to each other were a lot higher, and I didn't know how to feel about that. I didn't know if I could ever handle seeing her again to be honest. My heart couldn't risk it, but I couldn't help but notice the warm fussy feeling running through my body. It was strangely familiar, but foreign these days.

When I didn't say anything she went on, "Apparently she's still seeing that slut from the wedding, though, guess they worked things out after… well… you know."

I'd told Effy about everything that had happened at the wedding and sworn her to secrecy. I knew Emily didn't know that Effy knew, so she was just assuming they'd worked things out. I guess they had since they were still together. Apparently they fixed whatever it was Emily and I never could. The fact settled over me like a big fat grey cloud.

"I see…" I simply said, trying to keep my voice and look indifferent, but I knew Effy always saw through my feeble attempts at hiding my feelings, "Did she, um… Did she say anything about… you know… about me?"

Effy looked at me for a second like she regretted making me ask her. She gave me a small smile and answered in a soft voice.

"She did…" she said, "She misses you."

I hadn't expected that. Hadn't expected that at all. To be honest, I hadn't expected her to mention me at all. Not after the things she'd said to me at the wedding. I had to sit down suddenly and went to slump down the armchair.

"Oh," was all I could mutter.

"She didn't want to elaborate on it, though I obviously already knew what she was talking about, but she said she'd said some things at the wedding that she regretted." Effy went on, almost extending me a handful of hope with that sentence, but I didn't take it, so she continued, "She wanted to know how you were doing, what you were up to, what you'd spent the last year doing. She was quite eager for all the details, but she of course told me not to tell you that." She said with a wink.

All this information that should've made my heart lighter somehow actually ended up doing the exact opposite. I don't know how many hours I'd spent fantasising about Emily actually caring about what I did with my life, that she actually missed me, but instead of the happy feelings I'd experienced while fantasising of such impossible things, I instead felt my heart grow heavier.

"And what did you tell her?" I asked, hoping she hadn't told her what a mess I actually was.

"Well, I told her the truth of course. For the most parts, anyways."

"_What?_" I said incredulously, "Fuck's sake Effy, I thought you'd use the few brain cells you still had left from all the spliff to know that I didn't wanted her to know that."

If she was hurt of what I'd said, she didn't let me know.

"I thought you didn't care?" She just asked, humored again.

"I don't… It's just…" I started, but knew I'd have to fess up about the fact that I really just wanted Emily to think I was doing fucking splendid without her, that I was happy without her, "Never mind. Well, I'm glad everything seems to be going her way."

"Really?" Effy asked, not convinced, "So you wouldn't mind if I went out with her and Katie tomorrow night?"

She was challenging me. Challenging me to face my feelings head on and stop hiding, stop pretending. Well fuck you Effy Stonem, I wasn't falling for it.

"You can do whatever you want. It's a free country." I said, trying to sound indifferent, "Besides, it's not like I care."

I pushed myself off the chair and went to my room again. I wasn't running away. I wasn't hiding. I was simply making a statement, I told myself.

"Sure you don't." I heard Effy say before I closed the door, and I could just imagine her knowing smile in my head.

* * *

**A/N:**

_Yeah, I'm sure she doesn't care one bit ;) what do you guys think? haha. _

_What to look forward to in the next chapter: A lot of Effy's mind fucking games. They'll drive Naomi nuts, but she'll eventually love her for them when she starts targeting someone else (!?). Emily will make her first appearance, well in the present sense anyways. Also, look forward to a childish Naomi who might have the talent to become a magician one day.. and I don't mean because of her magic fingers... um.. yeah. Stay tuned guys! xx_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

_Hey guys, welcome back or whatever you say. For most parts I guess this chapter's sort of a filler, but it also contains some important facts, or clues, if you will, about some future things in the story. I'm not really sure I'm completely satisfied with how it turned out though, but I think there's a lot of fun stuff in there, so I hope you enjoy! And thank you for the reviews for chapter two, you guys are awesome. Please, keep reading and reviewing, it warms my heart! _

* * *

**Take Me or Leave Me**

**Chapter three**

_Okay, so maybe I care a little,_ I thought as Friday evening came around. Apparently Katie and Emily were coming by to pick up Effy before going out. Like… here… at our apartment… with me still in it.

Since yesterday evening Effy had done nothing but challenge me and play her sick little mind games on me, it was torture to say the least.

Earlier she actually asked me if I wanted to come join them, because surely it wouldn't be a problem since I couldn't care less about Emily and the whole stupid situation. I honestly didn't know what the fuck she was thinking, let alone what the hell she was on. Instead of admitting that I'd rather fucking have a threesome with Cook and George Bush than spending a night out with the girl who broke my heart and later meeting up with her slut of a girlfriend (her name still gladly forgotten), I'd instead told her that though I appreciated the offer deeply, I was meeting up with a friend of mine. She'd been quick to pick up on the sarcasm though and just laughed it off.

Later today, however, she'd informed me that Emily and Katie would come by the apartment and pick her up since they wanted to see the place. Well, Emily wanted to see the place I assumed, since Katie had been by a couple of times. You'd think I would completely shy away from Katie after what happened between her sister and me, but that wasn't the case. We sort of had an unspoken agreement not to speak of her when we were together, and after the wedding she understood that I didn't wanted her to talk to Emily about me either. Though she reminded me of Emily more than I'd like to admit (they're twins, what would you expect?) she'd definitely grown up and matured a lot. It suited her, but she could still be a major pain in the arse.

Anyways, it kind of took me by surprise that Emily wanted to come by knowing I'd be here, because Effy had told her so when she'd brought it up. Apparently she didn't mind as long as I was cool with it. Probably either thinking I'd leave anyways to avoid her, or maybe she just truly didn't care because my presence simply didn't affect her anymore. It was like seeing an old friend.

I didn't want to think about that, and cursed myself for caring the slightest about what she thought. So I'd simply told Effy they could do whatever the fuck they wanted, and then I proceeded to storm into my room and slammed the door shut, you know, really indifferently.

Effy picked up on this of course; you didn't have to be a freaking psychic to know that I did in fact care. So she'd told me softly that she'd tell Emily that it wasn't a good idea for her to stop by. For a moment the thought of that sounded reliving, but then I started thinking. Why should it bother me so much? Why did I even care anymore? Emily had told me quite firmly I should move on from her, from us, and I intended to show her that I'd done exactly that. So I willed myself not to care, not to fear her, and I'd told Effy that she shouldn't cancel the tour of the flat, that I was just annoyed with her for keep pushing me to admit feelings that I wasn't having – hence the slamming with the door. She hadn't looked convinced, not at all, but she went with it anyways with that knowing smile of hers.

So now I was pacing the living room restlessly as Effy got ready for the evening out and the seconds ticked by. I couldn't sit still. I was so nervous, which I'd never admit out loud of course. Could you blame me? I hadn't seen her for about a year and after the way we left things it wasn't as if it was a happy reunion between old friends.

"You're going to make a hole in the floor if you keep pacing like that." Effy said amused from the doorway of her bedroom.

I stopped immediately in my tracks and thought I might've looked like a kid who'd been caught with a hand in the cookie jar.

"I… Um… You know, I'm just…" I stammered. Where the fuck had my confidence gone?

"I know." She said smiling softly and crossed the distance between us and started rubbing my shoulders comforting.

It still took me by surprise whenever Effy did those kinds of affectionate gestures. It was so unlike her in so many ways, but it made me feel so much better because of it. I knew she didn't show this kind of affection with anyone else except her brother. I knew how much it took for her to let me in, and I think she felt the same way.

"You know, there's still time for you to sneak down to the store or something. Maybe we just happen to be out of milk." She said with a smile.

I didn't try to fight her at this point about having cold feet. I mean it wasn't as I admitted to still having feelings for Emily or anything like that. It was only understandable I would be this nervous, right?

"Forget it. It's okay Eff. Probably bound to happen sooner or later if she gets the job, eh?"

"Probably right about that." She said and let her arms fall to her sides, "Better to just get it over with. Just rip it off like a Band-Aid."

"Right. Like a Band-Aid." I agreed weakly just as a knocking sound made me jump about four feet and the bit of confidence and bravery I'd just managed to scramble together completely vanished.

"Fuck. I can't do this Eff! I can't… I'm… I think…" I murmured, positive I was about to have a freaking panic attack. It was pathetic, really.

"Okay, just calm the fuck down, Naomes." She whispered as she tried calming me down with her hands again, "Look, it's going to be fine. They'll come in, you'll briefly look awkwardly at each other, you'll nod and politely greet one another and that's fucking that, okay? Just like a Band-Aid."

_Pull yourself the fuck together,_ I thought to myself then, _it's been a fucking year. Stop being such a pussy._

"Right…" I whispered more calmly. "What could happen, yeah?"

"Yeah..." She echoed and looked at me for permission to get the door when the knocking started again, followed by the unmistakably sound of an impatient Katie.

"Would you twats open the fucking door already, or are you planning to let us grow old out here?" It sounded through the door.

I nodded once at Effy, giving her permission to open the door.

I didn't know what happened next. Or more correctly I didn't know _how _the fuck it happened. One second I was trailing behind Effy nervously to the door, the next I was in my room, standing behind the closed door as Effy greeted the twins. When did I become such a fucking spineless twat?

"Well that was about fucking time, Stonem." Katie said, I could hear her through the door, "You gonna let us in or what?"

"Yeah… Um, sorry… Come on in." She said confused, which was something that happened rarely, most likely caused by my incredible disappearing act. It would've been quite awesome, really, had it not been completely pathetic.

"Evening Eff." Said a nervous, all too familiar voice that made my heart clench by the mere sound, "Nice place you have here."

"Thanks, Em. It's not much, but we like it." Effy answered softly and I heard footsteps making their way around the flat. I was secretly begging that they'd know me well enough to know that I didn't wanted anyone in my room, especially when I wasn't present myself. Seemed like they did, I thought, as the footsteps seemed to settle.

"Speaking of the 'we'," Katie said suddenly, "Where's the other half? I thought you said the twat would be around."

"Yeah, well, so did I." I heard Effy chuckle, "No, really, I think she went out. You just missed her. " She continued and I silently sent her grateful thoughts before she went on, "Something about her date getting off work early. I didn't really catch it before she was out of the door."

_What?_ I thought disbelieving, _what the fuck are you working at, Stonem?_

"Oh," I heard Emily say, but I couldn't interpret the feeling behind it, "Good for her."

"Really?" Katie said, clearly not convinced.

_Shut up Katie, shut up, shut up, _I thought to myself. She knew I hadn't dated anyone seriously after Emily. I'd had flings and random meaningless sex over the past year, but no real relationship. To be honest it was only after I was completely certain I'd never be in Emily's life and vice versa I'd slept with anyone else, the cheating excluded obviously – which was after what happened at the wedding. Even when I knew she was seeing other girls, I just couldn't. I tried a few times, but I could never go through with it. Kind of ironic, innit? That when I was with her the first time around I couldn't stay faithful, but when I wasn't I could barely stomach other people touching me. Of course she didn't know about this, I'm not even sure Effy did, but as I said, I started sleeping around a bit when I finally left the apartment after a few months, but I still had 'commitment issues' as Effy put it.

"Yeah, she met him just last week, he's quite the charmer, really." Effy went on, and I could just imagine her winking at Katie.

What the fuck was going on? Him? Like I'd actually be dating some bloke. I'd slept with like two guys throughout the year when I'd been exceptionally drunk and really lonely. It was just for the fun of it really, because guys were just so incredibly easy, not to mention the fact that I was in a really dark place, but nevertheless I'd never actually date any of them.

I'd never actually labelled myself as anything, you know? I guess I didn't see the point. I thought it was pretty obvious in the end, but it had always been one of Emily's insecurities about me. Especially after the whole Sophia thing and after I'd once been stupid enough to tell her I almost shagged Cook the day after our first time at the lake, it was like no matter what I said to try and reassure her it wasn't enough. Guess I had that one coming, eh? I didn't think she cared about it now though, but it was still weird of Effy to bring it up like that…

_Wait_, I thought to myself, _is she trying to make Emily jealous? Ha, good luck with that Stonem. _I secretly hugged myself though and sent another grateful thought to my best friend. She was one sneaky bitch.

"What?" I heard Emily say, a bit shocked I think.

"Him? I'm sorry, did I fucking miss something or?" Katie added just as surprised.

"Well, no, not really. That girl is just all about experimenting, I'll tell you that." Effy explained, and I could only imagine the smirk on her face, "But I guess you already knew that, didn't you, Ems?"

I felt like either laughing my arse off because of the ridiculousness of it all or burst out of my room and make Effy stop the nonsense. Yet, I remained where I was.

Emily didn't answer, but as I stood there I could just imagine her looking down on her feet uncomfortably and shy as her cheeks started turning the colour of her hair. With that image in my head I almost lost control and burst through the door to look at her, but that would kind give me away, wouldn't ya say?

"Okay then… too much bloody information, Eff, really." Katie said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, "I don't particularly want that image in my head, which is fucking ironic since I didn't wanted the image of her experiencing with my sister in my head either…"

"Katie!" Emily shrieked, "Can we talk about something else, please? Despite everything it's not really a picture I want in my head either."

I didn't know whether she talked about the image of me experimenting with anyone else or with her, but nevertheless I felt good about the fact that she wasn't completely immune to me after all one way or another.

"Sorry, Ems, didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Effy said apologetic, but I could just make out a tiny bit of self-satisfaction in her voice.

"Uncomfortable? Ha!" Katie said, "You should've fucking seen her earlier today, not to mention on the way over here - then we could talk about being uncomfortable. It was fucking hilarious to watch."

"Katie, shut the fuck up, will you?" Emily said annoyed.

"You don't say…" Effy just said knowingly, without a doubt refereeing to me. She so knew I was listening, "Well, it's a shame you didn't get to see Naomes then. You would've seen you had absolutely no reason to be uncomfortable. I mean, it's been like a year now right? She's fine. I think she even looked forward to seeing you, though she would never admit that. You know her, not exactly the sappy type."

In that moment I completely forgot all the mind games and psychic crap Effy had pulled on me the last 24 hours. I simply adored her. I was in awe.

"Right…" was all Emily could say before Effy continued again. That girl sure made up for her years of not speaking tonight.

"I mean, she went kind of sappy and all mushy when she was with you, you just had that effect on her I guess, but now she's back to being the sarcastic bitch we all know and love. And I say that with nothing but love, of course."

I couldn't help but feel like the last comment was directed at me, so I knew she didn't mean anything bad by it. And I wasn't mad; I just didn't understand why she'd said it.

"Speak for yourself Stonem. Sometimes I think I liked the sappy version better despite the fact that she snogged my sister any fucking chance she got." Katie said, surprising me, "Don't tell her I said that though."

"Okay…" Emily said uncomfortably again, "I could sure use a drink by now, anyone else?"

I heard some murmured agreements and soon after they left, but just before the door closed I heard Effy stifle a laugh, "See you later, Casper the friendly ghost…"

I had nothing but love for that girl. I almost felt sad that no one else really got to see this side of her, but then I just felt extra blessed that I got to see and experience it.

I didn't know what to make of the whole thing, though. I guess I was glad and relieved somehow that Emily hadn't just erased me completely from her life and her past. It was nice to know, but it didn't do anything to the heaviness of my heart. I felt a familiar pull in my chest that I hadn't felt it in a long time, it was such a foreign feeling nowadays, but there was no mistaking it. It was longing.

* * *

_I came up behind her, surprising her, and put my arms around her waist. _

"_Hey there lover." I said into her neck as I kissed it tenderly. She squealed in surprise, which was followed by the most adorable laugh in the universe. _

"_Hey yourself gorgeous." She answered happily and put her arms on mine. _

"_I've been looking for you." I said, looking over the sunset on the beach in Goa, "You can't just leave a girl in bed, it's not nice. I got worried."_

_It was our last night in Goa after the most incredible romantic and fantastic trip. We'd just had one of our countless 'I have to jump you right now' moments on this trip and I'd fallen asleep afterwards, completely exhausted for various reasons. I'm serious, that girl is insatiable, though I expect she'd say the same about me. What can I say? She's just simply amazing and I would've never thought being in love could feel this good, but when I woke up she wasn't there._

"_Sorry babe, I just had to see it one last time." She said, referring to the unreal sunset in the horizon, "And you're one to talk…"_

"_Hey!" I complained, knowing she referred to the lake, "You're never gonna let that one go, are you?"_

"_Probably not." She laughed, and after a beat or two continued, "I wish we could stay like this forever, you know? I don't think I'll ever be more happy or more in love than I am right now."_

"_Me too, Ems." I agreed, feeling all warm and fussy, "I love you so much I can barely believe it."_

"_Me neither, actually." She laughed but caught on to my confusing quickly, "I mean, when I first met you I hoped with all my heart we'd once get to where we are now, but… I didn't dare believing it could be a possibility, you know? Hope is dangerous, it can hurt you, but now we're here and I'm finally starting to believe it." She turned her head around to face me, happiness almost radiating off her, "I finally got the girl I love."_

_I laughed at this. It was funny how Ems still thought of the start of our relationship as her chasing me, which I guess was true, but I'd loved her since I was twelve, since I couldn't even begin to comprehend what love really meant, so the love was anything but unrequited. _

"_We both did." I said as I kissed her with all my heart and soul. _

* * *

I woke up from the dream like it'd been a nightmare. I was all sweaty, my breathing was heavy and my heart was beating a million beats per hour. Now, this might sound like the symptoms of another kind of dream as well, but it wasn't. I was almost… scared.

I should've been then. At the beach in Goa I mean, but how could I possibly have known everything would turn to shit once we got home to reality and away from the fantasy world we'd created together? How could I possibly have known I was going to lose her?

_That's all in the past_, I thought as I tried calming my thoughts, _I need to focus on the present and future without her._

I almost shitted myself then, when I heard the door open. I was lying on the couch that I'd apparently fallen asleep at. The friend I'd told Effy I was meeting up with that night was obviously non-existing, so I'd used my night off in front of the TV instead, secretly hoping Effy would come home early and tell me about what a shitty night she'd had, but the clock showed 3:14 AM. Not such a shitty night after all then.

I knew it was kind of pathetic sitting at home waiting for your best friend to come home from a night out with your ex and her new slut of a girlfriend, and to be fair I'd even contemplated calling my friend and colleague Nate to hear if he wanted to meet up, but yet here I was on a Friday night being pathetic.

"Shit Naomes!" Effy shrieked when she saw me, "You scared the living crap out of me, what are you still doing up?"

I didn't need to answer her because the minute she turned on the lamp beside the couch she could read it on my face as she always could.

"Ah, of course." She said and slumped down in the armchair and placed her legs over the armrest and just looked at me.

"What?" I said after a while, not really knowing what to say.

"What do you want to know?" she answered smug.

"Nothing!" I exclaimed unconvincingly.

"Look, Naomes, if there's something you want to know just ask me then."

"You already fucking know what I want to know, don't you?" I asked defeated.

"Possibly." She smiled knowingly.

"So why the fucking torture?"

She only shrugged at me.

"Fuck's sake…" I said, annoyed. It was more with myself though, for wanting to know. "Fine… What was she like? You know, her _girlfriend_."

Effy smiled smugly at me for one second of self-satisfaction, but then her expression changed to a more thoughtful one.

"I couldn't really tell, to be honest." She said almost annoyed.

"What do you mean you couldn't tell? You fucking read people like you read books." I said, then thinking better of it, "I mean, you don't really read books so that was quite the bad example, but you get the point."

"I don't know," she said, suddenly lost in thought, "She was kind of… "

"Kind of what?" I urged.

"Well… Fake." She said, and when she noticed my confusing she added, "I mean, she's really sweet, polite and all that shit, and she sure as hell got everyone wrapped around her little finger, Ems included, but it's like she's trying too bloody hard, you know? It wasn't real, I could see it on her face."

I was trying to wrap my head around it all, but as much as I'd like to believe that Em's new girlfriend wasn't this great fucking trade up from me, it was hard to believe that just because she tried hard to make a good impression it meant that she wasn't genuinely nice.

"And trying hard makes her a fake?" I asked then.

"No, I mean, yes. It's hard to explain." She said exasperated, "You should see her around Ems though, pretty sure you'd see what I mean then. And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like it."

This piqued my interest, not to mention my protective instinct of her. It was instinct, okay? Nothing more to it.

"What do you mean? How's she around Ems?" I asked, suddenly worried.

"Let's just put it like this: It's not hard to see who's got the pants on in that relationship."

"You're shitting me?" I asked, and after a beat I went on, "No way, Ems wouldn't let anyone control her like that. Not the Ems I know."

"Yeah well, as I said, you should see them together." She said, "Then again, you don't care, so why dwell on it, right?" And with that she ended the conversation, went to bed and left me alone with my chaos of thoughts and feelings.

* * *

**A/N:**

_So what did you guys think? I want to know! _

_I'm leaving for Paris on Thursday, so I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to update again. Probably not for a week or so, unless I'll get some writing done in the city of loove or lights or whatever it's called. I might get inspired to the last few pages. ^^_

_Anyways, here's what to look forward to in chapter four: Naomi will finally clean up her room, which will result in lack of clothing. Effy may or may not be meeting up with Emily. Emily and Naomi will stand face to face for the first time since the wedding. No one will hide between closed doors, at least not alone and the whole chapter'll be an emotional roller-coaster that'll probably end up giving someone a whiplash. I apologize in advance._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

_Hey guys! Thanks for coming back for more ;) As I mentioned last time this chapter will be a somewhat emotional roller-coaster, but I think that suits Naomily quite well. haha. Anyways, thank you for the response I've gotten so far. A special shout-out to __**aubs4**__for being impatient, I take it as the biggest compliment. I hope all of you will enjoy the next chapter and I'll appreciate any kind of feedback. So without further ado - enjoy! _

_xx. _

* * *

**Take Me or Leave Me**

**Chapter four**

When I woke up on Saturday morning I felt like a fucking zombie. When I'd finally dragged my arse to my bed after Effy went to bed I couldn't fall asleep again. I tossed and turned for hours and my brain was literally working on overdrive, so when I finally fell asleep again I slept for about three and a half hours before waking up from the same dream that had woken me up earlier that night.

"Fuck's sake." I said to myself annoyed, "What the fuck is wrong with me…"

I heard Effy rummaging in the kitchen then and looked at the time – 9:45 AM. There was no way I was going back to sleep, not if there was any chance I'd have the same happy dream again that felt like a bloody nightmare.

"Morning…" I said in a way that resembled a zombie grunt when I found my way to the kitchen.

"Morning sunshine." Effy said, "Sleep well?"

"Does it look like a fucking slept well?" I asked in my usual cranky morning voice – only ten times worse - and went to stand on the opposite side of the kitchen island.

"You really want me to answer that?" Effy asked and resumed eating her cereal.

I was too tired to answer her, but I could just manage to muster up a 'don't push me'-look before I started on my own cereals.

"Whatever kept you from your precious beauty sleep, Naoms?" Effy continued, "Or should I ask _whomever?_"

"Shut the fuck up and eat your bloody cereal, Eff." I retorted tiredly, "You don't know what you're talking about."

She didn't answer, but she cocked her eyebrow and gave me her 'Are you fucking kidding me, I know everything'- look and waited for me to state the obvious.

"Fine! My mind is on fucking overdrive, okay? It feels like I'm a prisoner in my own head and I can't fucking stand it." I finally said, "Look, I think I just need to get the hell out of here for a while, you know? Get a distraction. Like… we could take a walk, see some… stuff. Or we could go… shopping?"

"Really, Naomi? Shopping… on a Saturday? How desperate are you?" She asked amused.

"Okay, maybe not that desperate. Besides, I'm not sure it would be safe. I'd probably end up hitting an old lady or something… But can we please just get out of here?" I said and looked at her with my best puppy dog eyes I could manage in my current state, "Pleeease…"

"Fuck's sake, Naomi, don't do that. You know I can't stand it. My heart gets like all disgustingly warm and fussy and it makes it impossible to say no to you, which sadly, I have to." She said and went to wash off her bowl.

"What? Why?" I asked more pathetic than I'd liked.

"To be perfectly honest, I have to meet up with Emily this afternoon." She said with the slightest of guilt in her voice – and rightly so!

"You're shitting me…" I said frustrated as she made her way to her room, "So what, now you're fucking gonna start dating her too?"

"Oh keep your vagina on, Naomi." She said as she turned around to face me in the living room, "We just have a lot of catching up to do. It's not like I've kept in touch with her the last year because of obvious reasons and since you won't admit that it bothers you because you might actually still have feelings for her, I don't see the fucking problem."

"Fine. I don't fucking need either of you!" I said in the heat of the moment, because I was just so frustrated with myself really, but I regretted it immediately when I saw the look on Effy's face.

It wasn't exactly hurt, it took a lot for her to show if something hurt her, but it was more like 'I can't believe you would go there'. We'd come a long way since we moved in together, since we first met actually. But during the last year we'd somehow unspoken admitted that we did in fact need each other. I think she needed to know that someone would care if she wasn't here anymore, and though we might not think we needed anyone else we'd become dependent on each other somehow. The thought and the reassurance that you always had someone to fall back on, to be there when no one else was, that was what we needed and that was what we found in each other.

"I… I'm sorry, Eff. You know I didn't mean that." I said quietly.

"I know." She said and her expression softened a bit, "It's just… These last few days you've been all over the place emotionally and I just don't understand why it's so hard for you to admit the truth, to me at least. It's not like I'm gonna fucking judge you or anything, I mean, look at me, I'm a recovering mental case who's still hung up on her dead boyfriend for fuck's sake."

I'd always known that was the case. That she couldn't let go of Freddie. She'd never spoken about it out loud, but I'd always been able to tell in the way she'd sometimes get lost in her thoughts when something reminded her of him, or in the way she'd sometimes speak of him like he wasn't dead. I also knew how much it would've taken for her to say those words out loud, and I knew she was doing it for me in an attempt to make me face my own feelings, but… I just couldn't.

"It's… It's not the same thing, Eff." I said softly. I didn't want her to think I didn't appreciate or see the sacrifice she'd done for me.

"Why not?" She simply asked.

"It's just not." I answered; not wanting to point out that while her love was taken away from her in the most brutal way… I let mine go.

"If you say so." She said with half a smile, and continued, "Are you gonna be okay here though? I'm sure Em would understand if you want me to stay."

"Yeah, I'm fine, really." I said reassuring, "I think I might call Nate or something when I've taken a shower and maybe cleaned up my room… You go have fun, and… say hi from me, I guess…" I added.

"You could always come along, say it yourself?" She asked amused, but when she saw my horrified expression she added laughing, "Or maybe not."

I couldn't help but join in on the laughter. I hadn't realized how horrified my expression must've looked like and the whole situation was kind of ridiculous to say the least.

"I'm gonna go get some work done before I leave, and you better get started on that room of yours if you expect to get done by Christmas." She said as she walked to her room.

"Well…" I started, but couldn't come up with a decent comeback, "Point well made, Stonem…"

As it turned out my room wasn't really that bad. It only looked like that because you couldn't see the floor from all my clothes. So when I'd finally finished at about 1:00 PM and started the washing machine I desperately needed a shower.

"I'm off, Naoms, see you later. Have fun!" Effy yelled as I heard the door slam from the shower.

When I finished my shower and went to put on some clothes I found that I'd put nearly everything away for wash, so when I settled myself in the couch to call Nate I was only wearing black lace underwear and a pair of loose grey sweatpants.

"_Baaabe! So glad you called, I was just thinking about you._" Nate said on the other end as I called him up.

"Really?" I said with a smirk even though I knew he couldn't see me, "Kinky."

"_Don't flatter yourself, Naoms, though true on some occasions I actually just missed you._"

"You saw me less than two days ago, Nate." I said, already feeling my mood lighten.

"_I know, but what can you do?_" he answered, "_So, my favourite girl, what can I do for you?_"

"You can distract me until work tonight. What do you say, hot stuff? Wanna meet up?" I asked.

"_Sure princess. I can -_" he started but was interrupted when I heard someone knock on the door. That someone most possibly being Effy forgetting her bloody keys again. I swear, that girl gets so lost in her thoughts sometimes that she's going to fucking forget herself someday.

"Hang on, Nate, someone's at the door." I said to him as I proceeded to make my way to the door, "Effy, I swear to God someday you'll forget -"

I didn't finish my sentence because when I opened the door the person standing in front of me sure as hell wasn't Effy. It was my past knocking on my door and it came in the fine package of Emily Fitch.

I was so dumbstruck that I dropped my phone on the floor and by the look of her she hadn't exactly expected to see me neither, and probably not half naked either.

"_Naoms, babe, are you okay?_" I heard Nate say through the phone on the floor.

It temporarily snapped me out of my state of shock and I bent down to pick up the phone. I fumbled awkwardly with it in my hand before I stood up again, looking her straight in the eye like I couldn't believe she was actually standing there and said into the phone, "Listen, Nate, I'm gonna have to call you back…"

"_Sure babe, but are everything -_"

He didn't get a chance to finish before I broke off the connection. I slowly lowered the phone from my ear without breaking eye contact and then I _really_ looked at her.

As I'd thought so many times the last few days, a lot can happen in one year, but if anything it had only made her more annoyingly breath-taking, like literally, I felt like I couldn't fucking breathe. She was dressed in a high waist black skirt, a light brown shirt, black heels and an open black coat. Her hair was a darker red and longer than I remembered, but it suited her. She looked more mature, more… well, breath taking if that was ever a possibility.

After what felt like forever I finally found my voice as the first, "Hi." I said stupidly.

_Really, Naomi? _I thought to myself, _one year apart and that's all you can fucking come up with?_

"Hi." She said back, looking like she still couldn't believe I was standing in front of her, "You dyed your hair." She went on, still completely taken aback.

"Yeah… I… I needed the change." I managed to say.

"Right…" She said quietly and her eyes started traveling from my eyes and down my half naked upper body. I swear her look did more to me than any looks, any touches, had done to me in the time we'd been apart and I couldn't run from it. I couldn't ignore the fluttering feeling in my stomach, the shiver down my spine, not to mention the feeling in my chest where I believe my heart used to be. I couldn't tell myself it wasn't her doing, because there she was, right in front of me.

I barely had a chance to ask her what she was doing here, let alone think a coherent thought before she practically jumped me.

If her showing up at my front door had surprised me, I don't know how I felt when her lips crashed against mine. I was beyond astonished. Honestly, I could barely concentrate on whether I should push her away or kiss her back. I was simply stunned.

Of course that didn't last long as she pushed me back in to the flat and slammed the door shut. I could literally feel the walls around me starting to crack as her hands found my hair and she pressed herself closer to me. I gave up on rational thinking as I'd pretty much always done when I was around her and I kissed her back fiercely with my hands on each side of her face. She sighed deeply and I thought it sounded like a mixture of relief and pleasure.

Her hands didn't waste any time after that. She moved both of them down my face, down my neck, past my collarbone and settled on my breasts.

I moaned in pleasure from the familiar touch and I nearly lost all control as I backed her up against the front door. She pushed me back only enough so she could rip off her coat and immediately pulled me back to her in a kiss. Her hands were all over me like she needed constant reassuring I was still there, that my body felt the same as it did a year ago.

I pulled her shirt up from her skirt then and started unbuttoning it, but somehow I thought better of it, I got nervous I guess, and settled for pressing her harder up against the door and kissing her neck instead. She seemed to notice my hesitation however and started unbuttoning her shirt herself, but since I was pressing her against the door it was quite the challenge, so I got over my momentarily nervousness, finished unbuttoning the shirt and ripped it off of her.

From there it was like we couldn't possibly get close enough, or fast enough. Seeing her standing in front of me again, her chest rising and falling to her ragged and heavy breathing, her brown eyes turned dark with desire… She was so beautiful. Always had been. It almost killed me.

I lifted her up against the door then and she put her legs around me, pulling me closer as I kissed her mouth, her cheeks, her neck… everything I could.

"Bed." She managed to say through her heavy panting.

"Yes." I managed to answer and proceeded to carry her to my bed without breaking the kiss.

When I rolled off her for the last time and our breathing slowly calmed, reality seemed to hit.

"Fuck's sake, Naomi!" Emily yelled accusing as she started making her way out of bed hastily to look for her clothes.

"What the fuck did _I_ do?" I asked suddenly annoyed with her accusing tone as I sat up in the bed and looked at her.

"You know what you fucking did." She said annoyed, still looking for her clothes, "I can't believe this happened again. Twice. I've fucking cheated _twice_ with you."

This really pissed me off, like I could almost feel my blood starting to boil and every warm and fussy unwelcome feeling I'd had less than a minute ago quickly vanished in the wake of her actually blaming me for this. I didn't fucking rape her for fuck's sake.

"And that's _my_ fault?" I yelled as I looked for something to cover my naked body with.

"Of course it's your fault!" She yelled back, "It doesn't fucking happen with anyone else."

"And that doesn't tell you something?" I asked angrily as I found a shirt beneath my bed I'd missed during my earlier cleaning and put it on just as she'd put on her skirt and bra, "You fucking literally jumped me before I'd gotten a chance to open the bloody door!" I continued yelling at her in the middle of my room when she didn't answer me.

"Well, do you always open the fucking door half naked? Because then I reckon it's not the first time that's happened!" She retorted, but I couldn't quite figure out whether it was meant as an insult or as a compliment, "And it wasn't like you seemed to fucking mind anyways."

"What did you expect me to do, Emily?" I nearly screamed back at her, "It's not everyday my past decides to waltz up to my front door, sexy as ever, and freaking jump me. I'm sorry I'm apparently lacking the same fucking self-control as you do."

She didn't answer me, and I was pretty sure it was because she didn't know what to say, because she knew I was right, which I fucking was.

"What the hell are you doing here, anyways?" I asked as she looked around for her shirt, "You were supposed to meet Effy at the Café, not jump your ex-girlfriend in her own flat."

"I didn't bloody plan it, Naomi. She told me to meet her here for fuck's sake."

As if on cue we heard the door open in the living room.

"Don't mind me!" Effy yelled from the living room, "I forgot my USB with all my work on it."

We didn't say anything, we barely moved, as if she wouldn't know what we'd done. Like she hadn't fucking planned it all from the start.

_I'm going to kill her, _I thought, _I'm going to _fucking _kill her._

"Later!" She yelled once more just as we heard the door slam.

The realization that Effy had done all this on purpose to get us in the same room seemed to hit Emily as well and if looks could kill…

"Did the two of you fucking plan this?" She yelled at me furiously as she made her way out of the room and into the living room to look for her shirt.

"_What_?" I asked almost appalled as I followed her to the living room where she found her shirt and put it on, "Don't fucking flatter yourself Emily, I had no idea what she was up to. She's gotten it into her head that we're fucking meant to be or something, which clearly we ain't."

"_Clearly_." She agreed.

The agreement seemed to pinch my heart a bit, but I gladly ignored the pain and let my own anger overrule any pain or happiness I might've been feeling over everything that had happened the past hour.

"You know, you can blame me all you fucking want Emily, but I didn't force myself on you, obviously. You made your own bloody choice when you kissed me at the wedding and you made the same bloody one when you kissed me just now."

"Fine! Okay?" She started, her expression softening a bit in defeat. "I know I'm the one who keeps screwing up my relationship, but you… You're just _you_ and it's fucking torture when I'm near you, satisfied? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

I felt my anger evaporate from my body rather quickly when she said that, and I just as quickly felt a smirk making its way across my face.

"Well, you didn't seem to complain a minute ago." I said jokingly and felt the mood lighten between us.

"Naomi!" She said disapproving, but she couldn't seem to hide the smile on her face.

"Fine, sorry." I smiled back, "Just give me a heads up if you plan to jump me again in the near future, then I'll see if I can manage to push you off me."

"Really?" She smirked at me in the most adorable way, "Like you could resist."

"We'll see about that, Ems." I said smiling, but when I realized how quickly we'd gone from an awkward reunion, to amazing sex, to screaming our lungs out at each other and back to our familiar joking ways, I added in a more serious tone, "What happens now? I mean… The last time I saw you… you made it pretty clear you didn't want me to be a part of your life anymore, Ems."

The smile quickly disappeared from her face, as the memory seemed to hit her. She looked away from me for a moment and down on her feet like she always did when she was embarrassed or uncomfortable.

"I want you back in my life." She said suddenly and looked up at me again.

"Oh." I said genuinely surprised.

"But can you put some clothes on so we can maybe talk about it? It's sort of distracting…" She said as her cheeks turned red.

"This bothers you?" I teased as I looked down at the t-shirt that barely covered my bum.

"Naomi…" She warned softly with a quiet laugh.

"Fine, jeez, don't get your knickers in a twist." I said laughing as I turned back to my room with at stupid grin across my face.

When I came back I was wearing the same sweats as before and the t-shirt I'd found under my bed. There weren't really that many other alternatives seeing as they were in the washing machine.

"So…" I said as I came to sit on the opposite side of the couch of where she sat, trying to put some distance between us, because no matter how much I'd joked about her jumping me, I wasn't entirely immune to her present either, to say the least.

"I miss you." She blurted before I'd barely sat down, "I mean… I have a girlfriend, obviously, but I'd really like to have you back in my life… as friends…" She said nervously, and added quickly, "That's if you want to of course. I don't want to assume anything, not with… well… everything."

"Friends…" I said, tasting the word and the meaning behind it, and because I'm a champion at hiding my true feelings behind irony and sarcasm I quoted, "'_we say that, don't we?_"

She looked quite taken aback for a moment by either the fact that I'd mentioned it or by the memory itself, but it was just long enough for me to think of another answer or rather a question, "We were never really friends, were we?"

She thought about this for a moment before she answered, "I think we were a lot of things, Naoms, but never _just _friends."

"I can work with that." I said smiling, though my insides were telling me a very different thing, "Friends it is."

* * *

**A/N:**

_Naomily as _just _friends? Riiiiight. Well, tell me what you think, please, all feedback will be deeply appreciated as always! Next chapter will be up in a few days. _

_What to look forward to in next chapter: Naomi finally learns the name of the mysterious girlfriend who thinks she can come between Naomily, she'll also meet her for the very first time, which will be... eventful. Stay tuned xx_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**

_Hey guys. Another update for you! So, I know I told you last chapter that Naomi was going to meet Rosie this chapter, and I'm such a tease because I've decided to split the chapter into two, because it was getting way too long, so unfortunately you're going to have to wait a chapter for that little eventful thing. Sorry! Anyways, I hope you'll enjoy the chapter regardless. Please, do review if you feel like it, it's such a great motivation! ;) Enjoy, xxx. _

* * *

**Take Me or Leave Me**

**Chapter Five**

We were placed on the floor for hours after that in the lovely company of a bottle of red wine or two. It was nice just being with her again, talking and acting our familiar ways. Well, apart from the whole jumping each other's bones and snogging every chance we got, but still, it was nice.

We'd brushed over the whole girlfriend situation rather lightly (I found out her name was Rosie though) and I was grateful for that, the fact that she knew it might not be something I'd particularly like to talk about, friends or not.

We'd just finished a rather interesting conversation about one of her family dinners some time back when Katie had dragged home her boyfriend of that week who looked like he'd just gotten out of jail. Her dad had apparently looked like he wished that she'd turn gay like her sister the moment they'd walked through the door. Of course I was stupid enough to ask the next question, you'd think I liked torturing myself.

"So what about Rosie?" I asked quietly, "I'm sure your mother's more accepting of anyone who's not _me_, even though she's technically still the 'wrong' gender."

"Yes, you'd think that," she laughed, "But actually… I haven't seen my family since… well since I started seeing Rosie, actually. Apart from Katie, obviously."

This came as a surprise to me. Not only because I knew she must've been thrilled to actually be able to show a girlfriend of hers off to her family that hadn't fucked their daughter up several times, but also because I knew that no matter how bad things might've been between her and her parents she loved them. And as she said those words I could immediately tell she missed them horribly.

"What? Why not?" I asked surprised.

"Well, I sort of told Rosie about, you know, how my mum reacted to you and how horrible she was about my choice of lifestyle and such, so she… I mean _we_ decided it would be best to just not include them in our life. I mean it didn't exactly help our relationship back then…"

It was like, I could hear her saying all the words but I couldn't quite grasp the fact that they were leaving her mouth. She'd once told me how grateful she was to me for letting her family stay in our house even though she made a big fuss about it back then. She wanted her family to accept her and she wanted them to accept me in her life even if she had to force them. She loved them that much, and what she was saying didn't sound like it'd been her decision at all. Though I really wanted to tell her this, I knew I shouldn't. It wasn't my place anymore and thankfully before I said something I'd possibly regret, my phone rang.

"Ah, sorry Ems, I should really take this." I said when I saw _Nate _flash across the screen. I'd completely forgotten about him.

"Sure no problem. Take your time." She said as I pressed the 'accept' button.

"Fuck, Nate, I'm sorry I never called you back… Um… Something came up." I told him and for some reason shot Emily a nervous glance.

"_Never mind that babe, as long as you're alright?_" He asked and I wondered if Emily could hear him through the phone.

"Yeah, I'm… I'm perfectly fine actually." Another nervous glance, "I just got an unexpected… um… visitor. "

"_Really?" _He asked jokingly,_ "Who could possibly be important enough for you to forget about me –- wait, don't tell me it was _her. _The one we do not speak of._"

Now I was really concerned that Emily might be able to hear him through the phone. How stupid could I possibly be to take that stupid phone call anyways? I thought to myself as I shot Emily yet another nervous glance and stood up from the floor to go to the kitchen area instead. Emily just looked at me, curiously.

"Um… It might've been." I answered when I reached the kitchen. She would still be able to hear me, but I doubted she would be able to hear him.

"_Like… _her? _The legend that seemingly broke through your bitch walls, the one you fucked up, the love of your life and the one who broke your heart into millions of little pieces that we had to put back together with tons and tons of vodka? _That_ one_?"

"That's the one." I said without saying her name and looked over at Emily who was taking a big swig of her wine, "But listen Nate -"

"_Well fuck me!_" He nearly shouted through the phone, interrupting me, and made Emily turn her head to me. Okay, so she might've heard that. "_Well, you don't sound drunk and you're not crying. It doesn't sound like you're throwing things around and you're not biting my head off for bringing her up, so I take it went well?_" He added in a more normal tone of voice.

"Sort of, but can we talk later Nate? I'm kind of in the middle of something."

"_Oh. She's still there isn't she?_" He said excitedly, "_Let me say hi!_"

"What? No fucking way, Nate." I said, "I'm hanging up now."

"_Aw, come on. I want to speak to the mystery girl that captured my princess' heart. _"

"Yeah well, not gonna happen. I'll talk to you later, yeah?"

"_You're no fun, Naoms._" He said jokingly, "_Fine, I'll see you later. Say hi to -_"

I broke the connection before he got a chance to finish.

"Sorry about that." I said as I made my way to the floor again and sat beside her with my back against the couch. I wasn't oblivious to the fact that we were sat much closer than before, I could feel the magnetic pull getting stronger, the sparks flying, and I wondered if she felt it to.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine," she said and looked a bit awkward, "So is he… Is he like the one you're dating?"

I nearly spit out the wine I'd just drunk but choked on it instead in an attempt to keep it in my mouth.

"Pardon?" I asked coughing.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. Effy just mentioned that you were dating some bloke," she said almost apologetic.

"Oh, no. You're not." I said when I remembered Effy's little white lie, "Prying I mean. I just… I'm surprised she'd call it dating, is all." I added, thinking I might as well make Nate my non-existing mystery guy until I realized how it sounded and saw Emily's sceptical look, "I mean, Nate and I, we're not dating or anything like _that _really_._ We're just friends, though we did sleep together this one night when we were like insanely fucked -" I said and realized midsentence what I'd just shared. "But yeah, not dating… Doesn't really have the right tools, if you catch my drift." I winked.

She'd looked a bit uncomfortable when I'd mentioned that I'd slept with him, which really was a drunken mistake that never should've happened, but when I'd added the last part she seemed to relax again.

"Yeah, I do, obviously." She laughed, "So why did you do it, if you don't mind me asking?"

I thought about it for a second, and I didn't feel like telling her it happened because I'd been so fucked that night, because I missed her, because I was heartbroken and just… lonely. So instead, I quoted with a wink, "_I'm all about experiments, me._"

"Touché," she laughed.

The beautiful laughter was followed by a moment of silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. It was peaceful, until I went ahead and ruined it, of course.

"Do you miss them?" I asked quite suddenly, "Your parents, I mean."

"It's for the best, really," she answered, avoiding the question, "We're better off."

"That's not what I asked Ems," I said knowing I'd overstepped my boundaries, "I can tell that you do."

"How?" she asked defensive, but a bit shy as well like she'd been busted or something, "How can you tell?"

"Because I know you, Ems." I said with a small smile, turning my head to look her in the eyes, "I know you better than I know myself."

Our faces were closer than they should've been, closer than what was _just _friendly, but I couldn't move. She had that faraway look in her eyes for a moment, and she didn't move either. It was like it was only the two of us again, everything and everyone was nothing in that moment except us.

"Yeah, you do…" she breathed quietly and slowly leaned towards me.

I could just feel her warm breath on my lips when a ringtone that wasn't mine interrupted us again. _Damn bloody technology _I thought to myself at first, but then I quickly pushed the thought away and I felt relived. The kiss earlier at the front door had been rushed, it had been desire born from both surprise and a bitch slap from the past. The kiss that almost happened right then? That would've been something different entirely, and I couldn't let that happen, not again. I couldn't let _her_ do it again either. It wasn't fair and she deserved better, a lot better than me. I needed to rebuild my walls again with cement and add a defence system to make sure something like that never happened again, ever.

We broke away quickly from the sound of the phone, and cleared our throats at the exact same time. While she fished for her phone in her pocket, her cheeks turning red, I stood up awkwardly and tried to put some distance between us again. Giving my walls a chance to regroup before they were overpowered completely.

"Yeah?" Emily said flustered into the phone without looking at the caller ID, "Oh, hey babe."

She shot me a nervous glance, but quickly looked away again. I figured it was Rosie calling and couldn't help but think the universe was trying to tell me something.

"No, no, of course not. I'm … um… on my way back as we speak." She lied and looked anywhere but me, "Yeah, sure. I can pick it up on my way home…" she continued, "I'll make sure to let them know… Yeah, okay… Love you too, bye."

She looked up at me apologetic then and slightly embarrassed. I just stood where I was, not sure what to do with myself but I'm pretty sure I had a puzzled expression on my face.

"Sorry," she said as she stood up, "Um, I didn't want to… you know… I mean, she can be quite jealous and I just…."

"No need to explain, Ems, I get it," I said when I found my voice, "I mean, after the wedding I'm sure I'm the last person she wants you to hang out with." I added apologetic.

"Well…" She said after a moment of silence, looking embarrassed "I didn't exactly… you know… tell her."

"_Pardon?_" I asked surprised and a bit harsher than I had probably any right to. I'd just assumed that she told Rosie about what happened at the wedding, because well, she knew how much it hurt when I cheated and lied about it over and over again.

"I mean, I told her about the cheating and all… I just… I sort of left out that it was with you and told her it happened with some random girl." She explained, looking down on her feet uncomfortably and biting her lip guiltily.

If I hadn't been so caught up in what she was telling me I might've been distracted by her lips, but I wasn't. All I could think about was why she'd lie about that if she told Rosie she'd cheated anyways. I lied about Sophia because she was a random shag that didn't mean a thing, it was a feeble attempt at escaping something I never knew I craved so much, it was a mistake, and so I tried every possible way to keep it from Emily, to keep her from getting hurt, to keep me from losing her because of a moment of complete and utter stupidity and cowardice. So why did she lie about whom she cheated with? Did it matter in the end? Did she lie because somewhere she knew it meant something with me, and wasn't just meaningless sex as she'd said?

_Stop fucking caring, Campbell_, I thought to myself, _rebuild walls, rebuild walls, rebuild walls…_

"She knows about you, about us and our history. I didn't want to make her more jealous or thinking we weren't over." She said as if reading my mind, "You're kind of a sore spot for her, to say the least."

A tiny voice in the back at my head contemplated screaming at her that of course we weren't over, we never would be, but I crushed it with my growing cement walls and the defence system that was slowly coming along.

"Right… Okay," I said instead, "So are you planning on telling her about this then? About what happened earlier, about us giving it a shot as friends?"

"No. I mean yes..." She said confusing, "I mean I was kind of hoping we could pretend what happened earlier happened as part of the past, you know? Pretend it was part of that part of our lives and move on, as friends. I'd really like for you to meet her, Naoms. I think you'd like her."

I stood there for a while without answering. Probably a bit too long, but I was trying to understand what she was asking of me. She wanted me to pretend what happened earlier hadn't happened, at least not in this lifetime, and she wanted me to pretend what happened at the wedding hadn't happened either, at least not with me, all the while meeting her current slut of a girlfriend who apparently already had it out for me without knowing her girlfriend had cheated twice on her… with me. Great. Just fucking great.

"Sure, if that's what you want. Doesn't really matter to me." I heard myself say, "But are you sure us being friends is a good idea then, if she's so insecure about me?"

"She'll just have to deal. I want you in my life and she's just going to have to trust me." She said, but seemed to realize that there was a reason Rosie shouldn't trust her around me, "I mean, I know I haven't exactly shown her that she can trust me, even though she doesn't know, but that's all in the past. We're just friends now, right?"

Could I ever actually be _just_ friends with Emily Fitch? Would I rather have her in my life as a friend than not having her in my life at all? Wouldn't it be easier if I just cut her out completely, you know, out of sight out of mind? All these questions seemed to swirl around in my head, but all the while the walls kept growing, kept rebuilding themselves into something stronger as Emily seemed to try and tear through them again. I started reminding myself that I didn't care about her like that anymore and that I didn't have feelings for her beyond the platonic kind. I reminded myself that I didn't love her anymore.

"Yes, just friends," I answered, but just as I said the words the image of our almost kiss flashed before my eyes, the way her eyes looked, her warm breath on my lips. I could feel it all again and it didn't feel friendly at all, "Maybe you should go, though. You shouldn't keep her waiting." I added, seriously needing some space for the walls to get high and strong enough to keep those thoughts and images out of my head.

"Who?" she said as she stared at me, seeming lost in thought.

"Rosie…" I said slowly, and added, "You know, your _girlfriend_."

"Of course. Yes, I better get going." She said as she snapped out of whatever she had been thinking of and made her way hastily to the door.

It was sort of an awkward parting. None of us knew what to do. Did we hug? Shake hands? I mean, we'd gone down on each other among other things just a few hours earlier, so it felt kind of weird not knowing how to say goodbye, but then she'd said she wanted to pretend it hadn't happened, which didn't bother me at all of course, but this new friendship thing was something to get used to.

"So, um…" I started awkwardly when we were standing in the doorway at the front door.

"Can I call you?" She asked suddenly, interrupting me, "Or maybe you could text me if you wanted to meet up or something? That is if you still have my number, of course." She added a bit more awkwardly.

"Um, actually I do." I said slightly embarrassed as I bit my lower lip. Her eyes seemed locked on it. "I didn't feel the need to delete it. Though to be honest Effy did delete it at one point to prevent me from drunk dialling you but she put it back when… um" I added, not knowing how to finish the sentence, but thought I'd say what I thought she needed to her, what I needed desperately to believe myself, "When I got over you." I finished.

She smiled a bit, but I could somehow tell it wasn't exactly genuine. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me, I'd wanted her to know I'd done what she'd asked of me. I'd moved on.

"Neither did I," She finally said, "Feel the need to delete your number I mean."

"Cool." I said, feeling slightly stupid for not coming up with a better response.

"So, you'll call me? Or text me, yeah?" She said hopefully.

"Of course," I answered, and without thinking added, "I've missed you, Ems."

She seemed surprised at first to hear that. Hell, I was surprised I'd said it. It was such a stupid slip up I had no idea where came from, but she just smiled an actual genuine smile and surprised me even more by closing the gap between us and pulling me into an embrace.

We stood like that a few seconds and it was hard not to notice the sparks flying around even harder to ignore it and harder yet to convince myself it didn't mean anything.

She broke the embrace like she'd suddenly realized what she was doing. She stood back a bit awkward, looked at me one last time and made her way down the hall, but just before I turned around and went back in to the flat I heard her call after me.

"Naoms?" She called.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I missed you too." She said before turning around and leaving the building.

* * *

When I finally dragged my arse to work that evening I was an emotional mess, to say the least. I'd convinced myself it was just caused by seeing her again, nothing more. It was simply a surprise seeing her again and I hadn't yet figured out whether it was a good or a bad one.

I hadn't seen Effy all day either, which was probably a good thing too. Even though everything seemed to have turned out just fine, I still hadn't forgiven her. What she had done was overstepping her boundaries more than just perving on me when I'm sleeping and she needed to know that. Just because she was Effy 'all-seeing' Stonem it didn't give her the right to play with people like that, as if they were pieces in a fucking game. I'd make sure she knew it too.

"Come on, babe! You gotta give me something here. I want the juicy details, you know, so I can get the right visual for later." Nate said with a wink behind the bar.

I was helping him out behind the bar tonight, because Saturdays and Fridays were always the busiest and the manager of the place usually just sat around in the corner drinking with his mates not managing shite.

"Ew, fuck off, yeah?" I said and pushed him playfully, "Besides, I told you, nothing happened. We just decided to try this whole… friendship thing."

"Right. Because Naomi Campbell does friendship so well." He retorted sarcastically.

"_Hey_!" I exclaimed, "I do friendship just fine. You and I are friends, yeah? And I have Effy, Alex and Cook. Maybe even Katie… more or less."

I guess you could say Nate was the closest male friend I had, well apart from Cook of course, but I hadn't seen Cook for such a long time. I knew he was messed up with some bad shit somewhere in Manchester and that he was pretty fucked up himself, more than usual. Had been ever since Freddie's death, he never got over it. Alex was one of the other waitresses/bartenders at this dump. She was sweet and kind of innocent in her own way despite how much she fucked up her body. I felt kind of protective of her, really.

"Yeah we are, but not before you slept with me. Same with Alex... Threesome, remember?" He laughed at the memory I'd rather forget.

Nate was a really good looking guy and all. He was real fit, but not too much. He had beautiful dark brown hair that always managed to look cute even though it looked like he'd just got out of bed and his eyes were some color between green and blue depending on the light. As I said, nice to look at and though I could without a doubt understand why girls were always falling over themselves to get his attention, he just didn't do it for me. That said more about me than it did about him though. He was a really good catch. Apart from the good looks he was a genuine nice guy, most of the time anyways, and that was surprisingly hard to find. Or so I've heard.

"Besides," He continued, "Alex's become more like your little sister than anything else, one you look out for. Cook is a drug dealer in Manchester whom you've barely seen since he got out of jail and Katie? Well I have yet to figure out the dynamic of that friendship. You do nothing but insult each other most of the time. So that leaves Effy… A match made in heaven. One more fucked up than the other, really. Not that I wouldn't shag her if I got the chance, of course."

"Are you gonna give me some fucked up hint as to what the bloody point is?" I asked ignoring his indication that I apparently couldn't have friends I hadn't either slept with, was insulting most of the time or was as fucked up as me, if not more.

"The point _is_, love, with that in mind, you thinking you'll be able to be _just_ friends with Emily Fitch, the only girl you've ever loved, is downright bollocks that. From what you've told me, from how heartbroken you've been over that girl and for the simple fact that she was able to get beyond those giant walls of yours tells me that the girl must be pretty damn special. " Nate said and stupidly added, "Not to mention the fact that you've shown me her picture. She's bloody fine, Campbell. A real shame she's playing for the wrong team. You think she might be as experimenting as you?" He added with a wink.

"What the actual fuck, Nate. I swear to God if you ever put that image in my head again or so much as think about hitting on her I will fuck you up, yeah?"

I hadn't even realized how much of a jealous girlfriend I sounded like until I noticed his smug grin and he said, "Yeah, you're gonna be just fine being _just _friends, babe."

"I am, okay? Why doesn't anyone believe I'm over her? Fuck's sake, it's been a year. Can we just drop it, yeah?" I said annoyed. He was starting to get on my nerves. My life didn't revolve around her. I was fine without her, well more or less, and I was going to be fine just being her friend.

"Whatever you say, princess, but you've gotta let me meet her though. When are you seeing her again?" Nate said excitedly. He was almost more excited about having her back in my life than I was. Almost.

"Dunno. She said to text her." I answered as I continued cleaning off the glasses I'd been working on during our conversation.

"So?" He said when I didn't say anything else, "What are you waiting for then?"

"You want me to text her _now_? I just saw her a few hours ago. Won't that seem kind of desperate?" I asked puzzled.

"Well, yeah, if you're trying to win her back…"

"I'm not. I told you, just fucking friends."

"Then there's no reason why you can't text her now is there then?"

"_Fine._" I said and pulled out my phone.

What was I going to say though? _Had a nice time earlier?_ That would probably seem a bit wrong seeing as we did fuck whether or not she wanted to pretend it didn't happen. _Fuck it _I thought, it was Nate's idea so I ended up texting;

**_* W Nate at the pub. apprntly yr reputation precedes u. might've said a thing or 2 bout u, he's dyin 2 meet u. – N *_**

I'd expected to wait for a while before getting an answer. Especially because she'd probably be with Rosie right then, but her answer came only a minute or two after I'd send it.

**_* Really? I'd luv 2 meet him. How bout me, Rosie, Katie n Effy swing by the pub l8r, yeah? Goin out anyways - E*_**

Okay, so not exactly what I'd planned. I'd actually planned it all out in my head and quite differently. I would come up with different excuses as to why I couldn't make the time to meet Rosie until I'd had enough amount of time to prepare myself mentally. I'd planned that I wouldn't have to meet her at least for a month… or best case scenario a year, but what was I going to say? What kind of excuse could I possibly come up with that didn't sound like I wasn't cool with being friends and that the actual thought of seeing them together made me want to throw up as much as I tried to deny it? I couldn't.

***_Sounds brill. Cya l8r then. - N_***

Apparently I was going to meet the girlfriend of the girl I'd thought I was going to spend the rest of my life making happy… tonight. Brilliant.

* * *

**A/N:**

_So yeah, she didn't meet Rosie yet. I promise she'll meet her next chapter though, so stay tuned guys and please let me know what you think. Until next time babes! xx._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **

_Yeah, so don't get used to these quick updates guys. You might not think so, but I do have a life other than writing Naomily fanfiction, haha. I just have so much fun writing this right now and unfortunately I'm having trouble sleeping lately which sucks for me but is great for you since it means quicker updates. I got so much wonderful feedback for chapter five and I love each and every one of you for it, even if you didn't review but only read. That's all you can really ask for. _

_So, as I promised Naomi finally meets Rosie in this chapter. She might come off as a bit... well.. you know it when you've read it. ^^ FYI. The company 'Clarke Designs' are purely fictional and HarperCollins Publishers is obviously a real company but I don't own anything or have any association with the company in any way other than loving their books! I hope you enjoy, xx _

* * *

**Take Me or Leave Me**

**Chapter Six**

One of the things I've always admired about Effy is the way she reacts to the way her presence always seems to effect people around her. I'm not jealous of the fact that when she walks into a room, just like she's doing in the pub right now, every single eye is on her. It doesn't matter whether it's a guy or a girl; everyone's always looking at her. No, scratch that, everyone's _staring_ at her. Some are drooling as well.

The boys wants to shag her, obviously, and the girls can't figure out whether they want to be her or be on top of her, maybe even both. It's hilarious to watch, really, but it's her reaction to the effect she has on people that is worth admiring. She doesn't even seem to notice, doesn't let it get to her head, as most people would. She just strolled right past them, head held high and proud and made her way directly towards me.

_She really is captivating, my best friend, _I thought to myself, as she got closer. She was wearing a black 'dress' I'm sure most people would identify as a top that fit her all the right places and was complemented by long, big necklaces around her neck that matched her many bracelets. She was also wearing stockings and her black boots, of course. She looked really good tonight, and I wasn't the only one who seemed to think so.

_Right, you're fucking mad at her_ I told myself firmly before I got lost in her presence as the other wankers in this joint. As opposed to them however, I wasn't thinking about shagging her. It wasn't like the thought hadn't crossed my mind now and then though, I mean, you know how she looks like and we're living together, what would you expect? But I'd never been one of those drooling chumps that were literally undressing her with their eyes or falling over themselves to get in her good graces. I suspect it has something to do with the fact that when I met her back in college I was already a drooling chump that were undressing someone else with my eyes every single time I saw her, it just wasn't Effy.

"Never gonna fucking happen, wanker." I said to Nate as I tipped his chin up to close his mouth that was practically lying on the bar.

"Why not?" He asked desperately without taking his eyes off her.

"She's so out of your league mate." I joked just before she came to stand in front of me on the opposite side of the bar. I composed myself quickly and scowled at her.

"You should be thanking me, not scowling at me." She said as she sat down on a barstool.

"Really? And why the fuck is that exactly?" I asked sternly, "You fucking set us up."

"Well, obviously Naoms. Doesn't really take a fucking genius to figure that one out. So you had a little harmless fun, it seemed to work out in the end, yeah?" She said calmly, "Are you gonna serve me a drink or not?"

I just stared at her. I couldn't think of anything else to do. I didn't want to make a scene in front of everyone, but I didn't want to let it go either. She'd crossed the line.

"I take it _not _then," she continued when I didn't make a move.

"I will get you one, love." I heard Nate say beside me and I rolled my eyes, "Don't mind Naoms. She's a bit of a mess today."

"Oh really, how come?" Effy asked innocently.

"Stay the fuck out of this, Nate." I spat at him and gestured to some waiting customers, "Go make yourself useful, yeah?"

"Whatever you say princess." He said and went to take some orders, but not before he got Effy her drink and winked at her flirtingly. She just grinned at him.

"So," she said when I didn't say anything for a while and frankly avoided her stare as I made a few drinks for Alex to serve around, "Heard Rosie's gonna be here tonight."

"Yeah, so?" I asked annoyed.

"Nothing. It's just interesting, is all." She said mysteriously and I couldn't help but bite. She just had that effect on people.

"How so?" I sighed and gave her an annoyed and indifferent look.

"That you'd put yourself through that." She simply stated, "But fear not, love, I've got your back."

"Now that's reassuring." I said sarcastically, "Besides, I don't need your bloody help. So what if I'm meeting Ems' new girlfriend tonight. Read my fucking lips, Effy." I said and pointed to my lips as I pronounced each word carefully, "I. Don't. Fucking. Care."

"Yeah, until you meet her I'm sure," She said unaffected by my bitchiness and was distracted by her phone buzzing, "Which will be in just about 10 minutes that." She added when she'd read what I'm sure was a text from Emily or Katie.

I slowly felt my still growing cement walls and defence system starting to shake. That wasn't right. Cement didn't bend or shake or nothing, it was strong, untouchable.

"I can barely wait," I said, trying to sound indifferent but it came out sarcastic and slightly nervous. Fucking hell.

"Neither can I." Effy said grinning with a knowing look on her face, as she made her way to a table just a few feet away from the bar to wait for the others. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to punch _her_ or kick _myself_.

* * *

The ten minutes went by way too fucking fast and when I looked at the watch behind the bar for what felt like the hundredth time and I saw the minute hand reach the bar of the tenth minute, I thought my heart might jump right out of my chest.

Seriously, I was almost surprised that people couldn't hear how fast my heart was beating even over the music. It was ridiculous.

"You should really breathe, you know." Nate said amused then, "Can't have you fainting in here. It's bad for business."

I hadn't realized I'd held my breath as I literally stared the door down. I exhaled then and couldn't help but look at Nate and grin at him.

"Oh piss off," I said playfully, "Like you really care about this dump anyway. In fact, I think you'd be quite thankful if I fainted, got you out of work, gave you an excuse to do mouth to mouth…"

"Feel free to faint any time now." He said then and looked down at me expectantly with an adorable little smile. I couldn't help but smile at him and for about 10 seconds I forgot the minute hand were slowly reaching the next bar. That was until the door opened and I couldn't mistake Katie's unmistakeable tone of voice as she complained about having to walk here in her heels.

"I don't know how many fucking times I've tried telling Ems that I wear at least seven inches or I wear fucking nothing. As simple as that." I heard her say to a laughing Rosie.

What caught my eye at first was the gorgeous brunette the laughter belonged to walking in beside Katie. She was annoyingly more stunning than I remember from what I saw at the wedding. To be fair though, I was pretty pissed then, but even then I thought I didn't compare to her in any single way and I sure as hell didn't now.

Her long curly brown hair, that I could tell wasn't natural by the way, hung beautifully over her shoulders. Her body was the same as a model's and she was pretty much dressed as one too. Though she was indeed very gorgeous I sensed that her presence didn't have the same effect on people as Effy's had and behind the cement walls I was secretly smug about this fact. She turned a couple of heads around the room of course, but nothing more. Something about her reminded me of something though, but I couldn't put my finger on it and I was starting to feel like Effy for staring so much.

After inspecting her for a moment or two, what I noticed then or rather didn't notice was quite shocking to me. For such a long time now I'd always noticed Emily first, no matter where we were, who we were with, even if she was trailing behind Katie. This time however, she hadn't been the first thing I'd noticed and not because she wasn't the most captivating, most stunning and breath-taking thing in there. Seriously, friends or not, Rosie, Katie and Effy will never have anything on Emily, not even close. Friends could say that about friends, couldn't they? Anyways, I didn't notice her at first because she was trailing in behind them almost sheepishly with her head turned down as she looked on her feet. I was hit with a wave of flashbacks of that first year of college before the Love Ball when she was the invisible twin of Katie, well to everyone else but me at least.

This however, felt worse somehow. Back then I'd still noticed her first thing and I hadn't when they walked in to the pub. Something wasn't right; I hadn't seen this side of Emily since before the Love Ball.

I couldn't help the frown I was wearing on my face and without thinking about it I turned my gaze to Effy. She was watching me intently of course and when we locked eyes we seemed to have an entire conversation. Her saying, '_what did I say, Campbell? Caring yet?'_ and me saying, '_I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Stonem'_.

I turned my gaze back to Emily then as they made their way over to Effy. She seemed to be searching the room for a second before her eyes locked on mine, as I knew they would. I couldn't help but notice how she suddenly straightened up, her face lighting up a bit and eyes sparkling. If I hadn't put my inner construction workers on overtime this evening I might've read more into that sight, but I tried desperately not to.

Rosie seemed to notice Emily's shift in behaviour and looked at her with a slight frown. Emily didn't seem to notice, never took her eyes off me to be honest. I noticed though and I don't know why but that girlfriend of hers already annoyed the shit out of me.

_Keep it cool, Campbell, _I thought, _you're not supposed to care and it's not your place anymore._

I also silently cursed Effy for making me be this extraordinary observant tonight and made a mental note to slap her silly later.

It seemed like Rosie was about to say something to Ems, but before she could she'd already started making her way towards me, never breaking eye contact. Out of the corner of my eye however, I could make out Rosie searching the direction she was headed to see what had caught her girlfriend's attention. When she saw me standing behind the bar something flashed across her face momentarily, but it was gone before I got a chance to figure out what it was. Maybe I should take some lessons in reading and observing people with Effy after all, could come in handy now and then.

"Hey you," Emily said smiling as she reached the bar, "Long time, no see."

"Yeah, been ages haven't it?" I laughed, completely forgetting about Rosie for a second.

"Um…" Emily said sheepishly as she turned around quickly to gaze at her girlfriend, "Rosie thinks I met you at lunch today with Effy. She doesn't know I came to your place."

_Jeez, _I thought, _any more lies I should know about in case she decides to fucking interrogate me?_

"Then I guess that's what happened," I answered as indifferently as I could with half a smile. I think it might've sounded a bit snappy, but I didn't have a chance to think about it before Rosie came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her.

I couldn't help but clench my jaw a bit at the sight of their skin touching. I don't know why I did it. I guess it was another instinct. Old habits die hard? I'd always been quite jealous and after the way she punished me in those horrible months after she found out about Sophia it had become harder for me to hide it.

"I take it this must be the famous Naomi Campbell then," she smiled as we locked eyes.

"In the flesh," I replied as I took her outstretched hand and smiled back the best I could.

"Rosie Clarke," she introduced herself, "Emily's girlfriend. Pleasure to finally meet you."

I didn't know whether my mind was playing tricks on me or not, but I thought she emphasized the word 'girlfriend' a bit when she said it. Pissing her territory off, I guessed. I would've probably done the same.

"Likewise," I said, not really feeling it.

I had never been one of many words. Especially not with people I didn't know and even less with people I wasn't sure I liked one bit. My mum always told me that I saw the world in black and white. There was really nothing in-between with me, no grey colours. Either I liked you or I didn't, simple as that.

Emily hadn't said anything during our little introduction and frankly, to me, it looked like she'd crawled back in to the hole she'd been in when she entered the pub a few minutes ago. I tried to catch her eye, tried to read her mind, but suddenly she wouldn't even look at me. My heart fell a little at that.

_What the fuck am I paying you for,_ I screamed inwardly at my inner construction workers. Then I made a mental note to stop thinking I had tiny construction workers inside of me building a fortress to protect my heart and cursed myself for sounding like Effy. Don't tell her I said that.

"Emily, _love_," Rosie said then and kissed the side of her head affectionately, "Why don't you buy us a round of drinks and come join us at the table, yeah?"

_Fuck me_, I thought irrationally, _it's the 21__st__ fucking century. Buy your own fucking drink._

"Of course, babe, I'll be right down." Emily answered softly and was rewarded with a full on passionate kiss from her girlfriend.

The people who hadn't turned their head to Rosie when she'd walked in earlier sure turned their head now. Personally, I thought it had more to do with Emily than her, but I didn't really think of anything else than to look away.

I mean, it wasn't that I was jealous or anything, but it was not polite to stare, though they were definitely in the wrong here. Who snogged their girlfriend like this in front of everyone and pretty much in the middle of a conversation with a third party who happened to be the one being snogged's ex-girlfriend? Right. I'd probably done the same. Couldn't really blame her, who wouldn't do it if they had Emily as their girlfriend? Didn't mean I had to watch.

I'd glanced up for less than a second though in the very awkward situation and I could have sworn I saw Rosie watching me with one eye open during the kiss. I frowned and quickly looked up again but by then… nothing. I must've imagined it. Because as I remember Emily's kisses, and I remember them quite vividly thank you, you wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else than her lips on yours, the way they moved together, the passion, the desire and...Well, the love. _Nothing,_ but this. It was like heaven, really, or what I think I would like heaven to be like.

_What the hell am I thinking? Bloody hell! You're all fucking fired… _ I thought to the non-existing workers. Maybe I should get the number of Effy's psych – and no not the psycho that killed Freddie. Thankfully he was still long gone in the coma that Cook had put him in.

After what seemed like forever but was really no more than half minute they finally broke apart. Emily seemed quite taken aback to be honest, and a bit confused as well. She glanced embarrassed at me for about a millisecond and looked away again.

"Get those drinks, hun, and meet us back at the table, yeah?" Rosie said then, not seeming as affected as I probably would've been had I kissed Emily like that.

"Ems," I said then and smiled at her, deliberately only addressing her with her nickname for some reason, "Let me take care of the drinks and I'll bring them to you in a bit, yeah? My treat."

I'd planned to say it before when Rosie had first mentioned the drinks, but I didn't get to say anything before she had her tongue down Emily's fucking throat.

"Oh no -" she started before I cut her off.

"Still a vodka tonic, I presume?" I asked her. She nodded slightly and glanced quickly at Rosie, "I got Effy and the twin bitch covered, so how about you Rosie, what can I get you?" I asked only looking at her now. Something flashed across her face again but again I didn't catch it before it was gone.

"Vodka tonic as well, please." She answered kindly and smiled, "It's really nice of you, Naomi, really."

"No problem at all," I assured her, not breaking eye contact, "I'll be right down with them."

She turned around to make her way to the table, hands entwined with Emily's. Before she dragged her along however, Emily gave me a small smile.

It didn't suit her. Don't get me wrong. I've always loved Emily's smile, more than anything in fact. Some of my happiest moments were always when I put them there, but those smiles seemed like they were straining to reach her eyes and her eyes seemed to be sparkling in this unbelievable cute and sexy way at the same time. The smile she just gave me? Nothing like what I just described.

As I made the drinks Nate found his way to me. He'd been busy during our little interaction and seemed bummed he'd missed Emily.

"Bollocks, I didn't get to say hi..." He said kind of pathetically.

"I promise I'll introduce you later, yeah?" I told him and looked over at the table.

Katie and Rosie seemed to be having a very animated conversation going on and trying to include Effy as well. I could tell that she wasn't the least bit interested in what they said though. She was staring straight at Emily who was sat in Rosie's lab looking down at the table where her fingers seemed to be tracing something. When Rosie finally seemed to direct her attention to Emily and said something I couldn't hear, Effy frowned at them as if she didn't like what she observed.

"Hellooo…. Any one home?" Nate said and interrupted my own observation by waving a hand in front of my face. Is there anything more fucking annoying than that?

"What?" I asked slightly annoyed without looking away from the table.

"I said that her girlfriend is _hot _though. Kind of looks like a model."

"She sure does." I replied dryly.

"Got nothing on you though, babe. There's nothing special about her looks even though she's hot." I laughed at this, it wasn't true of course, but it was nice of him to say, "Why don't you make yourself a drink as well and go over there and join the party, yeah? I'll cover for you." He added.

"That's not necessary Nate," I started but to be honest I really wanted to get closer so I could hear what they were saying. I wanted to figure out who this Rosie was.

"Sure it is," he interrupted, "I'll find Alex and get her to help out with the bar, you go on then."

I smiled at him, made myself a drink, put them all on a tray and made my way to the table. As I got closer Emily turned her head in my direction and her eyes lit up the slightest. I guessed the conversation must've been a dull one and she seriously needed a drink.

"The drinks has arrived," I said as I served the drinks around, "And it's on the house."

"Thank you, Naomi, it's too much. You really shouldn't have." Rosie said kindly as she smiled and wrapped her arms tighter around Emily.

"But I wanted to," I replied and smiled back as I sat down at the table.

Rosie smiled at me kindly and started kissing Emily's neck with soft kisses. I looked anywhere else and took a big sip of my drink. It didn't go unnoticed by Effy whose eyes I could feel on me.

"So," I finally said thinking it was time I made an effort and stopped being so overly suspicious of everything, "Tell me about yourself Rosie, what do you do?"

"I work at my father's company, Clarke Designs. Maybe you've heard of it?" She asked without really asking.

Jesus, were there anyone around here that hadn't bloody heard of it at this point? It was a tiny company some years back that sold unique handmade furniture until it completely escalated about two years ago and became this huge company that now sells everything from furniture to clothes and jewelry – and the furniture is definitely neither handmade nor unique anymore. Fucking mainstream it had become, but nevertheless it was successful as hell. The girl had money, that's for fucking sure.

"I've been working at the division in Bristol up until now, but I'm planning on moving to the division here in London so I can work closer with my father." She continued not bothering to wait for an answer to her earlier question, "He wants me to have more responsibility within the company you see and I'll only be able to do that from here."

I found myself thinking that Emily's job interview, which I by the way found out was more of an internship at HarperCollins Publishers, wasn't a complete coincidence, but quickly dismissed the thought. Emily wouldn't move her entire life for something she didn't want or for someone else. She was her own person now and a big girl. No one made decisions about her life except for her.

"Sounds interesting," I answered, but was really more interested in the way Emily's finger traced the shape of a heart that had been carved into the wooden table and I found myself adding, "Quite convenient that Ems got offered that interview for the internship at HarperCollins then."

There must've been the slightest hint of sarcasm or something in my voice, because I felt Effy kick me under the table. Luckily she seemed to be the only one detecting it or at least the only one who showed she'd noticed. I shot her a quick glare and was returned with a look that could only be described as '_behave yourself, Campbell'. _

"Indeed it is," Rosie answered softly and kissed Emily's neck, "I truly hope she gets it."

"I have no doubt about it." I answered immediately.

At this Emily finally seemed to look up and look at _me_ no less. She had been avoiding my eyes since I sat down at the table.

"Really?" She asked me surprised, looking at me with wonder.

I couldn't help but notice how Rosie's arms seemed to tighten more around Emily when she addressed me and even more yet when I answered, "_I think you can do anything._"

I knew it was only the two of us who got real meaning and memory behind it. I knew I was way out of line to say it, especially with the kind of intense look that followed. I knew it wasn't fair to her, to Rosie or even to myself really, yet I couldn't help myself. I wanted her to know, I wanted to reassure her. I wasn't letting my walls down in any way per se; I was only sending a message. That's what I told myself at least.

Emily looked shocked to say the least that I'd said that. She frowned at me at first, but she couldn't seem to hide either the blush or a tiny smile. Rosie only smiled a kind of wary smile at me while holding on to Emily like she was either trying to squeeze the life out of her or was never letting her go. Neither option appealed to me.

Katie simply gave me her best glare. I guess she knew there was more to it than just a few innocent words of encouragement. Effy was as observant as ever, clearly trying her best not to miss a single thing.

As the air had clearly tensed around us and the silence began to grow awkward and uncomfortable, my very own hero came to the rescue.

"Naoms, I'm sorry to disturb you, I really am, but I need your help," Nate said a lot less excited than he'd been before and not even begging me to introduce him, "It's Alex."

Of course I already knew what he meant by that without him having to elaborate and I felt slightly guilty for feeling relived that I had an excuse to escape the awkwardness around the table.

"Shite, not again," I said as I pinched the bridge of my nose. The girls around us looked confused if not a bit curious except Effy of course.

"She's asking for you," Nate said then clearly worried, "I can't leave the bar unattended and you're better with her than I am."

"Of course," I said and stood up from the chair to leave, "I'm really sorry girls, but you'll have to excuse me."

"Everything okay?" Emily asked worried, earning a squeeze from Rosie.

"Yeah, it will be. My friend just needs me right now. You're welcome to stay and have another round on the house otherwise it was a real pleasure to meet you Rosie…" I said and nodded in her direction before turning to Effy, "Eff, could you -"

"Right behind you," she interrupted.

I hadn't even noticed she'd started getting up from the table before I'd even asked her anything. Classic Effy.

Before I turned away however I had to say one last thing. Friends or not there was something I had to say, "You're an incredibly lucky girl, Rosie." I said as I gestured to Emily, "Don't ever forget it."

I'd said it to Rosie, obviously, but somehow my gaze had ended up locked with Emily's just before I turned away. There were so many emotions in those brown eyes that I couldn't make sense of them, but it didn't matter. The fortress inside me had let those words slip out and allowed one final longing glance before finally closing its giant gate shut.

* * *

**A/N:**

****_Soooo... what did you think? Tell me! I dare you. *Insert creepy, but kind of sexy, Effy voice*_

_Seems like Naomi is really determined to keep her heart locked away this time, doesn't it? Bet it's gonna take a lot to break through this time, but if anyone can do it i'm sure it'll be our very own red head. _

_In the next chapter you'll meet Alex. She's sort of an innocent girl that had a very traumatizing childhood. She's very vulnerable and tends to feel everything around her ten times stronger than everyone else, but she does have a stronger side to her, especially when it comes to the few people in her life she feels cares about her. To them she can be very protective, especially of Naomi whom she's very fond of. (Not in a Sophia kind of stalker way though). _

_I'm still working on the chapter, so I'm not going to promise whether it will be in chapter seven or eight, but Naomi will have a conversation with Katie in the near future that will have some consequences. They're twins, Naomi... What you say to Katie will obviously get back to Emily.. ;)_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:**

_Hey guys, thank you very much to all the new readers for reading and a special thanks to those of you who decided to leave a review it means a lot! Also, I want to give a special thanks to_ **_WhenAnxietyKicksIn_**_for discussion with me the story in depth and most of all giving me some great advice. Frankly I'm not satisfied with this chapter. I was kind of stuck in this 'friends-fight-lovers-fight-friends' kind of phase and couldn't seemed to get out of it. I guess I had a sort of writers block only going in circles. Anyways, I decided to speed things up a bit (even though they've been sort of rushed up until now) and I think the chapter feels like we're jumping from A to C and skipping B... does it make any sense? Anyways, thanks to the advice I got I'm taking a leap and posting anyways. I'm getting this story on the right course and pace from now on though, promise. _

_As always, please do review if you have the time. It just really makes my day, you know?_

_Enjoy, xx RS_

* * *

**Take Me or Leave Me**

**Chapter Seven**

"Alex, it's me." I said as I knocked on the door to the loo, "Open the door."

I could hear her crying on the other side of the door among other things but the door stayed shut. Effy and I exchanged a few glances, but she seemed a bit lost. I guess she only really knew how to handle _me_ when _I_ broke down; nevertheless I was glad she was there.

"What's going on?" I heard Emily say worried behind me, but I was too focused on getting through to Alex to answer or even wonder why she hadn't left yet.

"Nothing to worry about Ems, you guys can go on." Effy answered when I didn't say anything.

"Alex, just open the fucking door, yeah? We'll figure out whatever has happened and I'll fix it somehow, okay, but I can't help you unless you open the door babe."

After a few seconds I finally heard a tiny click and I knew she'd unlocked the door. Half a second later I could hear her throw up again as well.

"Fuck's sake," I said as I took in the scene in front of me when I opened the door.

Alex was literally lying with her head in the toilet, but she sure as hell hadn't been in that position the whole time based on the amount of vomit on the floor. The smell was as bad as it looked like, maybe even worse.

I tried desperately to ignore the smell and tried to avoid the vomit as I made my way next to her. I removed her long black hair from her face the best I could manage even though it probably wouldn't have made a difference at that point.

"It's okay… It's gonna be okay," I said soothingly while rubbing her back as she threw up again, "Eff, can you get me a glass of water and a wet towel, please?"

"She's already gone to get it," Emily answered, worry clearly tinting her voice. I'd never understood how she could care so much for people she didn't know. Her heart had always been so pure. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, I got it thanks," I simply said without taking my eyes off Alex.

Effy returned a few moments later with the water and the wet towel. When Alex seemed to take a break from vomiting, I gently made her sit against the wall.

"Here, drink this," I said and put the water to her mouth.

She was reluctant at first, but I finally seemed to make her drink it. When I was satisfied for a while with the amount she'd drunk I started wiping her face clean with the towel.

"You want to tell me what the fuck has happened?" I asked her as softly as I could manage, but frankly as much as I worried about her I was beginning to feel slightly annoyed that this happened as often as it did, which only made me feel guilty in the process. She shook her head in answer, "Then how am I supposed to fix it?"

"You can't." She murmured almost emotionless before leaning over the toilet and throwing up again. It surprised me she even had anything left to throw up at this point.

"Okay hun, we need to get you the hell out of here," I said as I held her hair away from her face again, "The smell in here is helping fuck right now."

When she was done vomiting again, I made her drink the last of the water and wiped her face clean once more and with Effy's help we managed to get her up from the puke infested floor and out of the loo. It was a bit of a challenge though.

"Do you want me to call you a cab or something?" Emily asked when we sat Alex down on a chair in the hallway to the loo with me as the only thing keeping her from falling over.

"Yeah, I think that would be best." I answered a bit surprised that she was still there, "Thanks."

She disappeared then to make the call and as she did I noticed Nate was standing in the hallway.

"Is she okay?" He asked worried as he came closer and took in the state of her.

"More or less," I answered, "I'm not sure what the fuck has happened this time, but I'm taking her home with me. She shouldn't be alone."

"Naoms, I love you for it and all but you know you'll both get sacked if you leave. It's a wonder Alex still has this job as it is, though I doubt she will after tonight " he said and he was right. Our boss might've been a lazy pig that couldn't be arsed to do his part but he was strict and he most likely wouldn't look past the fact that two of his employees left in the middle of a Saturday night rush. One of whom was completely fucked.

"I'll do it," Effy said then calmly.

"Do what?" I asked confused, "You're gonna take Alex home?"

"Fuck no. Sorry Naoms, dealing with you like that is one thing, but this is your problem and I doubt she'll let anyone take her anywhere but you." She answered, "I'll cover for you here. I obviously have some experience with alcohol and I'll work for free. Problem solved."

"Not quite though," Nate said before I had a chance to answer, "How are you going to get her from here to yours on your own? You barely managed to get her out of the loo and Effy helped then."

"I'll do it," Emily echoed Effy's earlier words behind us.

We all turned around to face her in the hallway, except Alex of course, who seemed to be completely gone at that point.

"What?" I asked confused.

"I'll help you get her home," She simply stated, "The cab will be here in a bit. Let me just text Rosie and Katie to tell them I won't meet up with them at the club and we can go."

I was happy to see she'd gotten some of her spark back, the one that simply told people how things were going to be without waiting for an answer or a reaction. It was just how it was going to be and there was no room for discussion. I'd always loved that side of her, that strong and confident side, but right now I wasn't so sure about it.

"Emily…" I started about to argue that she shouldn't do that, that it wasn't her problem and that she should just meet up with her girlfriend and her sister instead. Also, I didn't think Rosie would be all that thrilled that Emily was going home with me no matter the situation, but I didn't get to continue before she cut me off with a single look that said _'don't fucking start with me, Campbell'_. I wondered in that moment if she was pissed off at me for some of the less appropriate things I'd said tonight, but decided I didn't care if she was.

"Fine," I finally said, "Lets get the fuck moving then…"

"Good," Emily simply said as she finished her text and came to help with Alex.

We made our way down the hallway then and through the hallway, one on each side of Alex. As we got outside the cab was thankfully already there and after some convincing to let Alex ride in the cab in the state she was in and a promise that if she was going to throw up it would be in a bag and that if she didn't we would pay for the cleaning, we finally managed to get her in the cab behind Emily so she would be placed between us.

"Thank you for doing this Eff," I said before I got in the cab, "I know it's probably not what you had planned for tonight."

She took me by surprise again with her affectionate gestures when she took my hand in hers and leaned up to kiss my cheek.

"Anything for you, babe" she said as she winked and looked behind me into the cab with a knowing look. I was about to turn around to look at what had caught her attention but then she leaned closer and whispered, "I'm sure it's not what Emily had planned either, yet here she is."

And with that and a smirk she turned around and made her way back to the pub. I stood there for a moment or two before getting in the cab and pondered about what she'd meant. I decided not to think about it any further as the answer wouldn't matter to me anymore. The gates were shut.

"Where to?" The cab driver asked when I closed the door behind me.

I told him the address that wasn't really that far away and put my arm around Alex as she'd leaned her head on my shoulder. I started stroking her hair absentmindedly as I thought about what might've happened to her that evening to make her break down like that again.

She'd had a lot of these kinds of breakdowns since I'd met her and probably a lot more before that. She'd had a very traumatizing childhood that had something to do with her dad. She'd never elaborated on it, but it was clear it had left her with some intimacy and commitment issues that resulted in her very bad choice in men and lifestyle that consisted of lots of booze, drugs and guys that only used her for her body. I could only imagine what had happened when she was a child and that was bad enough, but she'd refused to talk about it any further when she gave away that one information about her dad. I'd felt guilty for months for sleeping with her that one time with Nate because she was so fragile and vulnerable, but she'd insisted that she'd wanted to do it and that I had nothing to feel guilty about. Of course I hadn't touched her like that ever since nor did I want to, I just didn't see her that way anymore. Besides, she's not exactly gay. To be honest though I'm not sure what she is. Her sexuality is more confusing than mine has ever been if you ask me, but I guess she's just looking for someone to love her right, to love her unconditionally. She just wants someone to want her for whom and all she is… don't we all?

"You're good with her," Emily said, breaking my train of thoughts, "You were always good at calming people down."

I laughed quietly at this, not wanting to wake Alex even though I found her statement quite hilarious to say the least.

"That is so far from the truth it is literally untrue, Ems. I'm the ice queen, the sarcastic bitch, remember?" I said and added with a small smile, "I was only ever good at calming you."

"There you go again!" she hissed quietly, "Stop saying things like that, Naomi."

I guess she had noticed the few inappropriate remarks I'd said during the evening after all, but I wasn't about to give in and admit to anything. Not when I finally felt like my walls were in place at last.

"Like what?" I asked defensive, but still calm, "I'm only telling the truth Ems, there's no need to turn it into something it's not. It's not a secret you're the only one who ever saw that side of me."

There was a moment of silence before she looked at Alex with an almost haunted look and answered so quietly I almost didn't hear it, "Until now."

I was about to ask her what the fucking hell that was supposed to mean, but I didn't get the chance as we'd arrived at our destination and the cabdriver beat me to it as he informed me of what I owed him for the trip.

I paid the driver and instead of focusing on what she'd said we focused on getting Alex out of the cab and up to the flat, which was a fucking challenge I'll tell you that. Didn't exactly help that the elevator was out of order, so we had to take the stairs.

"For such a fit girl she sure is fucking heavy." Emily said when we'd almost reached the floor.

"Well, if you'd concentrate on getting her the last few feet to the apartment instead of perving on her then maybe it wouldn't be so fucking difficult." I said, clearly still frustrated with her weird comment in the cab. I wasn't sure if she'd insinuated that I'd let Alex see that mushy and soppy side of me I for everything in the world wouldn't admit I kind of missed. If that was the case though it was downright ridiculous. As much as I cared for Alex I'd barely let her past the first few walls of my fortress as opposed to Emily who had been stood in the middle of it holding my beating heart.

"I wasn't perving!" She hissed, "Unlike _some_ people I don't perv on girls who aren't conscious."

"If you're talking about Mandy then get off your high horse Em, I was trying to make you jealous and I thought she was bloody straight! Which clearly, she wasn't." I hissed back as we finally reached the front door of my flat.

I had no idea how or why the conversation had taken this turn. The thing with Mandy happened years ago and I forgave her the second she decided to take me back in Freddie's shed if not before. Granted, I became a lot more jealous after that, but that was only natural, right?

"It's not like I ever slept with her." She said as we made our way to my bedroom.

"What? Like I did with Sophia? Fucking hell I thought we were past this." I said frustrated as we lay Alex in my bed and I started removing her shoes and her clothing.

It did occur briefly to me that we sounded very much like a jealous couple and that this conversation reminded me an awful lot of some of our past fights, but I didn't think any more of it.

"I wasn't talking about Sophia." She hissed back.

"No? Then what the fuck are you on about, because I'm sorry Em but I don't recall cheating with anyone else despite what you might think of me."

"I'm not fucking saying that you did. God I'd forgotten how bloody sensitive you can be sometimes." She hissed from the foot of the bed where she was stood with her arms crossed.

I glared at her briefly before I tugged the duvet around Alex, kissed her on her forehead and dragged Emily out of the room and into the living room. For a moment I contemplated what to say. I kept opening and closing my mouth like a bloody fish, but I couldn't decide my approach. Frankly there was so many things I wanted to say to her or actually more correctly _yell_ at her.

"Look, this friendship thing… It's clearly not working." I finally told her because that seemed to be the problem, didn't it? That we just wasn't working as friends. Granted it had barely been 24 hours, but in those hours this _friendship_ had managed to fuck up my mess of a head more than what was probably healthy.

"What do you mean?" She asked slightly annoyed.

"We haven't even made it past the 24 hour mark and we can't seem to have a conversation without snapping at each other, your girlfriend really doesn't want me around you, which I kind of understand seeing as we could barely say a coherent sentence to each other before we ended up in bed together, not to mention what happened at the wedding and to top it all off everyone keeps telling me there's no way I can be friends with you, which they've pretty much been spot on about up until now, wouldn't you say?" I said more defeated than angry.

She looked at me without answering for a while. I couldn't figure out what she was thinking though, it almost seemed to be a war going on inside her head. Maybe she was starting to see the appealing logic in simply cutting each other out of our lives and making it easier for everyone. To be honest, that's not what I wanted even though it seemed like the easiest way right now and we all know how I love those.

"Why don't we prove them wrong then?" She finally said with a smile, "It's not even been a day, Naoms… We clearly have some issues we need to work through and things we have to put behind us for good, but if you're willing then I really want to work for it. However much I might want to deny it… You're a big part of me, of my life. You always have been. We might not have worked out as a couple, but maybe we can work out as friends?"

She said the last bit as a question directed at me. The ball was on my side now and I had to make a decision. She was willing to work through whatever issues we still had, but was I? To work through those issues I had to dig them out from deep within my fortress and once I opened those gates I honestly wasn't sure what I'd find or what kinds of things would be rushing out of those gates. Still, I didn't want to lose her again. It didn't have anything to do with being with her romantically, sexually or anything really. I just couldn't deny the fact that since I'd opened the front door that morning, no actually since Effy told me she was in town I'd felt… Well, not exactly better, I'd been an emotional mess, but I'd felt more…. _alive_ for sure. The last year I'd gone through the days sort of numb… and I didn't feel that way anymore. Nevertheless I wasn't sure I could let her see past the walls again, if I could let anyone see past them. It felt like a lose-lose for me no matter what I did.

"Naomi?" She asked when I hadn't answered.

I looked up from the spot I'd been staring at while I'd contemplated what to do and we locked eyes. At that moment when I looked into the much too familiar brown eyes I knew what I was going to say, what I was always going to say. I was selfish, always had been really. I wanted her in my life and even knowing I couldn't give her what she wanted, what she deserved, I made the decision any way.

"Sure, let's prove them wrong then," I said with a small smile, "But I can't promise you anything Ems. I'm… I'm not the same as I was when I was with you, okay? In fact I'm more like my old self and that works for me now, so don't expect too much, yeah?"

I felt like I had to warn her somehow and now she had been. I couldn't deal with her expectations of me, I never could. It was part of the reason why I'd slept with Sophia and part of why I'd eventually let her go after Goa. It was part of why I'd never tried getting back together with her for good and settled with the hook-ups instead of listening to what my heart wanted back then. Now she was warned and I didn't have to worry about her expectations.

"Okay, I can do that… or not do that. Expect to much that is," She said with a small smile, "I better get going though… I'm sure you want some sleep as well."

"You don't have to," I said with newfound confidence, "It's late. You can crash on the couch if you like or Effy's bed. I would offer you mine, but it's pretty occupied at the moment and I need to stay with her tonight, make sure she's alright and doesn't do anything stupid if she wakes up."

"Is she okay though?" She asked without acknowledging my offer to stay and went to sit down on the couch, "I mean, it seemed like it wasn't the first time that has happened."

I followed her to the couch and started explaining the situation with Alex, conveniently leaving out the part about sleeping with her and before I knew it we had talked for hours like we'd done earlier in the afternoon, like we did so many nights those years ago, only now it seemed more relaxed. There was a lot less tension between us.

I'd gone to check on Alex at some point and when I got back Emily was sound asleep on the couch. I tugged the blanket around her, resisted the urge in my whole body to kiss her forehead and went to bed before I'd had a chance to watch her sleep, which was something that used to be a favourite hobby of mine.

If I just ignored and avoided all those kinds of things I thought I might be able to be just friends with her. I'd found throughout my life that if I ignored or avoided things long enough they tended to go away by themselves. Of course the only real exception to that rule was Emily.

* * *

It'd been a little over two weeks since the 'sleepover' and things were going surprisingly okay. More than okay, actually. The morning after Emily had already left when I woke up. She'd sent me a text telling me that she had to deal with the consequences of sleeping over at my place, which apparently meant a huge fight between her and Rosie. I hadn't seen her for days after that, but we'd kept in touch most of the days via texts and emails. I think we'd texted more those weeks than I had my whole life. I never knew it could be so much fun to send and receive a bloody text message. I'd always found it so impersonal to be honest, but somehow Emily made it my favourite part of the day. Apart from the days I actually saw her, of course.

We'd met for lunch for a few times the past week and for dinner with Effy and Katie one night, fortunately without Rosie. I hadn't seen her since the night I'd first met her, not that I complained. Emily hadn't really talked about her either. She always changed the subject if it was brought up. She'd only said that Rosie wasn't happy with her spending time with me, and that she 'had a bad feeling' about me.

_That makes two of us bitch. _

However, I'd told Emily that I didn't want to be a reason for conflict, but she'd only brushed it off and said that what Rosie didn't know didn't hurt her, which yes, meant that we were practically fucking sneaking around when we did meet up. It felt wrong, and somewhere I knew it was, but at the same time it just felt so right. Besides, Naomi 2.2 really didn't care... or at least pretended not to.

Alex, however, was in bad shape when she woke up that morning. She'd refused to get out of bed and I almost had to force her in the shower to get the vomit out of her hair. When she'd finished Effy had just put on some clean sheets before she disappeared under the covers once again. For days we'd bring her something to eat and drink, but she barely touched it and she only spoke when she told us to fuck off or leave her alone. One day I'd caught her in the bathroom looking through our medicine cabinet and she'd gone completely mental when I'd grabbed hold of her to make her look at me and tell me what the fuck was going on.

Effy sadly had a lot of experience with depression etc. and she recognized the signs for what they were, so we'd contacted her Aunt who seemed to be the only one in her life besides her friends that gave a crap about her and we'd eventually gotten her the help she needed.

For the time being she was staying with her Aunt just outside of London, but we hadn't been allowed to visit her. Not because of medical reasons really, but because apparently she didn't wish to see any of us.

"Have you heard from Alex at all?" Effy asked on Tuesday morning over breakfast.

"Not really," I answered, "Her Aunt called yesterday with an update. She's doing a bit better, but she still wants to be left alone for the time being. Told her Aunt to tell us she was sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Not wanting to see us I guess? I'm not sure."

Effy was lost in thought after that, probably trying to solve the mystery. She always got so frustrated and almost annoyed with herself when there was something she couldn't figure out. I guess being psychic had its limits.

I was brought out of my own line of thoughts by the sound of my phone buzzing. I already knew whom it was from before I even looked at the screen.

**_E: Lunch today? x_**

**_N: I was planning on starving actually. :-)_**

**_E: I hope not. You're already way too thin._**

**_N: Am not._**

**_E: Are too. _**

"Emily, I take it?" Effy interrupted our morning bantering.

"Why would you think that?" I asked innocently.

"If I wasn't all psychic and shit I'd say the big grin of your face kind of gave you away."

I hadn't realized I had the stupidest grin on my face. I didn't think I'd smiled as much as I'd done the last two weeks for the last year. I really had missed Emily a lot and it was nice having her back in my life. Granted, it was a lot easier texting with her than actually being around her, because there wasn't really that many things to ignore or avoid behind the safety of my phone such as Emily bending forward to grab the keys she dropped on the ground or the difficulty of looking away from her gaze before I got lost in the beautiful brown of her eyes. I thought I'd done a pretty good job though, but I'd hoped it would've become easier by now, that I wouldn't be tempted at all, but it hadn't. Quite the contrary, but I was ignoring that particular fact at the moment. It would eventually go away, I was sure of it.

**_E: You do realize I was kidding, right? You have the perfect body. :-)_**

And then there were times, more often than not, when she'd say things like that and I didn't know what the hell to do with myself. I'd tried talking to Effy about it, but talking to her was like talking to a freaking wannabe matchmaking oracle sometimes. She still thought Emily and I was meant to be, so I'd learned my lesson and stopped talking to her about stuff like that.

"Slipped up again, eh?" Effy smirked at me.

"Pardon?" I said confused as I looked up from my phone.

"What did she say? You're about to get wrinkles from overthinking whatever she just wrote."

"Oh no, Eff, I'm not saying anything to you."

"Suit yourself," She said as she went to wash off her bowl, "One day you'll both stop being a couple of cunts and I'll get to say I told you so."

"Not this again... Look, we're just friends and it's really working out so stop pushing this, please."

She turned around and stared at me for a moment. She looked like she was debating whether or not to go on, but finally she did.

"You're not friends."

"Pardon me?"

"I went through your messages while you were asleep. You're not _just _friends... far from." She said as she'd simply admitted to forgetting to buy the milk.

"You did _what?_" I yelled as I stood up, "What the fucking hell Effy, you can't just go around looking through other people's phones, least of fucking all _mine_! You're supposed to be my best friend!"

"Calm the fuck down, yeah? It's not like I hurt anyone, Jesus."

"You hurt _me _Effy, by violating my privacy and most of all our trust." I said disbelieving. Did she actually think this was okay?

"Well, you wouldn't tell me fuck so I had to find out for myself. I'm only trying to help you Naoms and trust me when I tell you that the majority of those messages wasn't _just _friendly."

"_Trust _you? You want me to _trust _you? How can you not see how fucked up this is? How much you've crossed the fucking line this time?" I yelled frustrated and when she only shrugged in return I pinched the bridge of my nose and continued, "Look Effy… I get you're trying to help and I know you have this idea in your head that Emily and I will get back together and I'll go back to being the soppy twat I was, but it's not going to fucking happen, okay? Better yet, I don't want it to. I'm happy with the way things are, so please just leave it the fuck alone already."

I turned away from her and made my way to my room.

"And just so we're clear; this is _me_ storming away to _my_ bedroom, which means you're _not_ going to fucking follow me, got it?" I said just as I slammed the door shut.

I loved Effy to bits, I really did. I couldn't imagine my life without her but sometimes… Sometimes her lack of situational awareness and her inability to recognize when she'd gone too far was enough for me to want to strangle her and I needed some serious space.

I was lying head down on my bed when I received another text.

**_E: I'm sry, was that too far?_**

_Was it too far? _I asked myself, _had Effy been right? Was it beyond what was only a bit of flirtatious friendly banter? Was that even okay? _

It all seemed so harmless when it was a bloody text message and she wouldn't have said that to my face. At least… I don't think so.

**_N: No, sry. Had a row w Eff… Lunch sounds gr8. Come by at 1?_**

**E: U okay? I'll be there. :-)**

**_N: Yeah, she just crossed the line… again. Talk about it l8r?_**

**_E: Ok, see u then x_**

And what was with all the x's all of a sudden? It had only started a few days ago, but I hadn't thought more of it. I mean, I wrote x's to Effy, Alex and Nate all the time, even to my mum, so it didn't mean anything. Granted, I hadn't texted any back because I was sticking to my defensive strategy behind the fortress… or so I thought I had.

_Oh fuck's sake Effy, way to get in my head…_

* * *

**_A/N:_**

_Could you tell what I meant by the A to C thing? Hope it didn't sucked too bad, I will make it up to you though and I'm promising some better times ahead after all this fighting... at least for a bit ;) _


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:**

_Another update for you guys! The response for Chapter Seven was a lot better than I'd expected seeing as how nervous I was about it. Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing, you make this so much more worth doing. I know I told you a few chapters back that you could expect an... eventful conversation between Katie and Naomi and it will happen soon, I promise! I miss Katie, I know you do too. How could you not? Anyways, this chapter features some more background info and a flashback to the break up as well. Hope you guys like it! _

_Enjoy! _

_RS xx. _

* * *

**Take Me or Leave Me**

**Chapter Eight**

"It's open!" I yelled from the kitchen when I heard knocking.

I looked at the watch above the kitchen counter and saw that it had just reached the one o'clock mark. I smiled at myself, _punctual as ever_.

"What would you've done if I'd been a burglar or something? This is London, not fucking… Is there even a place anymore where you don't have to lock your door?" Emily asked as she took off her coat, threw her bag on the floor and made her way to the kitchen.

She looked great as always; there was no denying that. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and she was wearing a pair of casual maroon coloured skinny jeans, a loose white vest top with an owl printed upon it and a black casual blazer. Needless to say she looked stunning.

"Pretty sure a burglar wouldn't knock on the door Ems, but I could be wrong…" I said playfully as she came to stand in front of me. "And hello to you too."

She grinned at me then, eyes sparkling, and surprised me by leaning up to kiss my cheek. What was that all about? Kisses in a bloody text message were one thing… but then again, a kiss on the cheek didn't mean anything more than a simple friendly gesture, a way of saying hello. I mean, in France it would probably be considered a fucking crime not to greet someone with a kiss or two on the cheek. Of course Emily was my ex-girlfriend and we were definitely not in France.

"Hi," She grinned at me with those enchanting chocolate brown eyes before she went to sit at the kitchen island, "So, what's on the menu, chef? I'm starving."

"Really? Never would've guessed." I joked sarcastically while I finished the chicken pesto parmesan pasta dish I'd prepared for lunch. It was kind of my specialty and also one of the only things I could cook without setting fire to everything.

"Hey!" She exclaimed as I placed her plate in front of her, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," I started as I sat down on the opposite side of the kitchen island with my own plate and added with a sly smile, "that you're always bloody starving."

"Are you saying I'm fat?" She asked offended with her mouth full of pasta.

I couldn't help but laugh at her. She was so cute… which is perfectly acceptable thing to say about your friends FYI.

"No, definitely not fat Ems," I said smiling and added with a wink, "_You have the perfect body._"

It was out of my mouth before I'd even considered what I was saying or how I'd said it. That was just one of my many talents, you know? Speaking before thinking. It was just such a familiar thing to playfully banter like that with her and I'd always loved it. Okay, so it might've been slightly out of line with our new friendship and all, but _she_ started it.

_Christ Naomi, what are you? 12? _

Emily blushed and looked down at her pasta awkwardly.

"Sorry… That was -" I started.

"This is really good." Emily interrupted and took another huge forkful of pasta in her mouth.

I was grateful for the change of subject, but still I found it a bit strange that it hadn't seemed to bother her when she texted that, not like this anyways. Maybe that was what it was then. Friendly harmless text messages with a slight flirtatious edge… It didn't mean anything. Then there was the kiss though…

_Fuck's sake. It was on the bloody cheek. Get the fuck over it._

"It better be and just so you know you're cleaning since you insist on having lunch here instead of a place where they have actual staff to do that."

"Naoms…" She began, her eyes sad.

_Fucking foot in my mouth… THINK BEFORE SPEAKING NAOMI. How hard can it fucking be? _

"I'm sorry for making you sneak around like this. I know you're already uncomfortable with Rosie not knowing the truth about the wedding and… um… the other stuff. I just can't deal with another fight like the one we had after I slept over. It was…" She swallowed uncomfortably and she looked a bit... embarrassed, I guessed, "Eventful."

"Eventful?" I questioned confused of her choice of words.

"Yeah well, not something I care to repeat. Look, she just needs to get comfortable with the idea of you being around. She'll ease up, you'll see." She said with an unconvincing smile.

"Ems, how is she supposed to get used to the idea if she has no idea that I _am_ around?"

"We'll all go out again," She said after a moment and instantly making me regret I ever brought it up, "Maybe Saturday evening, yeah? We'll drag Effy and Katie along as well so it won't get weird."

"I don't know Ems…"

"_Please_, Naoms." She pleaded with her Goddamn adorable puppy dog eyes. Mine didn't even compete with those, "You're two of the most important people in my life… I'd really like it if you could at least try to get along."

_Not very likely, _I thought.

Seriously though, we've all experienced that feeling, that vibe, when meeting someone new that you're just not going to get along with that person, that you simply don't like them even when there's no apparent reason why you shouldn't. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was Emily's new and hotter girlfriend and that I didn't like the way she looked at her or touched her or spoke to her, nothing to do with that.

"Ems… It's perfectly understandable that Rosie doesn't want me around, let alone be my friend." _And perfectly understandable that I just can't stand her. _

"What if I can get her to play nice? If I can get her to say yes to Saturday evening knowing you'll be there, will you do it then?" She asked in the soft pleading voice that matched her puppy dog eyes perfectly and I knew that she knew I was going to give in.

"Fine, but don't expect me to play nice if she doesn't Ems. I only ever tried playing nice occasionally with Katie because you and I were together and she was your sister… This is your new _girlfriend_ we're talking about andI have no such obligations anymore, yeah?"

She thought about what I'd said for a few moments. I could tell she was trying to figure out what it meant by the way she bit her lip at the same time as she narrowed her eyes.

It wasn't because I didn't want to make an effort… Okay maybe a little, but the point was I wouldn't take crap from a girl like Rosie just because she was Emily's girlfriend. In fact I wouldn't take any crap from her because of that very reason. Emily was the one who'd pushed this friendship thing and even though I'd gone along with it, it had happened kind of fast and very much out of the blue. I wasn't going to change the way I normally acted around people like Rosie just because Emily said so. Not anymore. However, I was ready to make a small effort if it meant we could stop sneaking around as if we were having a bloody affair.

"Deal then," She finally said, "I'll talk to her."

"Brilliant." I said half-heartedly, "Now _eat_ my darling, we can't have you complaining that I'm starving my guests."

* * *

Hours later we were lying on my bedroom floor with a bottle of vodka much like we'd done another lifetime ago before we'd ever gotten together. Sometimes I thought that it was so much simpler back then. I'd loved Emily from afar, my fortress had never been stronger and I had no one to answer to but myself. No expectations, no responsibility and no chance of getting hurt. Sounds pretty nice, doesn't it? It sounds like _freedom_, only it wasn't.

There's a price, you know, for hiding inside a fortress like mine. It becomes a prison and there's nothing remotely free about that. It might keep people at bay, but it keeps you locked up as well. To maintain that kind of _protection _you can't allow yourself to just _feel_, you can't allow yourself to care. So I became almost numb… nothing could hurt me if I didn't let myself feel. Then Emily came along and it was like she didn't even notice the walls or the impeccable defence system that just kept firing at her like a maniac to keep her away. She just walked right through, barely flinched.

When I finally did let myself feel, when I finally gave in to her, all the feelings I'd bottled up and locked away came at me with such strength that it was completely overwhelming. The thing about not letting yourself feel or care your entire life is that you've never _really_ experienced feelings like desire, passion, love… and loss. The only feeling that came close to that was when my dad left us, but to be honest, I'd never really known the guy. So the feeling of loss was more a feeling of disappointment of what I'd never had, not a feeling of losing something I actually had.

Needless to say when I finally did have Emily I was scared shitless about the possibility of losing her. My feelings for her were so foreign to me, so overwhelming strong that I didn't know what to do with them. All I thought about every day, every minute and every second was _her_. Suddenly I was feeling trapped again, I felt like a prisoner in my own personally designed fortress, chained to my own feelings, but unlike before Emily I was now very much in danger of having the whole fucking thing crumbling down on me and crush me completely. I wouldn't be able to do a bloody thing about it either, because as I said I was chained to my feelings, my feelings for her. So I did what I do best; I ran and I ran fucking fast, so fast in fact that when I finally stopped to catch my breath and realized what I'd done, it was too late. I'd done something unforgivable and I felt more trapped than ever as a result. It was never my intention of doing something that would eventually make me lose her, I just wanted to feel free. That backfired as fucking hell, didn't it?

After months of what felt like imprisonment with only food and water we finally managed to get over it though, she forgave me. I've never understood why, I really haven't, but that's Emily. Fucking pure of heart. But as I said, I'd done something that was supposed to be unforgivable and as I result I never forgave myself, still haven't, and though she did forgive me I'd practically ripped the chain of my feelings up by the root when I'd run to Sophia and that had consequences. In the process I think I might've ripped apart our ability to trust each other and it fucking went both ways because of the things she'd done while punishing me. I thought it wouldn't mean anything the moment I got her to forgive me, but without me realizing it, it had affected me more than I'd originally thought.

For almost two years after that night in Freddie's shed we fought, we fought for us and for a long time we were the happiest we had ever been, at least I was. It was the most incredible feeling in the world, being _that _much in love that you didn't care how your life turned out, you didn't care about anything or anyone except the breathtakingly beautiful girl in your arms. That's the only time in my life I've ever really felt _free,_ the one thing I wanted most. Ironic, you might think, but I'm book smart, not… whatever the other one is called.

As fate would have it however, that feeling didn't last. And before you go ahead and think something moronic in the lines of "_but you have to work for your relationship, it's not always rainbows and kittens and shit"_, I fucking _know_ okay? And I fucking tried, I really did, but at some point the reality that was our past and insecurities caught up with us. I'm not sure how it started or why but I ended up resenting Emily for not going to Goldsmiths that year instead of traveling with her, which makes me the biggest hypocritical asshole to ever walk this earth, because as I so obviously described I was the happiest fucking goof at that time. I mean, I could've just applied again for fuck's sake, but I didn't. At the time I guess I didn't wanted to risk losing her again with the distance and everything, but that logic backfired… again.

I admit I'd become more jealous as well, but Emily… Well she'd become the green monster itself. And in the end the resentment and the jealousy consumed us and destroyed the happy couple we once were.

_"This isn't working, is it?" I asked defeated, "Us."_

_The girl I loved with all my heart was stood at the kitchen counter and had started on cleaning the dishes. We'd just had yet another of many dinners in silence that eventually ended in some fucked up argument I can't even remember what was about. I just knew that after months of this and months of trying to fix something that seemed so unfixable there was clearly something that wasn't working between us anymore and I had no idea what to do anymore. We'd tried talking about it over and over again. We'd tried ignoring it and we'd tried a few weeks of break from each other. Nothing seemed to work. _

_"No, it's not." She answered, still trying to occupy herself with the dishes._

_"Ems…" I started, not knowing what to say anymore or how to say it, "You know I love you with all that I am, but -"_

_"You don't have to finish that sentence Naomi I already know what you're going to say." She said restrained, "You're running again, aren't you? Just when things get a little tough you're out of the door…"_

_"Ems! Fuck's sake, that's not what I'm saying…" _

_And it really wasn't. I just needed her to tell me what to do, what we should do. Because we couldn't go on like that, we'd die loving and hating each other. She turned around to face me then, tears running down her cheeks, anger and hurt flashing in her eyes. _

_"Then what are you saying then? Because to me this sounds a lot like a breakup."_

_"What? Is that what you want? To break up?" I asked incredulously, tears already spilling over._

_"Of course not! I love you, but as you said something is clearly not working and maybe that's just not enough anymore."_

_"_Now_ it sounds like a breakup." I said hurt and started to feel the walls trying desperately to rebuild themselves to shield some of the pain I knew was inevitable, "It sounds to me like you're the one who's fucking running, Ems."_

_I turned around then and walked away from her. I couldn't stay in the room, I couldn't, because I knew what would happen if I did. Unfortunately I only got as far as the hallway before she caught up with me. She tried turning me around to face her, but I couldn't. Instead I sunk down on the floor in the doorway, crying. _

_"Then tell me, Naomi, just tell me what we can do to make this work. I'll do anything… I don't want to lose you." She sobbed and I was reminded when I'd said those words myself._

_At that moment I felt so tired. I felt completely and utterly defeated. I'd clung to the hope that Emily, the brave one, the less emotionally damaged of us would somehow figure out how to fix this, fix us. But as I looked up at her then, I saw the defeat so clearly in her enchanting tear filled brown eyes. She was as lost as I was; yet she was willing to fight. She was willing to keep hurting each other everyday in the hopes that we'd somehow find our way back even though it was slowly killing us both. _

_"I don't want to lose you either, but…" I started and looked down._

_Slowly I was coming to the horrible conclusion that if we kept this up, kept doing this to each other day in and day out there wouldn't be any love left in the end, only hate. The thought of Emily hating me, the thought of me hating her… it was too much. She deserved so much better; she deserved the world. And I couldn't give it to her. _

_"I'm just so tired, Ems. Aren't you?" I said as I looked up at her again, pleading with her to understand. _

_"Wrong answer, Naomi." She sobbed angrily and hurt as she turned to storm up the stairs. _

_"Emily!" I cried after her, "Emily, please. I didn't mean…" but I couldn't finish the sentence. Instead the tears and the pain took over as my heart broke the last piece that was holding it together. _

Later that night I'd made my way up the stairs. She'd already packed a bag or two and told me she would be leaving in the morning. I didn't argue, didn't try to stop her and didn't even tell her how much I loved her. All night we laid tangled up in each other. We didn't do anything but hold each other as close as possible before the morning came and went.

"Are you even listening to –" Emily started but interrupted herself suddenly, "Shit Naoms, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

For a second I had no idea what she was talking about and shot her a questioning look before I felt something wet run down my cheek.

_Fuck, _I thought, _hadn't even realized I'd slipped up like that. Fucking memory._

"What? Yeah, just got some fucking dust in my eye or something," I lied and wiped the tears away quickly and prompted her to hand over the vodka, "What were you saying?"

I took a big swig of the vodka to call my nerves as she started re-telling me some story about how Katie had once asked the exact question I'd asked Emily on the floor of my old bedroom floor so many years ago: "_What do lesbians do exactly?_"

I would've found the story hilarious if my heart wasn't pounding frantically at the less than happy memory. Sometimes I wish you could just press a delete button inside your head so you would never have to re-run the memories you'd rather forget and ask yourself the useless and stupidest question of all time; _what if? _

"Ems, it's nearly seven… " I said as she'd finished her story and sat up on the floor, "Not that I don't like having you here, but shouldn't you get back to you know… um… Rosie?"

"I've decided to stay for dinner." She grinned as she sat up as well and took the vodka from my hand.

_Fuck me she was beautiful when she grinned like that. _

"Really?" I asked playfully, "Well, apart from the fact that you weren't exactly invited, don't you think you should check with Rosie first?"

"Not home at the moment."

"What do you mean she's not home?"

_Not that I care. She could be at the fucking North Pole for all I care. _

"She's with her dad on a business trip, won't be back until tomorrow."

"Okay… And where exactly did you tell her you would be spending your day and evening? More importantly with _whom_?"

_"_Um…_" _She started, clearly feeling slightly embarrassed by the way she couldn't seem to look me in the eyes and probably a bit guilty too, "Home with Katie."

It didn't shock me she'd lied to Rosie again, I mean, I didn't really care that much about it, but suddenly it seemed to me like she'd planned everything. Like, the moment she knew Rosie would be gone and out of town she came running straight to me. I wasn't sure how I felt about that and I was about to say something that would indicate that I cared whether or not she was lying to her girlfriend about hanging out with me, something that would indicate that I could definitely care less, but thankfully she beat me to it before I put my foot in my mouth again.

"It's not that I _like_ lying to her, you know and I know it's a really shitty thing to do, but I-"

"Hey, it's your relationship Ems." I said nonchalantly with a shrug, thankful for the chance to look completely indifferent.

"Exactly, it's _my _relationship and I'll talk to her, I promise." She said in a serious tone, "Besides, it's not like you even like her, so why do you even care?"

I found it reliving that she'd jumped to the conclusion that I was bothered about the whole thing on Rosie's behalf and I found it a bit amusing as well. That was definitely not the case, but what really shocked me was the fact that she'd caught on to the fact I didn't particularly like the girl. I'd only met her once for fuck's sake.

"Why would you say that?" I asked her, faking a frown.

"Please, Naoms. You've clearly underestimated me and my ability to read you. I could already tell back at the pub when you met her, but the way your face nearly contorts every time I mention her or she calls or texts, well… I think I know you just as much as you think you know me," She said slyly, "The only thing I can't seem to figure out is the _why._"

_Think fast, think fast, think fast. _

"If you know me as well as you think you do Sherlock, I'm sure you can figure it out." I said then, not realizing how completely loaded it sounded and quickly added before she could answer, "I see the world in black and white, remember? Either I like you or I don't and there's just something about her… As for the _why?_ Still a mystery to me."

Okay, so maybe I lied slightly at the end, but it wasn't a complete lie. I knew that I didn't like the way she looked at Emily, the way she touched her, the way she spoke to her. Downright the way she treated her, but I'd met her _once_. Everything else was based on stories, eaves-dropping on one-sided phone calls etc. and that's when I started trying to analyse it, the _why,_ and either I didn't want to admit the answer I found or I just liked the conclusion that I was too judgemental much better, because when Emily didn't answer I continued.

"_However_, I do somewhat trust your judge of character, so I'll try to play nice as I told you earlier since it's clearly important to you, but as I also mentioned earlier -"

I didn't have a chance finish my sentence before I was tackled to the ground, a very excited Emily on to top, hugging me.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," She repeated, "And I know what you said and it's fine just as long as you try."

At that point I had trouble even comprehending what she was saying because all my attention was on the fact that she was basically straddling my waist at that point, that her warm breath tickled my neck as she spoke and that her warm soft hands were around my neck. I almost forgot to breathe.

Suddenly I felt her whole body stiffen on top of me and she fell completely silent. It seemed that what she was doing had finally caught up to her and not even nearly half a bottle of vodka could whisk that away.

She slowly lifted her face from my neck so it hovered a little over mine. As she looked down at me she didn't have the awkward or slightly embarrassed expression I'd been expecting written across her face. On the contrary it was very thoughtful and slightly… captivated?

For a moment I was completely focused on how her hands had travelled from my neck and to my face. The sensation of her touch was undeniable. It felt like she was running small lightening strikes along my skin and I couldn't help the shiver that ran down my spine as I closed my eyes and leaned into the touch.

When I looked up again, I saw that her eyes were serious, pupils were slightly dilated and her breathing somewhat heavy. She was biting her bottom lip and her eyes were completely fixated on my mouth. I knew that look. It was hard to forget; in fact it was completely etched in my brain, because she was so fucking breathtakingly sexy when she looked like that. Needless to say it made my body react immediately to her and I felt the familiar feeling between my legs only she could make me feel with just a single look.

I knew what was about to happen and I found it kind of ironic that the whole reason she'd hugged me like that in the first place was because I'd said I'd try to get along with her girlfriend.

_Her girlfriend, _I thought again and the thought was like a cold bucket of water in my face. Well almost, but I could feel my thoughts become clearer and clearer with that single thought clear as water in my head. It was like I could literally feel her getting pushed back out of each wall she'd managed to slip through while I was slowly able to focus on something else than the way she looked at me… or at my lips really. I was able to focus on the fact that it was wrong what was surely about to happen. Not because she'd be cheating on Rosie again per se, but I knew how guilty Emily felt about it and also… it wasn't fair to either of us. I couldn't be this… this substitute for her whenever her girlfriend wasn't around and I wouldn't.

With that final thought I'd made up my clouded mind and just as she started to lean down I finally blurted, "Pizza?"

_Smooth Campbell. _

At first she looked like she hadn't heard me and only acknowledged what I'd said with a quiet soft, "What?"

"Um… Do you want to get pizza for dinner?" I clarified awkwardly.

"Pizza… Dinner…" She repeated slowly, still not taking her eyes off my lips or even seeming to comprehend what the hell I was saying.

A quick moment after though the words finally seemed to make sense to her and she snapped her eyes up to meet mine. I could see the panic and the embarrassment so clearly it didn't surprise me when she nearly bolted back from me a second later and sat down several feet away from me.

"Great. I mean… Dinner… Pizza… Sounds great." She blurted nervously and looked anywhere but me.

It was a relief to me that she wouldn't look me in the eye to be honest, because even though she wasn't on top of me anymore, the feeling between my legs was very much still there. I contemplated taking a cold shower but that would probably be a tad bit too obvious.

"Great," I said and thought to myself that the word _great_ had reached its limit for that day, "I'll go in the next room and um… order one."

I stood up from the floor then, desperate for more distance between us and turned to walk out of the room.

"Naomi, I -" She started, but I didn't want her to finish that sentence. I didn't want to hear her excuses about familiarity and habits and girlfriends. Instead I interrupted her again.

"Effy!" I blurted out of the blue.

_Fucking smooth again. Can't possibly understand why you didn't apply to Goldsmiths again since you're clearly so very fucking eloquent…_

_"_I mean you should call Effy and ask her if she's going to join us. She should've been home hours ago, but she's been working late lately." I clarified.

Emily seemed relieved that I hadn't made her finish whatever she had been about to say, though something else was written across her face as well, but I didn't stick around to decipher it. I needed to get more space between us and even though a single room didn't seem like enough it would have to do for now.

* * *

**A/N: **

_I'm fairly certain the sexual tension could light a fucking Olympic stadium to quote Liv from __**Clean**_** Sheets **_by __**scriptmanip**__. I'm also fairly certain a room isn't enough to make it disappear, but I love Naomi for trying, which she will be doing for quite a while I'm afraid. She's nothing but not determined. And she's quite determined to keep Emily at arms length. That night out with Rosie should be interesting though, yeah? _

_I appreciate you all for just reading, but if you want a tiny bit more appreciation, please go ahead and tell me what you think so far. _

_Until next time lovelies ;) _


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:**

_Hey guys, just a LITTLE update for you. Yes, I'm aware the chapter's not very long, but it felt like the right place to end it. On the bright side that means I'll update again during the weekend. Incredible, I know. So we have a little more angst this chapter, SHOCKER. It's really not that I love when they fight... maybe a little... but it'll get better. Eventually. I think there were definitely some progress this chapter. Got some things out in the open etc. Only... 4 four days til the night out with Rosie.. A lot will happen in-between.. like.. a lot. Keep tuned guys and don't forget to drop a review on your way out so I know whether this shit is any good!_

_Enjoy, _

_RS xxx_

_p.s if you catch the OTH reference - good for you! ;) _

* * *

**Take Me or Leave Me**

**Chapter Nine**

_Attraction._ That's all it was. An attraction between two people who just happened to have loved one another with every fibre in their bodies and yes more than occasionally fucked each other in the most beautiful and intense way of the word, but that just made the attraction that much more understandable, didn't it?

Throughout the years Emily and I had known each other the attraction and that magnetic pull between us had never been something that was missing to say the least nor has it ever really faded, but surely this attraction was only on a physical level now, not an emotional one.

At least that's what I tried telling myself and for a while it was definitely a perfectly reasonable explanation for what had happened when she'd first showed up and later on my bedroom floor

However, even so, it's not exactly a feeling you can shake off easily I might add, especially not when it involves Emily Fitch. I found out that much when I tried ordering a pizza after unsuccessfully trying to calm myself down.

_"Yeah, what can I get you?"_ a deep voice asked me through the phone.

"Um… A pizza." I said flustered and about a thousand miles away.

_"I figured as much, what do you want on top?" _the deep voice asked again.

"Emily." I said without thinking, "_Fuck,_ um… I mean… I want… Fucking hell, just give me a bloody pizza that doesn't have any fucking mushrooms on it, yeah?"

After giving the poor and confused pizza guy my address for the delivery I started hitting myself internally for being such a fucking sap.

_Think about something else, think about something else, think about something else._

"So Effy's not picking up, did you order a pizza?" Emily asked then and nearly scared the crap out of me. I'd been so far away I hadn't even heard her approach.

"Fucking hell, Ems… Could you like, make a fucking noise or something when you walk into a room, yeah?" I snapped at her.

It wasn't really fair, I mean, it wasn't exactly her fault… Except, it kind of was, wasn't it? Personally I thought I'd been on my best _friendly_ behaviour today, more or less at least. _I_ didn't almost kiss me. _She_ almost did that.

"Chrissake Naomi, relax will you? Maybe you should keep your door locked if you're gonna be this fucking jumpy." She said slightly annoyed and went to sit on the couch where I was also sat.

As soon as she'd sat down however, I got up, went to open the window and sat down at the window seat. She frowned at me as I lit up a fag, desperate for the nicotine to calm me the fuck down in more than one way. I seriously needed Effy right then, and _no_ not as a buffer… not exactly.

"You know, you don't have to smoke out the window just 'cause I'm here." Emily said then, still frowning at me.

"You quit, didn't you?" I asked indifferently and took a long drag of the much-needed fag as I looked over at her.

"Yeah, but only because Rosie can't stand the smell." She said then and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that, but if she noticed she didn't say, "Besides, it's not like you've minded smoking around me before."

"I mind now, is that _okay_ with you?" I snapped again and turned my head to the window.

"Oh fucking hell, I'm not going to fucking jump you again if that's what you're afraid of."

"Yeah? Could've fooled me." I said coolly as I exhaled the smoke and turned to look at her again.

I knew I was in a fucking full on bitch mode at that moment. I just couldn't help it and to be perfectly honest I was rather pleased to see the old Naomi make an appearance. I needed her then.

"Fuck's sake Naomi, I'm _sorry_ about what nearly happened in there, okay? I don't know what happened." She nearly yelled as she stood up then and when I only acknowledged her with an indifferent raised eyebrow she blurted, "I fucking _love _Rosie, okay?"

"Of course you do." I told her sarcastically as I took another drag of the fag.

That fucking word, that one small word that only contained four bloody letters was everything in that moment and it felt like I was literally being kicked directly in the heart while I was already lying down. And I couldn't understand why it felt like that, which only made it so much worse, so much more frustrating and Emily was unfortunate enough to stand right in the line of fire.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She yelled angrily.

"It means," I said and turned around completely to face her coolly, already regretting what I was about to say, but because of my new and improved defence system I didn't care, "that you have a fucking funny way of showing it."

One thing you should know about an angry Fitch is that you really have no idea what they'll do once they get pissed, like _really _pissed. So it took me completely by surprise when a cushion hit me in the face followed by an angry and very frustrated growl from a very pissed of Fitch. If I hadn't been so fucking angry myself I might've found it ridiculously hilarious, because it was such a childish move.

"What the actual _fuck_ Emily?" I yelled at her as I stood up, completely losing my temper.

Only then had I realized she was halfway to the front door, but then it seemed like she wasn't quite done yet and she turned around to face me again.

"You know what? Fuck you, Naomi. You have absolutely _no_ right to tell me how I do or do not feel about _my _fucking girlfriend. That was crossing the bloody line."

"Are you fucking shitting me? _I _crossed the line? You do realize this comes from the same person who not only _jumped_ me when she showed up at my front door after a fucking _year_, but also from the same person who was about to _snog_ me on my own fucking bedroom floor not ten minutes ago, right? You're such a fucking hypocrite."

"Trouble in paradise?" Effy interrupted behind us.

I was so consumed by getting everything off my chest that I hadn't even realized that the door had opened and shut before Effy had spoken, but it surprisingly didn't startle either of us.

"Stay the fuck out of this!" Emily and I yelled simultaneously in Effy's direction.

"Cute." Effy answered, crossing her arms and lingered back behind us, observing no less.

For a few moments we were just stood there in the middle of the living room stared angrily at each other without saying anything else. I guessed we both didn't like the idea of starting where we left off with Effy just standing there, observing.

"Forget it, I'm outta here." Emily finally said and turned around to grab her stuff.

Before she even got a chance to walk much nearer the front door however, Effy took a step to the side and blocked her way.

"No, you're not." Effy said in a completely even voice, but she wasn't even looking at Emily while she said it, she was looking at me.

"Get out of my way Eff," Emily said frustrated, but didn't make a move to try and get past her.

"Emily, go to my room and close the door." Effy said, still looking at me.

_What the fuck?_ I thought. It seriously sounded like Effy was sending our daughter to her room so mum and dad could 'have a little word', which funnily enough was exactly how it felt like when her piercing blue eyes were staring straight at me.

"What the _fuck_ Effy? If she wants to leave so bad then let her leave." I said.

"You heard the twat." Emily told Effy annoyed, making me roll my eyes.

Effy simply looked away from me for a short moment and looked at Emily instead. Her eyes seemed to say a thousand words; it was like they were having an entire conversation. Effy had never been one of many words, but her eyes had always made up for that. They were almost hypnotic at times; she could make you think or do almost whatever she wanted with one look, so it didn't surprise me when Emily gave in to her.

"Bloody hell, this is fucking ridiculous." Emily said exasperated as she turned around and made her way to Effy's room, but not before giving me a death glare when she passed me.

_"What?" _I asked annoyed when Emily had shut the door.

I was pretty certain of the fact that she could probably hear what we said, but it seemed as if Effy didn't care, or maybe she wanted her to hear. I wasn't sure.

"Sort it." She answered calmly, still standing at the same spot with her arms crossed.

"Why? What's the point?" I asked more defeated than upset at that point.

Effy didn't answer; she simply went to sit on the couch, crossed her legs and stared at me, waiting for me to come to the conclusion by myself. She often did that. As I said, she said what she needed to say and the rest she said with her eyes.

"I don't want it to be like this with her. I hate hurting her, it reminds me too much of… but it's the only way I can deal with all of this. I'm not saying that I care, not like that anyways, but this whole situation… Besides it wasn't even my fault to begin with!"

"Maybe not, but it's usually you who ends it." Effy said calmly.

The statement was so true on so many accounts that I didn't knew how to respond. It was like being smacked in the head. I would always take the easy way out, especially when it came to Emily, because the fact was… she was still the one person who could ruin my life.

"Let me ask you something," Effy said when I'd gone silent; "It's been about three weeks since I told you Emily was in town and even though you insist that you're over her, which is fine, you're still feeling something again, yeah? I'm not necessarily saying it's in a romantic way or anything, but you're feeling again nonetheless. You have the chance to have her in your life again, maybe not in the same way, but there nonetheless. Don't throw it away. Don't take it for granted. Not everyone gets that chance." She said and I knew by the way her eyes were glazed for a moment that she was thinking of Freddie. How she would probably do anything to see him again, to have him in her life again in any way she could.

"Life's too short, Naomi." She added then and let her gaze wander to her bedroom door for a second before looking back at me and added again, "Sort it."

With that she went to sit at the window seat, lit up a fag, inhaled deeply and just stared out of the window. I wanted to say something, anything, but I knew her well enough to know she needed her space right now. Memories of Freddie were always hard on her, but talking about it, even in this indirect way, it was even tougher on her.

I made a mental note to keep an eye on her the next few days, just to make sure she didn't have another relapse. It had happened before and it broke my heart every time to see her like that. It wasn't pretty.

I knocked quietly on Effy's bedroom, but didn't wait for an answer before I pushed the door slightly open.

"Back for round two?" Emily asked from where she was sitting on the bed with a cautious glare, but her voice was calm.

"No." I answered as I shut the door behind me, "I don't want to fight, Ems."

"Good," She said, as her whole body visibly relaxed, "Neither do I."

I went to join her on the bed then, a noticeable distance between us as she was sat with her back resting against the headboard and I was sat at the foot of the bed, resting my back against the wall. For a few long moments we just sat there in silence, but surprisingly it wasn't uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry about what I said." I finally said, "I don't want things to be like this between us, I just…"

"I know, I heard." She answered, confirming that she had indeed heard Effy and I's conversation, "I'm sorry about what I did… I never really apologized for what happened when I first got here. It was my own fault. You can't help… being you."

"I should've stopped you. I knew you had a girlfriend, I knew it wasn't right. Same as I knew what happened at the wedding was wrong. I guess I can't stop being selfish with you, never could."

"Naomi, both times were my own choice, my own fault. What happened when I first got here shouldn't have happened, but… I don't regret what happened at the wedding, apart from what I said."

I looked over at her then, her words something I hadn't even realized I'd been craving to hear for so long. She looked genuinely sorry, sincere. It meant more to me than I wanted to admit, maybe even too much.

"It wasn't meaningless, of course it wasn't. I only said that because I wanted to believe it myself, wanted Rosie to believe it, which is why I never told her it was with you… I said so many things that morning Naomi and I'm truly sorry. I guess I needed closure, but not like that. I thought if I just left it would be enough, but then you woke up and I… I panicked. I wasn't sure I would be able to leave unless I… Unless I…"

"Broke me." I finished for her with a sad smile.

"Naomi I -"

"Don't, Ems. It's okay I'm over it. Really, I've moved on and so have you. We just need to figure out this new place we have in each other's lives, but it'll be fine."

As I said it I felt like it was something I'd recorded at some point and was just replaying for her. It felt forced, like I needed to say it, but I didn't feel the words behind it.

"I know… But maybe I… I mean… Rosie… she's… And I -" She stumbled nervously over the words.

"Love her." I finished her sentence yet again, which earned me a frown, "I know. I'm happy for you, I really am. It's what I always wanted, for you to be happy."

We both fell silent at that and just sat there in Effy's room for a while, thinking to ourselves. I didn't know what Emily was thinking, but I could imagine it was relief of the fact that she didn't have to think about this anymore. She didn't have to feel guilty, because now she had the confirmation that even though she'd broken me I'd patched myself together and moved on. Only I hadn't, I realized then. I'd put my life on standby somehow, my feelings, my heart, they'd been nearly numb since the wedding, paused, and as Effy had naturally observed I'd only pressed play when Emily showed up in town. I didn't know exactly what that meant and I wasn't sure I wanted to know. I'd rather blissfully ignore it, hoping it would eventually go away without me having to acknowledge it, so that's what I did.

"It's always gonna be there, innit?" Emily said, breaking the train of my thoughts, "Us."

I wasn't sure what she meant by 'us'? Did she mean the undeniable attraction? The feelings? The indefinable connection between us? Somehow though, without really knowing, I knew.

"Probably." I answered softly, "Can't imagine it otherwise."

"Me neither." She said with a small smile.

We sat there for a few minutes and simply looked each other in the eyes with small smiles on our lips. Maybe it should've been weird, uncomfortable or awkward even. But it wasn't. We were just _us. _

"Pizza!" Effy yelled from the living room, indicating that dinner was ready.

"You'll stay, won't you?" I asked suddenly not wanting her to leave, "For dinner I mean."

"Sure, if you want me to." She answered and added playfully, "Even though the company's crap I'm a sucker for pizza."

"Fuck off," I retorted playfully and threw a pillow at her that hit her smack in the face.

"Bitch!" she laughed playfully, "What the fuck was that for?"

"Payback." I answered laughing and stood up from the bed before she could hit me back.

"You're so gonna regret that, Campbell." She playfully threatened as she got up from the bed and nearly lunged at me with the pillow.

We were both laughing when we reappeared from the bedroom to find Effy on the couch smiling softly.

"Sorted?" She simply asked.

"Sorted." We answered simultaneously, grinning at each other.

* * *

**A/N:**

_I know... Not very long. Will update soon again though, but tell me what you think. Personally I feel like Naomi's getting closer to admitting what she feels... though that might not be a good thing.. just saying. _

_Until next time lovelies. _


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:**

_I know I told you guys I'd update during the weekend, but I get so easily distracted and then I had to search youtube for an interview with Lily as a brunette because I needed to be reminded of that and then I stumbled upon "The Crash" accidentally and then I had to watch that and ... well... Anyways, I guess it's still Sunday somewhere in the world? I don't know. I'm really bad at math. haha. _

_To get to the point - that is this story - it's a bit long this chapter. I think it might be the longest yet, but I guess I felt bad about the very short update that was chapter nine, so I felt like making it up to you guys. In this chapter you'll see a lot more of Nate (YAY, missed the guy) and Naomi and his relationship. There'll also be some Naomily, obviously, and some more hating on Rosie I suspect. I reeeeally want to get to the fluffy stuff soon, but that would be cheating if I just decided to do that right now, so like me you have to be patient, but hang in there guys, I promise it'll pay of. _

_Thanks to all the new readers, favorites, reviews etc. your support and encouragement means everything. _

_Enjoy,_

_RS xx_

* * *

**Take Me or Leave Me**

**Chapter Ten**

The previous night had ended great. After our little talk we talked, drank and just hung out for hours. When Emily finally left we hugged and it wasn't forced in that uncomfortable or awkward way. It was nice, really nice.

Effy went to bed rather early after having observed everything quietly (more than usual) from the couch for a few hours. I could tell something was wrong even though she hadn't said anything. It was the way I'd catch her glazed expression from time to time, like she was miles away and the way the silence was different somehow than it usually was. Needless to say I was beginning to worry and it didn't help much when I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of vomiting.

"Shit, Eff, are you okay?" I asked when I saw her petite figure hunched over the toilet.

"I'm fine." She said and wiped her mouth and I noticed then that she was clutching a photo in her hand.

"Clearly, you're not." I said as she got up from the floor and started rinsing her mouth.

"I said I'm _fine, _Naomi. Leave it."

"Fine's fucking overrated." I stated as I took a step forward and grabbed the photo from her hand, "What's this?"

It was a stupid question. Of course I'd already known what it was before I'd even laid eyes on it. It was a photo of Freddie. It was slightly crumbled, probably because of how she used to clutch it to her chest every night for so long, but I hadn't realized she still did it or had started again.

She merely looked at me through the reflection in the mirror and rolled her eyes saying _what the fuck do you think it is?_

"Eff…"

"Don't. I'm just stressed lately."

"You have been working a lot lately…" I tried reasoning with myself, "If it was happening again though, if they were back… you'd tell me, yeah?"

"Yeah, I'd tell you." She said slightly annoyed and grabbed the photo from my hands again. "Stop worrying." She said as she walked back to her bedroom.

_Right. _

* * *

When I woke up again later that Wednesday I noticed Emily hadn't texted me the previous night that she'd gotten home okay. It wasn't a big deal or anything, it was just that she'd told me she would and it just made me worry that she hadn't. As Effy told me, maybe I should just stop worrying. Didn't stop me from sending her a quick text though, just to be sure.

**N: Did u get home all right? Never heard from u x**

I must've deleted and written the 'x' at the end of the text next to a hundred times before finally deciding that it had the exact same meaning as if I'd sent a text to Effy or Nate. It wasn't a big deal; I was only making it a big deal because… Well, I had no idea.

After checking on Effy, who had suspiciously left early for work, taking a shower and eating breakfast I still hadn't heard from Emily and I was starting to get worried. Well, more worried, but I didn't want to come off like the freakishly worried ex-girlfriend, so instead of sending any more worried texts I went out to meet Nate.

"Open up wanker. It's nearly 12!" I yelled as I knocked on his front door for the umpteenth time.

"Alright, alright…" I heard Nate say as he made his way to the door and opened the door, "Keep your vagina on."

He was standing in front of me smirking, wearing nothing but a white bed sheet and literally looked like he'd been up all night fucking. The look suited him though, if you're into that.

"Who's the lucky girl then?" I joked as I took in his appearance.

"Um…" He started, thinking so hard I was surprised I couldn't hear the wheels spinning.

"You don't remember her name… Classy." I said shaking my head, but smiling nonetheless.

"Yeah… Last night got pretty fucked… Could you, you know?" He asked smirking, gesturing inside his flat.

"Fuck's sake… Fine, but this is the last time." I told him with a pointed finger as I made my way past him and inside his flat.

"What the _fuck_ babe!" I yelled as I came to stand in the doorway of his bedroom, looking furious, "Who the fucking hell are you?"

"M-m-me?" The half-naked brunette stammered nervously from the bed. She was pretty cute, for a straight girl.

"No, I was talking to the fucking slut that's naked in _my _bedroom and in _my _bed. Oh wait, that is you!" I yelled at her.

"I-I-I…"

"You _what _you fucking boyfriend stealing cow_?_ You were just fucking leaving I hope, yeah?"

I watched as the brunette frantically tried to scramble her clothes together without putting it on, giving me a view of her rather fit body as she stumbled past me.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't realize -"

"Just get the _fuck _out of my sight before I change my mind and give you a little parting gift in the package of a black eye."

She was gone before I'd even finished the sentence, but I just had enough time to perve on her naked arse as she was running out of the flat. Nate was literally on the couch laughing his arse off.

"Oh fucking hell Campbell," he spluttered as his laughter died down, "That was fucking priceless."

"Hm, cute." I said completely calm again and gestured to the front door where the scared girl had run out, "Nice arse."

"Oh yeah," Nate smirked knowingly.

"Urgh, no details please." I said as I 'faked' a gagging noise, "… and that was the last time, yeah?"

"Oh c'mon babe. You're my favourite lezzer and if I can't shag you… again… then you might as well be of other use, yeah? Besides, I think you secretly get off on it."

"You're such a fucking pervert." I smiled and shook my head, "Now put some fucking clothes on, we're going out. It smells like sex in here… Straight sex."

"You're only saying that because you haven't got any for nearly a month." He said smirking as he got up from the couch, dropped the bed sheet and made his way to his bedroom stark naked.

"You're keeping track of my sex life now, are you? And cover that thing up, it's… unsettling."

"Nothing you haven't seen or tried before babe." He laughed from his bedroom.

"Fuck you." I yelled.

"Fuck you right back." he yelled back, laughing.

* * *

Hanging out with Nate had always been so easy. Even after we'd slept together it hadn't made things awkward, actually the quite opposite. Of course I'd made sure to let him know quite firmly that what had happened was a one-time thing only, but he seemed to be okay with that.

He reminded me of Cook in many ways and it made me miss him a lot. I'd tried keeping in contact but he seemed so far gone that I'd eventually stopped calling and writing when I never got a response. Didn't keep be from missing him terribly though and I often wondered about how he was and I worried, but there was nothing I could do if he insisted on pushing me away. I couldn't even go to him because I only knew he was somewhere in Manchester, not anywhere specific.

"You okay there, babe?" Nate asked as he passed me the spliff we were sharing.

I hadn't realized I'd been so caught up in my thoughts before he interrupted them. We were sitting on a bench in a near-by park and just enjoyed each other's company, the nice weather and a spliff.

"Sorry, yeah… Just thinking."

"About a certain red head of yours?" He winked at me.

"No, about Cook actually, but now that you mention her she still haven't answered my text. I wonder if she's okay." I said to myself more than to him when I realized I still hadn't heard from her.

"You worry too much." He laughed as he took the spliff from me again. I just scoffed at him before he continued in a more serious manner, "Speaking of which, have you heard from Alex at all?"

"No, only a few calls from her aunt. You?"

"Same." He said and we fell into a silence before he suddenly lowered himself down the bench as if to hide and hissed a quiet, "_Fuck._"

"What?" I asked confused.

"Emma." He said almost panicked and gestured to a couple coming towards us, "She's right over there… and shit he's with her too."

It took me a second to figure out what the hell the tosser was talking about before I remembered his ex-girlfriend, named Emma, that seriously fucked him over with his former best friend. It was almost a year ago though, a few months after we met, so it surprised me he even gave a shit, but sometimes even time and distance can't erase the pain of losing someone you love. I should know.

"Come on you twat," I said as I stood up and pulled him off the bench, as the couple got closer, "Stop acting like such a tit and act like you don't give a fuck instead."

"Oh, you mean like you?" he asked playfully, but clearly still on the edge of panicking.

"It's my fucking life philosophy." I answered, but still put my arms lovingly around his waist and plastered on a fake smile.

I felt rather than saw Nate's confusion of my weirdly display of affection and muttered a quietly, "just play along," as the approaching couple that was Nate's past came to stand in front of us with their own fake smiles plastered upon their faces.

Emma was quite attractive; there was no denying that. I'd only met her a few times before, because she wanted to meet the girl he was spending so much time with, but I'd had the same feeling with her as I had when I met Rosie – that I just didn't like her nor would probably ever.

She had long wavy golden hair, pretty brown eyes, that of course didn't compare to the enchanting browns of Emily's, but pretty nevertheless and quite the fit body with a nice pair of tits. She was dressed a bit like Katie used to though, apart from the leopard print, which was such a turn off because you could just see that she tried way too hard to look sexy, but the thing that just nearly made me cringe about her and the biggest of all turn offs was her fucking attitude as she was standing there in front of the boy whose heart she'd once broken. It was like I could actually see that she was even proud of what she'd done with the way she was smirking at him.

"Nate. How nice to see you again," she said in the most fucking horrible voice, seriously, it sounded like a bunch of pigs were being slaughtered, "Naomi."

I could feel Nate tense all over, so I tightened my grip on him a little more, moved my hand slightly under the front of his shirt and kissed his shoulder, which earned me a confused frown from the couple.

His former best friend, Mason, was exactly the kind of guy who'd go after a girl like Emma. I'd met him a few times and he was just… really not my fucking cup of tea either. He was one of those blokes that used way too much hair gel, used more products in general than any of the girls I knew and would pretty much try to fuck anything with two tits and a pussy. Needless to say his middle name should've been something like 'sleazebag' or 'dickhead'.

When it didn't seem like Nate had the strength to answer I decided to do it for him, "Emma. Mason. Aren't you just a sight for sore eyes?" I asked sarcastically.

"I could say the same about you." She said and gestured to our loving embrace, "I thought you were gay."

I was having a hard time keeping a straight face (no pun intended) and I could imagine Nate having the exact same problem if I knew him at all.

At first Emma had been quite jealous of our friendship and later when she found out I was into girls she acted like she thought I was only hanging with Nate to get to her or something. It was fucked. Like I'd ever actually shag a girl like her… well, not sober anyways.

I faked a smile in their direction and answered, "Not that it's any of your business _hun_, but I've never exactly labelled myself as anything. Besides, if anyone was ever man enough to _straighten me out_ it was always gonna be this stud right here." I said the last bit as I leaned up and kissed him affectionately on the cheek.

"And it was an absolute _pleasure_ doing so, love." Nate said lovingly as he kissed my temple and grabbed my ass. He was so going to pay for that later.

Both of the twats standing in front of us looked like they couldn't believe what they saw. I'm not sure whether that was because they'd never seen or heard me having the slightest interest in any blokes, or if it was just Nate's newfound 'I don't give a fuck about you' attitude. Either was fine with me, though it seemed like Mason couldn't keep his creepy 'I want to fuck you' eyes away from me all of a sudden.

_Never gonna happen wanker._

"Right." Emma said and cleared her throat as I was placing small kisses up Nate's neck, "Have a lovely day." She added with what sounded a lot like a mixture of disgust, jealousy and anger as she forcefully grabbed Mason's wrist and dragged him along the path.

"Oh yeah, we're planning on it," I yelled after them, "A lot of shagging to do yet."

Granted it earned me a few stares from the by passers, but it was so fucking worth it by the look of their faces.

Nate was absolutely gobsmacked as he looked down at me in amazement. He wasn't even looking at the bitch who broke his heart, which in my head was a mission accomplished. He was just about to say something when my phone buzzed.

**E: Can we go somewhere? x**

I didn't even hesitate before I send her my quick reply.

**N: Sure, u okay? Where? x**

"Look Nate, I'm really sorry, but I gotta go." I said apoplectically.

"Your girl calling you?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah… I mean… No. I mean… God. She's not my girl, but yes I need to go see Em." I answered flustered.

"Funny how you automatically assume I was talking about Emily," he said with a quick wink, but before I could protest he added, "It's fine, go to her. I'll see you at work yeah?"

"Thanks babe," I said then and shot a quick look in the direction his former girlfriend had taken off and saw that the couple was sitting on a bench a bit farther down, not so subtle staring at us.

I decided then to give them a show. I grabbed a hold on the back of Nate's neck and completely surprised him by pulling him to me and crashed our lips together.

I'd always found most blokes' kisses far too sloppy and way too…. Rough somehow. Especially with tongue it sometimes felt like they were fucking trying to dig their way to my cunt or something, which is one of the reasons I've always preferred kissing girls. Especially Emily, because even though you're girl doesn't automatically mean you're a great kisser, trust me. Emily however… Well, nothing really compared.

It wasn't because Nate was a bad kisser at all, actually one of the best of his gender, if not the best, but I always ended up comparing everyone to Emily. I always fucking had and it annoyed the crap out of me.

We only broke apart because of another incoming text of mine; I guess I'd been a bit lost in thought during the kiss.

**E: Anywhere x**

I kept staring at the text for a few moments. The choice of words between us reminding me too much of another time and another place a long time ago that would always be one of the greatest memories I had. One of the most life changing moments in my life where I would look back and say _that's when it all changed. _

"Wha…" Nate started confused.

I looked up then and saw the shocked expression on his face and realized how confused he was about what had just happened.

"Three o'clock, your past was looking." I answered his unspoken question and shifted my attention to my phone again to reply.

**N: Meet me at Rico's in half an hour x**

"I'll see you later yeah?" I said to Nate as I made my way to the street to call a cab.

"Yeah…" he replied as he watched me leave just as shocked as he was a moment ago.

* * *

Rico's was a small, but cosy, coffee place close to our flat that had become me and Effy's regular hangout spot. We'd become quite friendly with the owners and they pretty much knew our order by heart. I knew Emily would know where it was because she'd been there with Effy a couple of times and had also bought us coffee a few times when she'd come to visit.

As I got out of the cab and looked to the opposite side of the street I saw that she'd already arrived and from where I stood she didn't look okay at all.

She was dressed in an oversized grey sweater that looked all too familiar and black skinny jeans. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders and she was hugging herself like she was freezing despite the good weather. Her face looked sad, but also sort of lost.

When I crossed the street and she caught my eye, she immediately tried to hide the sadness I'd already seen and smiled at me, but I could tell it was forced.

"Em, hi." I said as I came to stand beside her, worry clearly tinting my voice.

"Hi," she said, avoiding my eyes suddenly, her voice betraying the fact that she was definitely upset.

"Ems, what -" I started but she cut me off when she suddenly pulled me into a tight embrace and started sobbing, her whole body shaking involuntarily.

My arms immediately went around her shoulders and pulled her closer. I felt her flinch by my touch and I was about to pull away, but she simply held me tighter, not letting me pull away. As confusing as it was I just kept holding her until she'd eventually calmed down, not caring one bit about the people giving us strange looks as they passed.

"It's okay," I said soothingly into her hair as I gently stroked her back calmingly, "You're okay."

I slowly felt her body relax and her breathing even out as she calmed down. After a few moments she pulled away from me and wiped the remaining tears away.

"I-I'm sorry," she said, her voice shaky, "I didn't mean to -"

"Hey," I interrupted and motioned for her to look at me. I looked into those beautiful, but sad, familiar brown eyes and told her gently, "don't ever apologize for crying to me or for feeling sad or for needing me, okay?" and for some reason I felt the need to add, "We're friends, that's what I'm here for."

She nodded slowly, averted her eyes again and started laughing a bit nervously, "I just… You were always so good at calming me down and I just…I really wanted to see you."

She said the last part as she looked up to meet my eyes. She looked so vulnerable, but so beautiful at the same time and I suddenly felt something resembling flutter in my stomach then, but I quickly murdered the small beautiful creatures before they took over.

Normally I wasn't one for animal slaughter of any kind, but in that particular case I made an exception. It was merely self-defence, I justified to myself.

"I'm here now," I told her reassuringly, but sighed inwardly at how it again seemed like I was substituting someone else's place in her life. This wasn't supposed to be my job, but as I'd told her I was her friend regardless and fuck me if I was going to leave her upset. Watching her cry, watching her upset… well, that was the worst thing in the world.

"You want to grab some coffee to go and take a walk?" I asked and when she nodded her agreement, I told her to stay put and let me get the coffees.

When I got back and handed her her coffee I realized something and started apologizing, "Sorry Ems, I completely forgot you hate when people order for you without ask -"

"Naoms, it's fine." She said reassuringly, "As long as you got…"

"…Three sugars and a spice of cinnamon. I know Ems, it reminds you of Christmas yadayada. You're such a child." I laughed.

"Oh I'm sorry Miss Campbell, we can't all be sophisticated grown ups who takes their coffee black… with chocolate syrup." She smirked and started walking ahead of me.

"I'll let you know that chocolate syrup is indeed very sophisticated, more so than fucking Christmas in a cup." I said as I fell into step beside her, "Why you insist on being reminded of that over-hyped so-called holiday that completely degrade the concept of giving and really only benefits manufacturers, stores, and huge corporations, while driving individuals into debt, I have no idea."

"Naoms."

"Not to forget the fact that this annual consumer frenzy wreaks havoc on the environment, filling landfills with useless -"

"Naoms!"

"What?" I asked confused.

"You're acting like JJ." She smiled amused, "Not to mention reminding me of your passion of 'I don't ever want to shut my mouth-ism'"

"Right. Sorry." I said and bit my bottom lip sheepishly, "I got you to smile though."

"Yeah… I've missed that, you know." She said thoughtfully and stared intently into my eyes in such a way I could almost hear the fluttering sound again.

"Missed what?" I asked quietly, almost breathlessly because of the way she was looking at me.

"Your passion." She simply answered as she bit her bottom lip and started walking towards the park.

It wasn't until she'd said it that I realized how much I'd missed it too and for once I didn't slaughter the beautiful creatures who fluttered incessantly in my stomach.

* * *

Awhile later we were sat on the grass in the park. She was lying with her head on my stomach so as we formed a 'T' where we were lying.

We hadn't really talked that much, I could tell she was still down and I didn't want to push her into telling me what was bothering her, but we'd been lying like that for almost an hour and I needed answers. One question in particular seemed to be flowing my mind.

"Ems…." I started, not stopping the reassuring stroking of her hair I'd somehow started at some point without me really noticing.

"I feel safe." She said before I could continue, like she already knew what I was going to ask, "I feel safe when I'm with you. That's why I came to you."

"Why would you need to feel safe?" I asked then, "Or better yet, why weren't you feeling it in the first place?"

She only shrugged and I could tell I wasn't to push any further, so I asked the next question on my mind instead.

"What about Rosie? Why didn't you go to her?"

I thought I felt her stiffen slightly when I asked about her, but I might've imagined it. Maybe it was wishful thinking in some weird way.

"She's part of the reason I wanted to see you." She said quietly.

For some reason I felt my heart beat slightly faster with what I could only decipher as _hope._ For what I didn't know, but I stayed quiet, praying she couldn't hear the slight change in my heartbeat and waited for her to continue.

"She came home early, way early in fact. She was already at Katie's when I came home from yours. She was just shitting in the chair in the living room, waiting for me to come home. She knew I'd lied and of course and she also knew where and whom I'd been with. She completely flipped…" she said and I could tell by the sound of her voice she was getting more and more upset by talking about this, "I know it's my own fault of course. I shouldn't have lied… I know that, but when she finally calmed down and we went to bed Katie woke us up, telling me that… that mum had been in an accident."

I was about to ask what had happened, if she was okay etc. but Emily beat me to it again and answered my unspoken questions when she sat up and turned to face me.

"She's alright, nothing too serious apparently, but I still want to see her, you know? I… I need to see her. Katie's going to see her tomorrow, and I really want to go with her."

"Then why don't you?" I asked a bit confused as I sat up on my elbows to get a better look at her, though I think I already knew the answer and it already pissed me off. It explained why she needed to feel safe I guess, that her mum had been in an accident, and yet... not quite.

"Rosie she… she didn't think it was a good idea, to say the least. She was already pissed about the lying so we got into yet another fight. She said that she didn't want to spend an entire day with a woman who was only going to judge her and so forth… I guess I can understand that, I just wish she would go with me, because I'm not sure I'm ready to face my mum after all this time alone even with Katie there, but she just told me that if I wanted to go so bad I could go alone and she would go stay with her dad for a few days. Then I sort of snapped and told her… I told her…"

"What?" I asked, encouraging her to go on, secretly praying she told her to go fuck herself.

"That if it had been you, you'd have gone with me… despite the way my mum already feels about you." She finished quietly, fidgeting with her sweater nervously.

_I guess I'm not the only one who compares everyone else to what we had… _

I was a bit shocked at what she said to say the least. I wasn't even sure what to say. On one hand it was surprisingly pleasing to hear. It made the fluttering start again and a warm and fuzzy feeling started to spread throughout my body, but then… on the other hand, she shouldn't tell me stuff like that and she sure as hell shouldn't tell her _girlfriend, _whom she loved, something like that. I felt like the fucking substitute again. The second her girlfriend couldn't give her what she wanted she came running to me. Whether that was comfort, security, support… it wasn't my fucking job to give her that, not anymore. Also, on top of that, I know I was her fucking friend and all, but I sure as fuck didn't want to be the one she came to with her girlfriend problems. Of course with that in mind the fluttering was quickly dispatched of and the warm and fuzzy feeling soon turned cold.

"Oh." Was the only thing I could muster up at the time.

"I mean… I didn't mean anything by it. I just… I don't know…" she said as she looked ashamed to the ground.

"I know, but you shouldn't have told her that. Yes, I would've gone with you and I still would I guess… as a friend, but that's not the point. The point is that you fucking _love_ each other and _she's_ the one you want to go with you so you need to make fucking sure she knows and understands that. And if she can't… well, maybe love really isn't enough then." I said, harsher than I'd meant to and I only realized I'd actually referred to something she'd once said to me when we broke up when I saw her shocked expression, "Ems… I -"

"It's okay. You're right." She said then, "I do love her, and if she loves me then she should go with me."

_Ouch._

That might've hurt more than it should've, but I guess it was all for the best. I needed to hear it somehow and not because I was some fucking sadist that liked being hurt, but because of the fucking fluttering and the warm and fuzzy feelings that was almost impossible to stop around her. They needed to be completely _extinct_ and if hearing her scream from the rooftops how much she loved Rosie was going to help me do that, then that was what I needed.

"Exactly." I said quietly as I stood up from the ground, "Look Ems, are you going to be okay? I need to head to work, but I feel bad leaving you like this."

She looked up at me with slightly disappointed eyes and nodded, "Yeah, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Thanks for… you know, being here."

"Always." I said and started walking away.

I looked back at her and I could tell she was slightly panicking again as if she really didn't know what to do, like she didn't want to go home… or be alone.

I sighed then, turned around and asked, "Fancy learning how to make a Screaming Orgasm?"

She looked up at me then with an amused look and raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"It's a drink Ems…" I smirked as she got up and walked to where I stood.

"I know." She said and winked at me as she walked past me, apparently deciding to join me, "I just thought you knew I've already mastered that one."

* * *

**A/N:**

_How I wish Naomi would make me a Screaming Orgasm... *coughs* Yeah, so tell me what you think! I hoped you like it, but if it was shit then please feel free to voice that opinion as well. I'll take it all. _

_Until next time lovelies, x_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:**

_I'm finally back with chapter eleven for you guys. I'm deeply sorry for the long wait. I could rant on and on about the reasons why it took so long, but since you're probably just interested in the next chapter I'll spare you the details!_

_I'm not sure about how this chapter turned out tbh. For some of you it might feel like we're not really getting anywhere, as it kind of did for me when I re-read it, but I promise you there'll be a lot of progress during the next few chapters!_

_I know I said I wouldn't rant, but I wanted to do some shout outs, because, well, I can. ;)_

_**WhenAnxietyKicksIn**__: Thank you for all your help - with this chapter especially - and for putting up with my endless rants about where I want the story to go, giving me your inputs etc. And in regards to your review – so not funny! Haha. (Even though I'm laughing.) And I already told you, YOU CAN'T HAVE MARK, he's MINE. "I don't share what's mine" (you'll get the quote when you've read the chapter or well, the part you haven't read yet..)_

_**seventales**__: This chapter is so dedicated to you girl. I probably would've been a lot longer with the update if it hadn't been for you and your encouraging words – even though you have the habit of distracting me from my writing! ;) I hope the chapter was worth the wait, otherwise... too bad. Haha. I hope the next one'll be better then. Let's get those matching Latin tattoos and go clubbing someday, yeah? Not necessarily in that order, lol. x_

_Now before I let you guys go, I've listened to this song on repeat while writing and I just wanted to share it with you (You can just skip the A/N if you want, you know. It's not like I'll know if you do and then come find you and beat you up with a baseball bat.) Anyway, anyone heard of Paramore? Yes? No? (What planet are you living on?) Well, I thought 'Still into you' was kind of fitting… if you look past the fact that they're not technically together in the story right now… well, you'll get a lovely lyrics quote all the same. Enjoy the chapter guys, and let me know whether it sucked or not! x_

_It's not a walk in the park_

_to love each other_

_But when our fingers interlock,_

_Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it_

_'Cause after all this time, I'm still into you_

_I should be over all the butterflies_

_But I'm into you (I'm into you)_

_And baby even on our worst nights_

_I'm into you (I'm into you)_

* * *

**Take Me or Leave Me**

**Chapter Eleven**

"So, now that I've inevitably mastered the Screaming Orgasm yet again, maybe we could move on to Sex on the Beach, eh?"

We were standing behind the bar in the pub and since there weren't a lot to do on a Wednesday afternoon I'd taken it upon myself to learn Emily a few tricks… mixing drinks that is. Though from our slightly flirtatious banter you might think otherwise. I, for one, had to swallow hard before answering that one. Luckily she didn't seem to notice and fuck me if I was going to be the one to back down.

"Don't be so modest Ems, I know for a fact you mastered that one in Goa." I answered calmly without even looking at her.

It was only when I heard glass shattering a moment later and I looked over at her that realized I'd surely won that round if her shocked expression and the colour of her cheeks were anything to go by. However, she quickly tried to hide her reaction with a fake-cough I'm not even sure would've fooled a three year old, as she bent down to pick up the glass she'd shattered.

"You okay there, Ems?" I asked amused and bent down to help her clean up.

"Um, what? I…" She said and looked up from the shattered glass on the floor and directly into my eyes.

Our faces were so close that I could feel her warm breath on my skin and as I looked into her mesmerizing brown eyes I felt it happen again. It was like the pub around us with all the drunks disappeared followed by the busy people of London and soon after the rest of the world. They simply blurred out as I gazed into her eyes.

She gazed down at my lips then and I became aware that I'd starting biting my lower lip unconsciously, which had always been a weak spot of hers and seeing how she slowly licked her own lips it seemed like it still was.

Slowly we both leaned closer like it was the most natural thing in the world and I felt my heartbeat beat a million times a mile as she got impossibly closer, but just before our lips were about to meet she suddenly jerked away and cried out in what sounded like… pain?

"What?" I asked, still a bit mesmerized by the moment that was now gone.

I realized then that she was sucking on the palm of her left hand and a dark red fluid was running down the length of her arm. She must've cut herself on the shattered glass on the floor, I thought, and the fog in my head that seemed to cloud my judgement around her vanished in a second.

"Fuck Ems you're bleeding." I stated frantically and stood up to get something to stop the bleeding with, "Come here."

She stood up and followed me to the sink, still trying to stop the bleeding with her mouth. I turned on the water, grabbed her wrist of the injured hand and held it under the water.

"Keep it there. I'll be right back." I said and went out back and got some bandages, a clean cloth and some antibiotic.

"Let me see," I said when I got back and started examining whether she would need stitches or not.

It didn't seem deep enough for stitches even though the bleeding wouldn't stop. I took the cloth a started applying pressure on the wound. She flinched at the contact.

"Sorry," I said as I looked up at her and caught her already looking at me intently.

We both averted our gazes quickly, not wanting the world to suddenly disappear again I guessed.

I stopped the bleeding as best as I could manage and cleaned the cut in complete silence. The only time I said anything was when some bloke came up to the bar for another pint and I asked him if he was blind or just completely retarded since he apparently couldn't see I was fucking busy. I thought I saw Emily smile in the corner of my eye, but as soon as I looked at her she looked away once again.

As I wrapped the bandage around her hand to protect the cut, I suddenly became aware of the contact, the way I was holding her hand steady in mine, and when I finished bandaging her hand I didn't let go. I just kept looking at the spot where I was holding her hand and started stroking it carefully. I didn't know what came over me. The tingling, warm and almost electrical feeling of her touch was additive.

The odd thing was, beside what I was doing, was the fact that she didn't jerk away or say anything. I could feel her gaze on me however, and when I finally looked up from where our skin touched she didn't look away. Frankly she seemed just as mesmerized as I was, and we just stood there, looking at each other, equally mesmerized by the way a simply touch affected us. At least that was what I was feeling.

I needed to let go of her hand and I needed to look away. I knew that. I knew I had to, needed to. My walls were desperately trying to control my actions, my hands and my eyes, but nothing seemed to work. She was reeling me in again, making her way to the heart of the fortress and all I could do was watch.

If there were ever a time it would've been perfect for a meteor to come crashing down that would've been it, but instead the welcomed interruption came in the form of my knight in shining armor.

"Oi Campbell! Missed me?" Nate called from the other end of the bar as he made his way towards us.

We immediately jumped apart and looked anywhere but each other, and I couldn't help but let out a relived sigh when I looked past her and saw my saviour.

When he reached us he surprised me completely when he cupped my face straightaway, pulled me to him and crashed our lips together.

Frankly I was too bloody shocked to even begin to think about pulling away, so when he finally did, all I could ask was, "What was that for?"

"That," he said with a big grin, "was for earlier. You were bloody amazing. I'm in awe."

"Oh you know, I try." I smirked playfully.

Emily cleared her throat then, and when I turned to face her, her arms were crossed and she looked…. well… not exactly happy.

"Emily!" Nate exclaimed excitingly as if he'd just noticed her there, and added playfully, "I think I might marry this one if you're okay with that, she's definitely a keeper."

"Right." She said coldly and glared at him, "You two lovebirds will have to excuse me, I need to go make a call."

She proceeded then to practically push us apart as she went between us to get past and nearly pushed Nate into the bar.

"Who peed on her garibaldis?" Nate asked stunned.

"Beats me…" I said as I watched her practically storm away to the loo.

"Well? Aren't you going to go after her then?" he asked me when I didn't make a move.

"Why? It's not my fault she's got PMS or something."

"I don't think that was PMS as much as jealousy babe."

"What the fuck are you on about?"

"Fucking hell you can be daft sometimes, just go after her, yeah? I'll take over here."

"Fuck's sake." I murmured annoyed as I made my way after Emily. I needed space from her, not to run after her for crying out loud.

When I reached the hallway to the loos I saw that she was standing with her back against the wall staring at her phone while biting her thumb. She wasn't confident about the call she suddenly had to make; in fact she seemed quite nervous about it.

"You gonna make that call or what?" I asked, annoyance clear in my voice. I was clearly on my defensive.

She looked startled at first by my appearance, as if I'd caught her in something, but then she just started scowling at me like I was the one who'd done something wrong.

"What's it to you?" she snapped, "Can you just mind your own fucking business for once, yeah?"

"Whatever Emily. Why don't you call me when you're not so PMS, yeah?" I told her annoyed and turned around to walk away.

Fuck me if I was going to put up with that shit. If she was pissed at me about something she could tell me to my face. I honestly couldn't stand all that other bollocks and she bloody knew it too.

"I thought you said you weren't dating Nate." She stated angrily with arms crossed, stopping me in my tracks.

"I'm not." I said as I turned around to face her again.

"Sure looked like it."

"Is that what this is about?" I asked and suddenly I didn't feel the need to put the record straight on my relationship status with Nate, "What does it matter to you if we were?"

"It doesn't. I'm just asking." She said, suddenly backing off a bit, but I sure as hell wasn't about to let her. She started this and I was going to make her finish it.

"Cut the crap Em. Tell me, why would it bother you?"

"I didn't say it was!" she snapped rather loudly. I think I'd hit a nerve.

"Oh come on, you're acting like…" I started, but I was sure I wanted to finish the sentence.

"Like _what_?"

"Like a jealous girlfriend, that's what." I told her sharply.

"I'm not jealous." She stated through gritted teeth and continued angrily, "Why the fuck would I be? We're not together anymore, I have an amazing girlfriend whom I love and I was just about to fucking call her, so if you wouldn't mind…"

"Then why the fuck are you acting this way?" I asked her, not letting it go.

"Because you told me you weren't dating Naomi and I just don't get why you felt the need to lie to me about it." She answered coldly.

"Fuck's sake I didn't bloody lie to you about it! And anyway, let's say that I did, don't you think that makes you just a tad bit hypocritical to act this way about it? You were the one who couldn't be arsed to tell me about Rosie in the first place so don't fucking stand there and act so bloody innocent Emily. " I told her angrily and after a few moments of just staring at each other I added in a more calm voice, "Listen, I really don't want to fight with you, but who I do or do not date is not really your business anymore Em… I'm not trying to be a twat or anything, but I don't owe you to tell you about who I fuck anymore… and unless you can give me a good enough reason as to why I shouldn't date whomever I want then… Well…"

She didn't answer right away and to be honest I'm not sure what I wanted her to say. For some reason I think I'd almost hoped that she were jealous and would at least own up to it. Then again, what if she was? It wouldn't change anything, not really. Maybe it would give me a little peace at mind to know that it was just as difficult for her to see me with anyone else but her, as it was for me to see her with anyone who wasn't me.

I'm not saying that I was jealous at Rosie per say. I definitely was in the beginning, like back at the wedding, but now? I was sure I wasn't. I was over all that for sure; I just didn't like her, is all.

"You're right." She finally said with an almost glazed expression like she was completely lost in thought, "It's not my business anymore."

I could feel the disappointment creep around my heart, but that was exactly what I wanted her to say, wasn't it? What I was expecting her to say? I wanted her outside the walls, but then why did it actually hurt when she agreed that she had no business in my love life anymore? It didn't make sense.

"Glad we got that sorted." I said as indifferent as I could manage, "You coming back to the bar then? We still have a lot of drinks to go through before you earn the title of barmaid, you know."

"I… I think I need to call Rosie. It's getting late and I haven't heard from her all day."

"Right. I'm sure you miss your _girlfriend_ by now." I said through gritted teeth.

_Christ, who was acting jealous now?_

"No… I mean, yes, but it's just that she'll want to know where I am, who I'm with…" She said a bit sheepishly, but quickly added, "I mean, she worries, you know?"

"Right. Well, if don't get choked on that short leash of yours come find me at the bar and I'll have shots and a clean shirt ready for you."

"A clean shirt?" She asked confused, ignoring my leash comment.

"No offence Ems, but the 'covered in blood' look doesn't really suit you." I answered with a wink and gestured to the blood on her shirt before I turned around and walked back to the bar.

* * *

"Did you get permission to play with us this evening or do you have to get going?" I asked Emily when she came back to the bar.

"HA HA, very funny Campbell." She answered sarcastically, "But no, I couldn't get a hold of her so I just sent her a text telling her where I am. I can make my own decisions, you know."

"Really?" I said mockingly, "Lucky you."

"Bottom's up lovely ladies!" Nate blurted and handed each of us a shot of tequila.

When we'd downed our shots I reached behind me for my extra shirt and threw it at Emily, "Here, put this on. You're scaring the customers with all the blood."

"What customers?" She asked playfully and gestured to the nearly empty pub, but started stripping off her blood covered shirt anyway.

I tried not to stare, I truly did, but it's not my fault the girl decided to wear a very tight, very low cut black V neck underneath her shirt, is it? And it's not my fault that the top slid up her body and exposed a lot of bare skin when she took off her shirt. In my defence I wasn't the only one who was perving.

"Perving much?" Emily asked with a smirk as she looked from me to Nate to me again.

"Sorry." Both of us said at the same, but as Nate the gentleman looked away, something other than her cleavage and lower abdomen caught my eye and I kept staring, but not in a pervy kind of way.

"Shit Ems, did you get in a fight with someone over the last garibaldi in the supermarket or something?" I asked, but my voice didn't quite reach the playfulness of my words.

"What?" She asked confused.

I quickly went over to where she stood and grabbed one of her arms gently, "Your arms." I clarified as I started tracing soft patterns across the small bruises on her upper arm.

"Oh," she said and quickly pulled her arm out of my grasp, "I had a bit of a disagreement with the stairs this morning, is all."

She proceeded to put on the shirt I'd borrowed her, hiding the bruises from sight, and took a swig of the vodka bottle. The shirt looked too big on her, but at the same time it looked so right on her.

"You need to be more careful, Ems." I said in what was meant to be a playful manner, but as always when it came to her and her safety I was more serious than intended.

"I'll try, _mum_." She answered jokingly, but I could tell by the look in her eyes that she appreciated the concern even though her eyes were awfully sad at the same time and there were something else there too, but I couldn't seem to figure out exactly what.

For a moment I wondered if she was lying to me. She'd always been an awful liar, because her face would show too many conflicting emotions at a single time and yet I'd always been able to tell in a matter of seconds whether she was lying or not. Granted it had become harder with time and distance. We'd both grown and maybe I didn't know her as well as I did once. Still, the question remained, why would she lie?

* * *

As more and more alcohol was running through my veins I stopped wondering, I stopped worrying, and for once just had a good time. And we did have a good time, a brilliant time actually. Emily and Nate seemed to get along perfectly well, maybe that was partly due to the fact that they were both drunk as fuck, leaving me looking sober as hell, but someone had to look after the place - even if it was kind of dead tonight. Nevertheless I had more fun with the two than I'd had in a long time.

"You know, if either of you two fit birds ever want to get with a real man and have the night of your life, you just go ahead and tell me, yeah?" Nate slurred as he nearly fell down the barstool, "Preferably both of you at the same time…"

"Been there, done that." I answered, the words slurring a bit as well, "And for the record – if this had been the United States of fucking America, I'd have sued you for misleading advertisement."

"Bullshit!" He exclaimed rather loudly, "If I remember correctly, you were enjoying yourself to the point of a very loud and extremely pleasurable orgasm babe. In fact, I think you'll find it was probably the best you've ever had – it sure sounded like that. Nothing misleading about that!"

I was about to answer him when Emily beat me to it.

"Fucking hell, if this fascinating conversation's going to continue much longer I'm gonna need a stronger drink." She slurred as she reached for the scotch behind the counter.

"Just help yourself to anything at the bar, why don't you?" I told her jokingly as she filled up her glass and took a large sip before addressing Nate again, ignoring my comment.

"And for you and your huge ego's information, if she was as loud as you so manly brag about then I'm fairly certain she was faking it. Sorry mate." She told him as a matter of fact.

She wasn't wrong though, but I'd never intended for him to know that and never in a million years would I've thought that Emily would've been the one to point it out.

"Yeah?" He asked and stupidly added, "And how would you know?"

"'Cause I'm pretty certain the best orgasm she's ever had was my doing." She simply stated with a drunken smirk, causing me to choke on my drink and Nate actually falling down his barstool this time, "Or am I wrong?" she asked me as if she was asking about directions, but still smirking.

She seemed oblivious to the fact that she'd completely crossed the line, but I figured that was due to the large amount of alcohol she'd consumed.

"Yeah set her straight babes," Nate slurred as he drunkenly worked his way up the barstool again, "Tell her who's the champion!"

At first I'd wanted to shoot down both of their egos brutally, but the knowing look in Emily's eyes and the very R rated memories that suddenly ran through my mind completely derailed me from what would've been the world's greatest comeback.

"Um, well…" I started awkwardly, not able to look away from the chocolate brown eyes, "It's… I mean… I guess… Um…"

"Yeah?" Emily prompted smirking, clearly already knowing the answer. Cheeky bitch.

"Fuck's sake, _fine._" I said exasperated, looked at Nate apologetically and without further explanation I simply said, "Sorry, mate."

"What?" Nate exclaimed loudly and continued in a pathetic rant about how that couldn't possibly be true. Emily just laughed this victoriously drunken laugh and I couldn't help but join in.

I was just about to pour each of us another drink when the door to the pub opened. The laughter died down instantly when we realized who had walked through the door.

"Rosie…" Emily said surprised and in the blink of an eye her entire demeanour changed from the Emily I knew and had loved to the one that wasn't even half of what she could be, "Why are you… I mean… How… What are you…"

Rosie then started making her way towards the bar and it was then I noticed the group of girls coming in behind her. They all more or less looked like Rosie herself, though there were a few blondes in there as well. What the fuck was this, a fucking catwalk or something?

"I just really missed you baby and since me and the girls were going out after the photo-shoot for daddy's company anyway I thought we'd stop by." She said as she bent down to kiss her. When she finally came up for air she added, "Aren't you glad to see me?"

_Not really,_ I thought to myself.

I looked over at Emily and I couldn't believe we'd just joked about our past sex life a few minutes ago. She was like a completely different person.

"Of course I'm glad to see you." Emily answered, "I just… I thought you were mad at me?"

"Well, we got that sorted, didn't we? Besides, daddy wants us to meet him for lunch tomorrow; he said he's got some great news. So we'll go then, yeah?" Rosie said in what sounded more like a command than anything else.

For some reason I was expecting a full on raging outburst from Emily. One I would've probably received had I ever tried making decisions for her like that, but it never came. Instead she just looked sheepishly down at the floor and nodded slowly.

"Brilliant. Well, if it's possible to get any service around here I'd like to buy a round of drinks for the girls and me" Rosie said and looked over at me briefly as if telling me to get to work before turning around to join her runway girlfriends.

_Fucking cunt,_ I thought and rolled my eyes at her, but decided not to say anything.

"You coming, babe?" She asked Emily after she realized she wasn't following her.

Emily looked briefly at me, almost apologetically and perhaps at bit pleading, but followed her girlfriend nevertheless. It was horrible to watch really, how this amazing, strong and independent girl I'd known and loved had suddenly turned back into the insecure and sheepish girl who let people treat her like a fucking doormat. Well, _some_ people.

As the evening progressed further and people/models were getting pretty well fucked, Emily was drinking herself into a coma.

Rosie had basically ignored her since she'd walked through the door, yet she insisted that Emily sat with the other girls instead of hanging out with Nate and me since we were supposedly working.

During the evening she'd even been obviously flirting with some of the other girls and Emily barely flinched. The only reaction from her was to down another glass of whatever she could get her hands on. I'd stopped serving her long ago at that point, but I couldn't prevent her from downing other people's drinks, unfortunately.

At around 1pm the runway pack finally decided it was time to move on to something a bit more 'classy' even though I'd have kicked them out anyway seeing as we stopped serving at 1pm. Nate had already left, so I was left with dealing with everything – including getting them the hell out of there.

They'd just put on their coats and half of them had made their way out of the pub when I realized Rosie was leaving with them.

"Aren't you forgetting something Rosie?" I asked incredulously.

"And what would that be, _Naomi_?"

"Oh well, I don't know… Perhaps your fucking _girlfriend_?" I retorted sarcastically and gestured to Emily who was basically passed out over the table.

"Not my fault she can't handle her liquor…" She simply said and turned around to walk out of the pub with her fucking girlfriends.

"Maybe not, but it is your fucking responsibility as her girlfriend to get her home safe. You can't just leave her here alone for fuck's sake. She can barely stand!"

"It's lucky she's not alone then, yeah?" She said and gave me the once over before she turned around again, but before walking out the door she turned around a last time, "Oh and Naomi… Keep your hands to yourself. As you said, she's _my_ girlfriend and I don't share what's mine."

_What a fucking obnoxious little spoiled bitch_, I thought as she left. _Fucking hell, now the bitch was even bossing me around. When the fuck did that happen?_

"Rosie…." Emily slurred drunkenly from the table.

"Fuck's sake…" I said as I rolled my eyes at her drunken figure and the whole situation. I sighed heavily and made my way to her, "Ems, come on. We've gotta get you home."

* * *

Before I'd closed up the pub, gotten a hold of a taxi, found her keys and helped her into her own bed, it had taken over the double amount of time it would have taken had she been sober. For a small girl she was fucking heavy as death weight and Katie had fucked off somewhere and weren't there to help me get her drunk sister into bed.

"Come on Ems, you need to get ready for bed. _I_ need to get ready for bed." I told her as I tried pulling the shirt she'd borrowed from me off her.

"Nooooo." She cried pathetically before childishly pulling away from me to lie down on her bed, "I wanna keep it on. It smells good…" She continued as she snuggled into the shirt and a small smile appeared on her lips as she took in the scent of the shirt. My scent.

"Fine, but don't blame me when you wake up later and feel like a fucking volcano about to erupt." I said as I sat down on the bed beside her, "I'll get you a glass of water and some aspirins for when you wake up and then I'll take off, okay?"

At first I didn't get a response. She looked like she'd already fallen asleep, but as I was about to stand up from the bed she grabbed my hand and weakly pulled me back.

"Don't go…." She said sleepily with her eyes still closed.

"Emily…"

"Stay…. please…" she pleaded, clearly seconds away from a deep sleep.

I contemplated for a second to simply stay until she'd fallen asleep and then quietly leave, but when she was pleading with me, even just asking anything of me, drunk or not, I couldn't not give it to her. It was my biggest weakness. _She_ was my biggest weakness. That hadn't changed.

I wasn't even sure if she was even aware that it was me taking care of her and not Rosie, let alone what she was asking of me, but still I gave in and gave her what she wanted.

I made her reluctantly scoot over so there'd be room for me in the bed. I was going to take the floor, but it looked rather uncomfortable compared to a warm, soft bed with Emily in it. Besides, I was hardly going to get any sleep anyway, so I might as well be comfortable while making sure she didn't die of alcohol poisoning in her sleep.

When I was finally comfortable in the bed, Emily started shifting until she was snuggled against my side with an arm draped over my stomach. I completely froze. I barely dared a breath. I could smell her scent, feel her body against me and I just couldn't help myself then even with the unsure feeling of her thinking I was Rosie.

I looked down at her sleeping form that looked so beautiful and so peaceful despite the fact that she was completely trashed and even looked the part with the smeared make-up and tousled hair. I hesitantly moved my free arm and gently removed some hair from her face.

As I started stroking her hair almost absentmindedly I started thinking about other things that hadn't changed. It was hard to keep denying the fact that I obviously still cared deeply about her, clearly too much for my own good. I kept telling myself to keep her at a distance, to rebuild the walls and shut her out, and yet, there I was, in her bed, stroking her hair and thinking about how little things had changed, how little my feelings had changed.

I couldn't though. I couldn't feel that way, not anymore. The only thing that would ever give me was more heartbreak, and I wasn't sure I'd survive it again.

Still sleeping, she interrupted my thoughts then with the worst confirmation of what I'd just thought, "Rosie…." She whispered softly.

I inhaled sharply and for once I wasn't surprised when I felt the tears slowly streaming down my cheeks.

I had to get away from her before I got in too deep, before it was too late to get out... if it wasn't already. I had to will myself not to care. I couldn't keep being this substitute for whenever Rosie wasn't around or wasn't doing what she was bloody supposed to, which after meeting her again tonight would probably be more often than not. It wasn't fucking fair to me and to be honest I felt used. I felt like a slave to the way I've always felt about her and she used me for it. She'd moved on, it was about fucking time I did too.

I kissed her forehead gently then and quietly, and without waking her, I got up from the bed. I still couldn't just leave her though. I wasn't sure she'd even remember she'd asked me to stay, but it wouldn't feel right just leaving her alone like this. Instead I got as comfortable as I could in the armchair beside the bed and watched over her while she slept.

* * *

In the very early morning hours I still hadn't slept, all I'd been doing was thinking and thinking some more. It's was really messes you up in the end, you know, all the thinking. Your mind can't take it.

I was left with angry feelings. I was angry at myself for letting her get so close to me again without me noticing it, or perhaps she'd never been _not_ close to me, which made me even angrier that I apparently hadn't changed from when I was twelve. I was angry with Rosie for not knowing what an amazing girl she had, and I was angry that she didn't know how to treat her right and took her for granted. And I was angry with Emily for having the ability to reel me in without even trying, for not being able to see what an absolute bitch her girlfriend was, for coming running to me time and time again and for being able to move on when I couldn't.

"Naoms?" said a very husky morning voice from the bed, "You're here…"

"Obviously." I answered a bit harsh, without moving from where I was sat, "As opposed to your supposedly girlfriend who basically just fucked off and left me to take care of you."

She flinched at my words.

"I… I'm sorry." She said and started rubbing her temples for what must've been an inevitable hangover, "You didn't have to take care of me, you know."

"I know. But I did," I said just as harsh as before and stood up to leave, "So, if you're feeling okay and is no longer in danger of alcohol poisoning I'm going to take off."

"Why are you being like this? I didn't ask you to stay and take care me!" She snapped.

"Actually Emily, you kind of did." I told her firmly and was rewarded with a slightly surprised expression, "Though I'm sure you thought it was Rosie at the time, I still fucking stayed because I didn't want you to be alone, but… I can't fucking do this anymore."

"What can't you do?" she questioned confused.

"This…" I said and gestured around the room, "I can't keep being some fucking substitute to Rosie whenever you need it, and you can't keep running to me when it's obvious that what you really want, what you really need, is for Rosie to wake the fuck up and pay attention to you."

She flinched again, but didn't say anything, just stared at me with her sad chocolate brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I… I just can't. I've gotta go. I'll talk to you later." I said, left the room and closed the door before she had a chance to say anything.

I was so determined to get out of the apartment and home to the safety of my own room that I didn't notice Katie coming home from wherever she'd been and nearly knocked into her by the front door.

"What the fucking hell, lezzar! What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?" she asked rather loudly.

"Doing Rosie's job." I said without thinking, but when I saw the almost horrified look on her face I quickly added, "Christ, not like that. Emily got totally fucked last night and I made sure she came home safe."

"Oh… well can you get your lezzar ass out of here already then, I need to fucking shower." She answered and started taking off her coat.

I was half way through the door when I remembered something.

"Katie…" I started hesitantly, contemplating with myself whether I wanted to say the next thing or not, but it was never really a question.

"What now?"

"Make sure she goes to see your mum today, with or without Rosie, okay?"

"Why?" she asked skeptically.

"Because she fucking needs to, okay? If you won't do it for me, do it for your sister." I said and finally left the Fitch apartment along with the slow realisation that I might already be in too deep again.

* * *

**A/N:**  
_So yeah, as I said not a lot of progress - other than Naomi getting closer to admitting how she really feels. And well, I think we can all agree on the fact that Rosie's kind of a bitch. Tell me what you think? What was good, what was bad, what do you want to happen? Anything really._

_I'll try to update soon (if you still want me to, lol), but I won't promise you guys anything seeing as I'm swarmed with exams and stuff. _

_Until next time lovelies, _

_RS x_


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